Bugsy Malone. Alan Parker

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СКАЧАТЬ Sam stopped pacing, and snatched a wooden pool cue from the rack. He stepped forward to the pool table. One of his men moved forward with the box. No one ever mentioned the box, but unless Fat Sam stood on it there was no way he could possibly reach the pool table. Sam stabbed at the first ball. To everyone’s relief it thudded down into the corner pocket. With the box preceding him, Fat Sam stalked around the table and, as he potted the balls one by one, he shouted, “So tell me how you allow this to happen? Roxy was one of my best. What have you got to say for yourselves, you bunch of dummies? Knuckles? Louis? Ritzy? Angelo? Snake-Eyes?” Fat Sam’s gang looked at each other uneasily. They always agreed with everything Fat Sam said. They weren’t stupid.

      Sitting by the water cooler was Knuckles, Fat Sam’s number one man. He cracked his knuckles often, which is how he got his name. It always looked a little threatening as he idly clicked at the bones in his hands, but to tell the truth it was more nerves than bravado – though Knuckles never let on. He had a name to live up to and he was determined to do it.

      Louis was called Louis because he resembled Shakedown Louis, a hero in these parts. No one ever knew Shakedown Louis, or what he did, but he had a name and it was enough for anyone that Louis resembled him. And anyway, whoever heard of a hoodlum called Joshuah Spleendecker. Mrs Spleendecker preferred Louis. And most of all Louis preferred Louis.

      Snake-Eyes got his name because of those two little ivory cubes that clicked and clicked away in his palm. He had been the king of any street corner crap game ever since he learned that a dice has six faces and a hood only needs two.

      Ritzy was the quietest of the bunch. He was a dapper dresser, with knife-edged creases down his trousers that could cut your throat. Ritzy was one of those people who always look like they’ve come straight from the laundry. He had starched eyelids, ears neatly pressed and steamed, and even his smile seemed to crease his face like it had been freshly applied by the best laundry in Chinatown.

      Angelo was called Angelo because his mother thought it was a cute name. It was also his father’s name, and his grandfather’s name, which meant that the chances of his being called Clarence or Albin were pretty slim.

      “Call yourselves hoodlums?” Fat Sam was saying. “You’re a disgrace to your profession, do you hear me? A disgrace. And most of all you’re a disgrace to Fat Sam.”

      Fat Sam poked his chest proudly with his thumb. He mopped at his forehead with his handkerchief. Still the gang remained motionless. Fat Sam walked to the drinks cupboard. He yanked at the handle and pulled down the veneered front flap. He took out a crystal decanter of orange juice, and toyed with it as he spoke.

      “We all know who’s behind this, don’t we?”

      The gang replied in mechanical unison. “Sure do, Boss.”

      “You don’t need a head full of brains to know that, do you?”

      “Sure don’t, Boss.”

      “We all know who’s been monkeying us around, don’t we?”

      “Oh yeah, Boss. We sure know.”

      “So who it is, you dummies? Tell me who?”

      The gang looked at one another for a moment. They weren’t sure if they should risk mentioning that dreaded name in Fat Sam’s office. They decided together. They were all wrong.

      “Dandy Dan, Boss.”

      Fat Sam was so incensed he fell off his box. His face bloated out to become a passable imitation of a Christmas balloon. He screamed, “Don’t mention that man’s name in this office.”

      The gang redeemed themselves by picking him up and brushing him down. Fat Sam seethed away and steam seemed to squirt from his ears. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and the gang stiffened visibly. Ritzy looked even starchier, Snake-Eyes clicked at his dice, Knuckles cracked his knuckles. Louis pulled back his shoulders, shot out his cuffs and did his impersonation of Shakedown Louis. Fat Sam kept his dignity. After all, he was Fat Sam.

      “Come in,” he said.

      The door opened, and a curly blonde head popped nervously around it. It was Blousey. She had finally tired of waiting and had plucked up the courage to come in. The gang looked at her incredulously.

      “Er... Mr Stacetto, I’m Miss Blousey Brown. I’ve come about the job. I’m a dancer.”

      Fat Sam couldn’t believe his ears. He bellowed, “A dancer! A dancer! Believe me, honey, right now I don’t need a dancer. Come back tomorrow.”

      Blousey retreated in despair, but before she could close the door, the little janitor, who had been waiting behind her for his chance, also made his plea for showbiz stardom.

      “Er... Mr Stacetto, I wondered if I could have my audition... last week you said...”

      Before he could finish Fat Sam had jumped in feet first and trampled on his sentence. “Am I going mad? Fizzy, will you get out of here.”

      Fizzy had anticipated the answer. It wasn’t new to him, and he ducked out of the room as Sam’s words hit the door. In his speedy exit, he forgot that he’d left his bucket outside and put his foot in it, toppling headlong over Blousey as he retreated.

      Inside, Fat Sam continued to bellow at his gang.

      “Dancers! Dancers! I’m surrounded by mamby-pamby dancers, singers, piano players, banjo players, in-whistle players – at a time when I need brains, you hear me, brains. Brains and muscles.”

      The last words sizzled the gang’s eardrums and rattled the pictures on the wall. Knuckles took it upon himself to speak for the rest. He offered meekly, “You’ve got us, Boss!”

      Knuckles took the soda siphon from the shelf and attempted to top up Fat Sam’s glass of orange juice. The soda water went many places but Fat Sam’s glass wasn’t one of them. Sam looked down at his drenched suit.

      “You! You great hunk of lard. Your trouble is you’ve got muscle where you ought to have brains. My canary’s got more brains than you, you dumb salami!”

      Fat Sam pulled Knuckles’ hat over his head, snatched the siphon and squirted it at him. As the soda water dripped from his face, Ritzy, Louis, and Snake-Eyes giggled nervously. That was a mistake.

      Sam turned to them, siphon poised. “So what’s funny? Something make you laugh?”

      The remainder of the gang felt the full force of the soda as it bounced from hood to hood, leaving their sharp, smiling faces damp and droopy.

      Outside in the corridor, Fizzy the janitor helped Blousey with her things. She picked up her heavy case and straightened her hat. Fizzy offered her a little consolation.

      “Don’t worry, honey, I’ve been trying to see him for months and months.”

      “You have? What do you do?”

      “I’m only the greatest tap dancer on earth.”

      “You are?”

      “Of course I are. Cross my heart.” Fizzy’s heart must have been in a funny place, because he crossed his face. “But all he ever says is come back tomorrow. I ask you, how many times can I come back tomorrow?”

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