‘… then he ate my boy entrancers.’. Louise Rennison

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СКАЧАТЬ didn’t have to listen to this; it was making me feel quite sick.

      Jas said, “Perhaps some kinds of boys like tiny foreheads. Tom said that he knows a boy who’s mad for girls who wear really thick glasses.”

      Good grief. Still, at least, there was a chance for Nauseating P. Green.

      Ellen was obviously in her own dream world. “That mate of Tom’s – Speedy – asked me out when I was down the square, but…oh…I don’t know, it’s just there is something. I mean, he’s nice but I still…you know…have feelings for…well, you know…Do you think?”

      I said, “Can I ask you something, Ellen? What are you raving on about?”

      I wished I hadn’t asked.

      “I mean Dave the Laugh. Is he going out with Rachel still…or…er…what?”

      Jas said, “He wasn’t with her when we saw him the other day, was he, Gee? Did he mention her when you went for a coffee?”

      Oh shutupshutup about Dave the sodding Laugh.

      Ellen was just about to start the “I didn’t know that you saw Dave the Laugh, what did you talk about, did he mention me, how come you went for a coffee with him?” scenario when Mabs saved my bacon (ish).

      She said, “How do you know that Masimo wants to see you?”

      “Well, he asked me for my telephone number and I couldn’t give it to him because my head was about to drop off from redness. So he said, “OK, Miss Hard to Get, I will see you later, when I get back from America.”

      Ellen was looking at me. “So he said ‘See you later’ then?”

      I said, “No, not just ‘see you later’ like in ‘s’later’ but more—”

      But Ellen was locked into her own ramblosity. “Dave the Laugh said ‘see you later’ to me and I did the flicky hair and everything and dancing by myself and so on…and then he went off with Rachel.”

      The gang started nodding wisely (not).

      I said, “Yes, but Masimo said ‘see you later’ after I had become Mystery Woman.”

      Rosie said, “Mystery Woman?”

      “Yes, after I had accidentally treated him to my glaciosity.”

      Rosie had her face really close to mine.

      “You are Mystery Woman?”

      All the gang looked at me.

      Jools said, “You are MYSTERY Woman?”

      Then Mabs said, “YOU are Mystery Woman?”

      What is this, a parrots’ convention?

      Rosie said, “Mystery Woman. You are Mystery Woman. Not as you used to be – ‘Oooooooh my boy entrancers have stuck together’ Woman?”

      Home 5:30 p.m.

      Oh boo. Now I’ve got the screaming heebie-jeebies and doubtosityall rolled into one. Perhaps Masimo says “See you when I get back, Miss Hard to Get” to everyone.

      5:45 p.m.

      Just when you think things couldn’t get any worse, they take a turn for the worserer.

      Grandad has cancelled his cat duties because he’s going on a bicycling tour to the Lake District. He says he has heard the call of the wild and is setting out tonight with his backpack.

      I cannot believe the utter selfishosity of the elderly.

      5:50 p.m.

      Family “conference” (aka Dad shouting a lot).

      We can’t think of anyone stupid…er…kind enough to look after Angus and Gordy.

      6:15 p.m.

      Mum has tried all her so-called aerobics friends and none of them will come over.

      I said to her, “Did you tell them about the mice cream incident?”

      Of course she has, so she has only herself to blame.

      6:30 p.m.

      Sadly I have also shown off about Angus and Gordy’s “adventures” and alluring little habits vis à vis woodland animals, pooing, etc. So none of my friends will have anything to do with them. Rosie said that Sven said he’d look after Angus and Gordy in a cave he has found. But the whole idea of that is far, far too weird.

      Vati said, “What about a cattery, then?”

      That’s when Angus came in with a spade. We all just looked at one another.

      Vati said, “Well, there is only one thing for it. I’m going to have to ask for a bit of neighbourly support.”

      7:15 p.m.

      Dad went to Mr Next Door first. As he went through the door he said, “Alfred and I have always had a bit of an understanding, although I know we’ve had our differences vis à vis the damage Angus has done to his rhododendrons—”

      I said, “And when he rounded the Prat Poodles up and trapped them in the greenhouse.”

      “Yes, well…”

      “And then rode them round like little horsies.”

      “Yes, well…”

      “And the dog psychiatrist having to come in.”

      Dad took his coat off.

      7:25 p.m.

      Dad said, “I’ll just pop across the road to Colin and, you know, see if maybe he could just keep an eye on feeding them.”

      7:28 p.m.

      Dad’s back.

      He said, “He laughed.”

      Dad has slammed off to the pub to talk to Uncle Eddie and see if he knows any fools who might help us out.

      7:33 p.m.

      Doorbell rang. I looked down the stairs from the safety of my bedroom.

      Mutti answered. Uh-oh. It was one of our beloved boys in blue. And as policemen go, he didn’t look pleased. Now what?

      I scampered СКАЧАТЬ