Lesbian Pulp Fiction. Katherine Forrest V.

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СКАЧАТЬ Beth spoke slowly, deliberately. Her voice was calm, her tone low.

      Peggy sat with her mouth open. “What did you say?” she asked finally.

      “I said there is not going to be a next time.”

      “But why not?” Peggy cried despairingly.

      Beth lowered herself to the arm of Peggy’s chair. Her eyes rested on Peggy’s tortured face. She took the girl’s trembling hand in her own. “Peggy,” she said carefully, trying hard to choose the right words, “Peggy, you mean too much to me—I can’t let you lead a twisted, miserable life. And lesbians are miserable.”

      “Then why—”

      Beth put her finger to the girl’s lips. “No questions. If I knew all the answers, maybe I wouldn’t have given in to you. Just because I did, and you found kicks in it, doesn’t mean you’re abnormal. It was a new experience for you, that’s all. The fun would wear off with the novelty. And I’m certain that some day you’ll find a man who can do as well for you, and probably a lot better.”

      Peggy glared at the nurse. “How can you say that? I dug it to the limit, Beth. Every minute of it. You know that. I remember everything you did. I—”

      “Liking it doesn’t make it right, Peggy.”

      Something burst inside of Peggy. “Right or not,” she exploded, “you like it, too! Don’t deny it, Beth. I may be a kid, but I know you want me as much as I want you, and maybe more. Do you think I’m blind to the way you’re always watching me? Your eyes are on me all the time—in the lounge, at the lake, here. Every time I glanced up, you used to be looking at me. At first I didn’t realize why, but now I know. And right this minute—even if you won’t admit it—your eyes tell me that you’re hungry for me, crazy to have me. Why fight it?”

      Beth’s stony gaze met her. “You’d better leave, Peggy.”

      Peggy’s spirit wilted. Her idol was displeased with her. “I’m sorry, Beth.” Her voice was barely audible. “I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just—” she hesitated—“I want you so much, Beth. I want to do all those things again…look at you, touch you, kiss you.” She seized Beth’s hand. “Please, Beth,” she begged. “Let me.”

      Pulling away her hand, Beth snapped, “Just leave.”

      “Don’t be angry,” Peggy pleaded.

      “You know, you can’t make a habit of coming over here every free minute you have. People may begin to get ideas.”

      Everything strong and hard within Peggy seemed to melt. She felt her insides slouching. She started for the door, but paused and over her shoulder threw a pleading glance at Beth.

      The nurse was watching her.

      Peggy turned.” I’m sorry, Beth. I didn’t want to make you angry. I don’t know what got into me. Our love was so wonderful—I’ve never felt like that before—I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I’ve been thinking about you every minute. I couldn’t wait to be with you.”

      Beth unbent a little. She took a couple of steps toward Peggy.

      “I need you,” Peggy whispered. “Really need you.”

      “Hush.” Beth patted the girl’s cheek. “I know how you feel, Peggy. I’ll always be here. I’m your friend. Come back in a day or two, after you’ve cooled off. You will, you know. It’s all in your mind. Ninety percent of all sexual desire is in the mind,” she finished.

      Beth kissed her on the forehead.

      Peggy walked out, her shoulders slumping.

      Peggy wrestled with her conscience for the next couple of days, longing all the while for Beth’s company, yet conceding it would be best not to court temptation by returning to the nurse’s quarters. She wavered between periods of extreme moodiness during which she was ashamed of the commotion she had caused, and long hours of utter bliss because, in the end, Beth had said that she would always be there, that she was Peggy’s friend.

      Peggy spoke casually on occasion to both Mike and Lilian, but only in connection with their work. Even in the counselors’ lounge, Peggy indulged in only enough conversation to preserve the amenities.

      Then Kirby Davis telephoned.

      Peggy was sitting in the lounge after free swim. She went to the phone reluctantly, heard Kirby plead again for a date, and again refused him.

      “Don’t you think you’ll ever give in?” he asked.

      “Look, Kirby—”

      “You don’t have to hang up already, do you?”

      “No,” she said. “I’m not busy at the moment. I don’t have to hang up.”

      “Good. You know, what I’d like to do is take you for a nice long walk among the open fields.”

      “I get my share of walking. Hikes every week.”

      “But they’re not at all the same. To begin with, hikes are part of your job. In the second place, walking on dirt roads or through woods can’t compare with tramping over open fields and nice soft grass.”

      “And where would you find open fields to roam around in? Most of them are planted with corn, or have cows all over them.”

      “When you get curious enough, let me know.”

      “I’ll do that.”

      They talked a few minutes longer, Peggy keeping an eye on the clock.

      Finally, when she told him her time was up, Kirby said: “Maybe I shouldn’t mention it, but I made some progress—at least you talked to me a while.”

      Peggy could not help smiling.

      She thought about Kirby’s call again that evening after she had left the throng at the lodge. You couldn’t fault a guy for trying, she thought, as she strolled the camp grounds, savoring the quiet.

      At the bottom of the hill, Peggy turned, her eyes raised to the mammoth lodge, looming dark and somber except for the yellow light bursting through all the windows. Snatches of song and of laughter came rolling down the hillside. Peggy smiled inwardly, thinking of the youngsters in the big building, each one absorbed in the night’s activities, her little mind filled with nothing else.

      Suddenly a wave of loneliness surged through her poignantly. She turned toward the lake, a limitless pool of ink bathed in white moonlight.

      Walking along the lake fence, kicking at an occasional stone, Peggy thought again of Kirby, of their telephone conversation that day. She wondered why she would not date him. Was she so far gone that a man could not appeal to her at all? Were her feelings, all of them, wholly directed elsewhere? Raising her eyes from the ground, she saw her answer. Standing at the gate was a womanly figure in white.

      Peggy’s СКАЧАТЬ