Goodbye Ruby Tuesday. A. Michael L.

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СКАЧАТЬ that may or may not include plastic doll bits,’ she smiled, ‘and I was trying to make it happen here. But let’s be real – an arts centre in Badgeley? I tried to set up a life drawing class last month; four people turned up, laughed at the model’s dick and reported me to the Neighbourhood Watch. Art is never going to happen here.’

      ‘So you do have that same dream? The one Ruby wanted for us?’ Mollie smiled, her whole face soft and light in the sun.

      Evie pursed her lips in embarrassment, ‘That’s stupid, isn’t it? Chelsea’s gone off and has a big important job, and you made a person, and I’m here wanting to do the same stupid thing I wanted to do when I was a teenager. It’s pathetic.’

      ‘It’s not… it’s just, well, we have lives,’ Mollie soothed. ‘I can’t just leave my kid and my job and start up a business that may not work. It’s not… realistic.’

      ‘Neither’s being left a studio space by a dead school friend,’ Chelsea shrugged. ‘And for the record, I don’t have a big important job.’

      ‘Can you explain it in less than three words?’ Evie asked.

      Chelsea opened her mouth, paused, closed it again.

      ‘Lots of paperwork?’ she offered. ‘No wait, let me try again. Project Management Bullshit.’

      ‘Do I have to be polite and ask what that entails?’ Evie said.

      ‘Please spare us both. It’s not worth explaining.’

      Chelsea sighed, looking at the two of them. They were both stuck here. She’d made it – at least, she’d made it out of their crappy town. She had a well-paid job and a lovely boyfriend, but… sure, she still wanted to dance. Back when they’d been hatching this plan, they’d decided Chelsea would teach dance. First, she’d be an international dancing superstar, and then she’d return, and they’d all get together again, and she’d teach all the little girls how to dance. They wouldn’t just be the posh little girls either, they’d be the ones off the estate, the same place as her. They’d get funding and teach anyone who wanted to learn. That was the dream. But it was silly. She didn’t even continue dancing at uni. Too much pressure.

      The silence stretched on. ‘It’s a lovely dream though,’ Mollie sighed. ‘I could make cakes. I always wanted a place to create delicious things, play, make fun stuff. Me and Ez cook together all the time… when the old bat is out of the house, obviously.’

      ‘You were going to teach drama classes, remember? All those little kids who wanted to learn how to lie, and you were going to teach them,’ Evie smiled, remembering the day mild, sweet-mannered Mollie told them she wanted to be involved in that plan, that she wanted to share something that she could do.

      Mollie’s face hardened a little, ‘It’s a beautiful dream, and a beautiful gesture, but… we can’t. We have lives, and we can’t just turn them upside down because Ruby–’

      ‘Died?’ Evie offered, eyebrow raised.

      ‘…wanted us to,’ Mollie finished stiffly. ‘Believe me, I’d love to just run away, but I’m a mum now. I’ve got to be responsible.’

      Evie knew she was fighting a battle that wouldn’t be won, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to win, but she had to keep talking, keep trying. ‘Wouldn’t it be better for Esme to see her mum trying for her dreams? To see her be brave and take a risk? Surely anything is better than being with your mum?’

      Mollie’s eyes flashed, ‘Really, have you seen the shared accommodation they offer to a single teenage mum? Just because you had to come back after art school, you think you know what it’s like to make a life here? At least you got those three years in London! I was meant to be an actress. I had that space on the stage waiting for me when I left here – Ophelia. I was going to be Ophelia and here I am, working in fucking Greggs! Baking cakes and pretending I’m a caterer! Don’t try to tell me what my child needs, because I am doing the fucking best I can.’

      Evie and Chelsea looked at each other, and then back at Mollie. Mollie never said the f-word. She even called it ‘the f-word’. Even before Esme was born, that was just Mollie.

      ‘I… I am so, so sorry Molls. Really,’ Evie grabbed her hand, and could feel as her friend relented.

      She blinked, ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Just… don’t act like I haven’t dreamed about running away. More than once.’

      ‘Come on Chels, let’s hear your reasons. Why don’t you want to?’ Evie switched the focus, trying for playful in her tone, but feeling like a bully. That naughty girl, Evie Rodriguez, causing trouble in the playground again. When all she wanted was for them to play with her and join in the game.

      Chelsea pursed her lips, blonde bob swinging as she thought about it, ‘Hmm,’ she ticked off the points on her fingers, ‘already have a job, live in London, have a boyfriend, didn’t carry on dancing so I can’t teach, don’t really know how I’d be of any bloody use and… well, I have my life now. It’s not amazing, but it’s pretty damn good. Good enough not to sacrifice.’

      ‘She didn’t even say where the studio space was.’ Mollie made a face. ‘What if it was abroad, or somewhere far away and impossible?’

      ‘It was Ruby, she would have thought it through,’ Chelsea admitted, not sure why she was suddenly fighting the cause. She had a life, one she couldn’t leave.

      ‘So I guess that’s that, then,’ Evie said, trying not to sound bitter about it all. It was just like the school trip to Devon. She was insistent they all go, but Chelsea didn’t want to sacrifice time studying, Mollie didn’t have the money, and Ruby never made a decision before it was clear what was already going to happen. Evie was the only one who saw the possibilities, when the rest were full of excuses and reasons why it wouldn’t work. In the end she’d forced them into it, and it hadn’t been easy. She’d applied for the financial aid for Mollie, talking to their teacher about how Mollie was too proud to admit she couldn’t afford to go, so please tell her she’d won a special prize. Then she discussed the dangers of Chelsea’s focused vision with the school guidance counsellor, labouring the amount of teenagers turning to amphetamines to stay up studying, especially when there was a university like Oxford on the line. Suddenly, both of them were on their way, and all Ruby and Evie had to do was look at each other like they were surprised, shrug and get packing. Evie was sure she couldn’t manipulate her friends out of their lives as easily as she’d manipulated them onto a surfboard, but there was a childish part of her that really wanted to try.

      ‘Let’s just finish the wine and remember our friend,’ Chelsea shrugged, reaching for the bottle.

      ‘Yeah, let’s not waste time trying to catch up on each other’s lives, there’s no point I suppose?’ Evie grumbled at her.

      ‘What do you want from me, Evie? You want to sit here and catch up on what we’ve done for the last ten years? When none of that has anything to do with Ruby? I’d rather remember her, instead of telling you about what I’ve done and watching you search for reasons to get pissed at me, because I left and you didn’t.’

      Evie tugged at her hair, twisting a dark curl around her fingers. Chelsea had a point. She was jealous that Chelsea got to have that life, and she’d spend time attacking her. It wouldn’t even be on purpose, but jealousy and loss work that way.

      ‘I think СКАЧАТЬ