The Curds and Whey Mystery. Bob Burke
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Название: The Curds and Whey Mystery
Автор: Bob Burke
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Детская проза
isbn: 9780007364046
isbn:
‘That’s ’im over there,’ shouted one suddenly, and he scuttled in my direction.
I panicked and began to run. Heedless of where I was going, my only thought was to put as much distance between me and them as I possibly could.
Through the darkness I was just able to make out a small mound of earth. Maybe I could hide behind it. Figuring that it was a better option than wandering aimlessly around a building site in the dark, I dived over it. To my horror I found that, rather than landing on the ground beyond...well...remember those large holes I was talking about earlier? That’s what was at the far side of that little mound. Bracing myself for impact, I landed with a resounding splash into a large pool of dirty water that covered me from head to toe in cold, wet mud. No need to worry about keeping clean now, but from what I could hear of my pursuers I was now so well camouflaged that they had problems finding me. They probably figured I was just another heap of mud.
‘Where he go?’ said one.
‘Dunno,’ said the other. ‘Maybe he escape.’
‘No, he still here. Me heard big splash.’
Clearly my new muddy ensemble allowed me to blend in perfectly with my surroundings. It may have been freezing and mucky but at least it was keeping me safe.
After a half-hearted search, the two gnomes gave up looking for me, finished their patrol and headed back to the hut. Rather than continue to wander in confusion around a dark building site, I chose to remain hidden where I was – cold and wet – until daylight. As soon as the skies began to lighten and I could see my way, I sneaked out of the building site and made my way home for a long, warm and much needed shower.
Revenge Is a Dish Best Served with Bacon
Later that morning – clean, dry and smelling so much nicer – I considered my options. I knew who was trying to frighten Miss Muffet out of business and I knew why. Now all I had to do was convince one of Grimmtown’s most notorious criminals to back off and leave my client alone. I was more than a bit apprehensive as, even though I had something over Edna, she was a woman who didn’t like to be crossed, especially if it involved her losing money – and I was quite certain that, in this instance, it would.
I required a plan; I needed it to work and, above all, I needed it fast. But I was stumped. Yes, the great detective didn’t know what to do. As I sat at my desk waiting for inspiration, I had a quick read of the front page of our daily newspaper, the Grimmtown Times. The headlines were of the usual type:
Dumpty Wins Citizen of the Year for Third Year Running.
Grimmtown Goblins Reach Regional Finals.
Tuffet’s Historic Status Confirmed by Local Archaeologist.
Mother Goose Wins Libel Case. Ugly Duckling Must Pay Damages.
Troll Finally Evicted from under Bridge. No More Tolls for Locals.
As I scanned them, the germ of a plan began to formulate. The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. I might just be able to pull this one out of the hat after all. I could even see my own headline: ‘Third Pig Saves the Day – Miss Muffet Stays.’ I grinned to myself and called Miss Muffet. It was time to swing into action.
An hour later Miss Muffet and I were standing outside the front door of Edna’s massive mansion. It was a very impressive house indeed – more like a palace. Built completely out of white marble, it stood at the top of a hill overlooking the rest of Grimmtown. If I were rich, it was just the kind of house I’d like to have. Unfortunately, I had to make do with a grotty flat that gave a great view of the local abattoir. It didn’t really compare.
The massive door in front of us swung inwards and one of Edna’s personal bodyguards, a large silverback gorilla in a tuxedo, stuck his head out for a look. There was a short pause while it tried to figure out where it had seen me before, followed by a spark of recognition and a very impressive accelerated leap backwards, his eyes bulging in fear. Miss Muffet was visibly impressed. If I could scare a gorilla like that, I was clearly the right man for the job. I neglected to tell her that, as a result of my last encounter with Edna and her goons, I had a protective spell placed on me. Any time one of the gorillas approached me, it began to shrink. By the time it reached me it was usually the size of a puppy and not in a position to do much by way of damage. It was a kind of magical restraining order and was the only thing that was allowing me to brazenly confront Edna in her lair. Well, would you want to take on two fully grown gorillas with bad attitude, bad breath, bad posture and bad dress sense – and that’s on top of all the other representatives of the criminal brotherhood that hung around in Edna’s? I’d met some of them before, during my last visit here, and it hadn’t ended well for quite a few of them. I’m sure they’d relish the prospect of another visit from me.
While the gorilla disappeared – presumably to announce my arrival – another, less impressive denizen of the house came out to see who was at the door. There was a short pause while it too tried to figure out where it had seen me before, followed, eventually, by another spark of recognition. It seemed to be the day for them.
‘Pig here,’ he shouted over his shoulder.
‘Pig from last night?’ came a reply from inside.
‘Yeah. Maybe now we sort him out,’
The first gnome rushed at me and then goggled in surprise as he was suddenly grabbed by the neck and swung sideways. As his colleague ran out after him, he suffered the same fate. Both had failed to notice the two rather large creatures that stood on either side of the door. We hadn’t come unprepared.
‘Ah, you haven’t met my associates, Mr Lewis and Mr Carroll,’ I said, indicating the two massive ogres each of whom was dangling a gnome by the neck. Well, did you really think I was just going to walk into Edna’s unprepared – magic restraining order or not? I’m not that stupid.
Both gnomes gurgled something which might have been, ‘Please let us go, we are in considerable discomfort,’ or might just as easily have been, ‘We are delighted to make the acquaintance of these two large gentlemen you cleverly brought with you as protection.’ It was hard to tell, but one thing was for sure, they weren’t in a position to do anything threatening to either Miss Muffet or me. Mr Lewis and Mr Carroll had that kind of effect. Each was over eight feet tall and, when squeezed into a black tuxedo, looked very intimidating indeed. I had brought them with me exactly for this kind of situation.
‘Gentlemen, I think you can put them down. I don’t believe they will be too much trouble from now on.’
Both gnomes tried to nod their agreement – but it’s difficult to nod when your neck is being tightly clenched by a hand the size of a beach ball.
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