Call Sign Karma. Jamie Rae

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СКАЧАТЬ style="font-size:15px;">      “All right Lieutenant. You passed the operational test. How’s the head?”

      For the first time since the simulation began, I looked over at the control box. Several familiar and unfamiliar faces stared back at me. I stared into each of their eyes. Pride, arrogance, satisfaction, doubt, then his...the one that I wanted to avoid most. I forced myself to face him. The electric blue shade burned into my soul and tortured me. Pity? Regret? Sorrow?

      No. He didn’t get to feel sorry for me.

      The hair raised on the back of my neck as perspiration trickled down my spine. My legs shook as my bottom lip quivered in pure rage. I struggled to maintain my wall.

      They were screwing with me. They took me to the brink of crashing, and forced me past my impending doom. The last simulation was an exact replica of my brother’s crash. It wasn’t a coincidence. It was a test. They made me relive Colin’s death so they could assess my reaction. They were trying to break me. I was their lab rat under dissection. Arrogant sons of bitches.

      And he stood shoulder to shoulder with them.

      I dug my fingers into my leg to keep from tearing off my helmet and hurling it at them. Every fiber of me wanted to launch it so that it would ricochet and take more than one of their smug asses out. Bowling for bastards. But I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. I had something more important to do.

      I pushed up my sleeves, lifted my chin and jerked out my hand giving a thumbs-up. It was all I could manage without losing my freaking mind. I unhooked my helmet and harness, and climbed out of the simulator.

      “Good job with the ‘standard’ emergency procedures, Lieutenant. Looks like you’re ready for Monday’s flight,” Shatter, my commander, said.

      “Yes sir,” I replied and pulled off my helmet. I stood at attention with it under my arm. A million thoughts swirled in my head, but the loudest was the one shouting for me to get the hell out of there. I was careful not to look anyone directly in the eyes. I knew it would be my tipping point and it wasn’t going to happen, not today. I planted my heels firmly into the ground.

      “Good. What do you think fellas, she good to go?” a major asked and my left eye began to twitch.

      Oh hell. They were not going to do this in front of me. I shifted my weight and blurred the voices in the room. I stared at a smudge on the wall instead of at the lineup of asshats determining my fate. I counted back from one hundred.

      “Pinkerton!”

      “Yes, sir,” I answered and stopped counting, wondering if I was using my outside voice.

      “You’re dismissed,” T-Rex barked.

      I saluted, spun, and walked toward the door. Once outside, the muggy air flooded my lungs as if I were surfacing from underwater. I inhaled and rushed to the equipment room to drop my gear and get off this base as soon as possible.

      * * * *

      They tricked me into the jet with my brother. They tried to rattle me on purpose, to break me. But they didn’t know I had been in that cockpit with him before. I was there on that day in the tower and I was there every day since it had happened. I couldn’t count the number of times I watched that video, how many times I relived that explosion, or how many wishes I had made to change what had happened that day.

      Colin was my big brother, my protector, my knight, my best friend, and my world. I lost my security when I lost him. I was so broken that it frightened me. I fought hard to hide the tears and bury the pain. It left me feeling like an empty shell in a life without emotion. It was the only way I knew how to move forward so that I could clear his name.

      I pushed through my life for my brother because deep down I knew it was what he would want. Colin was proud that I was going to be a fighter pilot. He was my biggest supporter, my biggest fan, and, even though I felt so alone without him, I wasn’t going to let him down. Not again.

      The drive home was a blur. I threw my bags on the floor, went to my room, and changed. I needed to run. Whose idea had it been to relive the scenario? My commander? T-Rex? Locke? Damn, maybe I really knew nothing about him after all. Shoes laced and about to burst, I jogged down my stairs off the back deck and toward the shoreline.

      The salty air from the water stung as I breathed. The voice in the simulator, warning of impending doom, echoed in my mind. I pounded my feet harder against the ground trying to shake the panic, the fear, the feeling of coldness that lingered in my veins. Was that how Colin felt? Did he know he was about to die? Was he frightened? Did it hurt?

      I fell to my knees at the water’s edge panting. I picked up a handful of sand and tossed it into the ocean. Flying was our dream—together. It would never happen now.

      My throat burned.

      “We said we’d do this together,” I shouted, choking back a sob. “We said we’d do it together.” I whispered, my bottom lip trembling.

      Something moved in the water and startled me. I stood up to get a better look, brushing the sand from my hands. It was probably just a dolphin. My heart raced as the sea creature broke through the water. It was a shark. A shark with blond hair, iced-blue eyes, and six-pack abs. A shark named Locke.

      The water sparkled across his tan chiseled abs and he dragged his hand threw his thick blond hair. A familiar storm of rage, desire, and disgust brewed inside. I bit my lip and turned back to the house.

      “Tinklee!” he called out.

      I picked up my pace, hurrying up the stairs and inside. Why did he have to make me feel like this? Like I wanted to kiss him then punch him. It pissed me off that this was the reality of my life. The truth was simple—reality sucked ass.

      Chapter 8

      I tossed and turned as the crash flashed through my mind like lightning bolts. I rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head.

      The familiar sting in the back of my eyes burned as the nightmares taunted me. I watched myself drift down the aisle behind the casket in the church with a twisted expression pulling at my face. A long line of people with extended hands and solemn stares drifted in and out of the haunted dreams as I knelt, sobbing at Colin’s grave wanting to join him. My shaky fingers traced along his scripted name on one of the many lined rows of tombstones at the Academy burial ground. The images, like the stone that marked Colin’s grave, were cold and hard. And just like that horrid day, I desperately prayed for an escape out of this suffocating hell.

      I jerked up blinking rapidly and gasped for air as my pillow fell to the side. I buried my hands deep into my hair and squeezed my eyes shut.

      I slammed my foot on the mattress as the back of my eyelids burned. That freaking episode in the simulator had brought back the nightmares. Avoiding the tears, I pushed off the bed and stared out the window. I knew none of this would be easy, but I didn’t expect it to make me feel so out of control.

      I didn’t know how long I stood there but I was grateful when the sky began to warm and even more grateful for a shower. Steam filled the room as the scent of vanilla verbena filled the air while I lathered my hair. My scalp tingled and my lids felt heavy. Zombies were more alive than me.

      A car door slammed, startling me.

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