Gonna Lay Down My Burdens. Mary Monroe

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СКАЧАТЬ was too afraid to hit *69, but I had a good idea who it was. As soon as I hung up, the phone rang again.

      “Carmen, did you get my messages? Where were you? I’ve been calling and calling!” Just as I had thought, it was Desiree Lucienne, my best friend and the one with the most baggage. That Desiree. She was a beautiful person inside and out. She was intelligent and her heart was in the right place, but she represented the dark side of the African-American dream. She was weak, self-centered, and foolish. Every time her bad choices got her in trouble, I was the broom she used to sweep up her mess.

      “Desiree? What’s the matter?” I asked in a labored voice. The noisy neighbors in the apartments on both sides of me were blasting Whitney Houston. I heard a car backfire outside and then the scream of a siren. Peeping out of the window behind my sofa, I saw a dog running around in circles chasing his own tail under the yellow glow of a dim streetlight. A storm that had started right after I left work had intensified. The wind was howling and blowing the branches on the sumac tree outside my living room window against the side of my building so hard, I could barely hear Desiree, even though she was yelling at the top of her lungs.

      “Carmen, Chester knows!” Desiree told me between raspy sobs. There was some static on the telephone line that made her voice seem even more irritating.

      “Knows what?” The towel that I had wrapped around my wet hair had come undone. I took a deep breath, braced myself, and held the towel in place with both hands. I pressed the telephone between my shoulder and chin as I eased down on the sofa and crossed my legs.

      “He knows I am planning to leave him. He knows everything. He even knows that you are the one who hid his gun!”

      “Shit! How did he find out?”

      Even with all of the windows in my living room cracked open, I started sweating profusely. I untied the belt to my bathrobe to keep it from sticking to my naked body. I let the bathrobe fall open, fanning myself with the tail.

      “I don’t know how he knows, but he knows.” Desiree’s voice changed from pleading to demanding. “You have to come get me. I need for you to bring my stuff to the house and get me out of here. Now.”

      “Where is Chester now?” I asked firmly, still fanning myself. A trickle of sweat slid from my face and dropped into my lap. I licked my lips, trying to savor the margarita I had splashed.

      “He just left. He ran out of here when I locked myself in the bedroom. I don’t want to be here when he gets back. When I tried to leave, he stretched out on the ground in front of my car. Oh—I’ve never seen him this mad.”

      “Listen to me. Calm down,” I advised, holding up my hand. “Chester is not crazy. I know him better than you do. He’s mostly talk,” I added, as I roughly wiped my face with the sleeve of my bathrobe.

      “Carmen, he said he was going to kill me. I have to get out of Alabama tonight.” Desiree’s voice had risen to a howl.

      “Tonight? Girl, I’m getting married tomorrow. You’re supposed to be my matron of honor,” I reminded her. “You guys been drinking?” I leaned over to pick up the magazines that I had knocked over and placed them on the coffee table next to a bowl of brown bananas and bruised apples.

      “I haven’t had a drop, but he’s had a few. He’s gone crazy, Carmen. You can even see it in his eyes!”

      “Calm down,” I insisted, holding the telephone away from my face for a brief moment.

      “Calm down? How can I calm down with a crazy man on the loose?” Desiree hollered. “Threatening to kill me!”

      I sighed and held the phone closer to my ear. “Let me call you back in a few minutes. I just got out of the shower and I’m still wet. Let me dry my hair and put on some clothes. I promise, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

      “Half an hour? Girl, I don’t have that kind of time. I got to get up out of here now,” Desiree wailed impatiently.

      “Well, I can’t fly and it’d take me at least ten minutes to get there anyway.” I snatched the towel off my head and hurled it across the room. It landed on top of my TV, covering part of the large screen like a curtain. I had turned off the TV. A news break had interrupted a Cosby rerun to report a late-breaking story about some fishermen stumbling across the nude body of a dead young Black woman. I didn’t want to have to deal with anybody’s death on the eve of my wedding. “Listen, catch a cab and come on over here until Chester cools off.”

      “I don’t want to catch a cab. I want you to come get me and take me to the airport in Meridian.”

      “Airport? In Meridian, Mississippi? What’s wrong with you, girl?” I had a hard time getting my words out without choking on them. “You’re not going to be around for my wedding?”

      “I won’t be around for your wedding or anything else if I don’t get out of this house and out of this state before Chester gets back.”

      This was not the first time Desiree had disappointed me. Though it didn’t surprise me, it saddened me to know that of all things, my wedding was being upstaged by her latest dilemma. But she was my best friend, and though I had never burdened her with my problems, she had been a good friend for seventeen years. And even though it was with hesitation, I accepted part of the blame for her being so quick to turn to me when she needed help. I had allowed our friendship to come to this. I couldn’t remember one single time when I hadn’t come through for Desiree—and just about everybody else for that matter.

      “I know I can count on you, Carmen. I always did. Girl, you are so good to me. I hope that one of these days I can do something for you,” Desiree added, speaking in a much calmer voice now. But then she broke down and cried like a baby for a full minute. “I…I’m sorry, Carmen,” she rattled. She sniffed and cleared her throat.

      “Just hang on a little while longer. Everything’s going to be all right. I’ll be there as soon as I can get dressed.” I sighed and sucked in my breath before continuing. “Desiree, this is the last time I’m getting involved with you and Chester. I can’t keep bailing you out of one mess after another. Shit.” My words surprised me as much as they surprised Desiree. I heard her gasp.

      “You won’t have to after tonight,” she said distantly, clearing her throat. “Chester is going to be out of our lives for good. Carmen, I am so sorry I won’t be with you tomorrow. I don’t know how or when, but I will make this up to you. I know how you must be feeling.”

      Desiree didn’t have a clue about the painful things I hid behind my smile, and I didn’t want her to. I was the poster girl for strong young Black women. I kept my tears and my weaknesses to myself. I had carried my burdens alone all my life, twenty-nine years now. I was tired of the way things had been, but not tired enough to say no to Desiree that night.

      I bit the side of my bottom lip before responding. “No, you don’t, Desiree,” I said, talking between quivering lips. I had to blink hard to hold back my own tears.

      As soon as I hung up, the telephone rang again. This time it was Regina Witherspoon. Before Desiree had roared into my life, Regina had been my best friend. Desiree, the spoiled daughter of a doctor, and Regina, a proud ghetto princess, didn’t care that much for one another. I fell somewhere in between. They tolerated one another just to please me.

      “Carmen, you ready?” Regina always sounded like she was in a hurry. I could hear her tapping her telephone impatiently with the tip СКАЧАТЬ