All I Want Is Everything. Daaimah S. Poole

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СКАЧАТЬ Charlotte and her kids than you do about us. I know you don’t ever come see us. You worried about that stupid woman. She got you brainwashed,” I said as I stood over him with my hands on my hips.

      “Kendra, your mouth is so damn smart. You going to end up just like your mother—old, miserable, and alone.”

      “My mother isn’t old, miserable, or alone. You know what? You real stupid, taking care of Charlotte’s three kids that ain’t yours while you got five here that belong to you.”

      “Don’t mind my business. Stay in a child’s place,” he said under his breath.

      I let him know I heard what he said. “I’m not a child. I’m almost grown. I don’t know if you remember, but I’ll be eighteen in a month,” I shouted.

      “Well, I’m glad you almost grown. Don’t look for anything from me since you so damn grown.”

      I wanted to tell my dad, fuck you. But I still had a little respect for him, so I flagged him and said, “Whatever!”

      Alanna walked in out of the cold. “Daddy,” she screamed as she ran and hugged the man who didn’t do anything for us. She treated my dad like a king and he loved her treatment.

      “Hey, princess,” he said as he gave her a kiss. As mean as Alanna was to everyone else, she adored him. There was something wrong with that girl, but then they say the absent parent gets all the love. I walked out of the living room into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and pulled out some Hawaiian Punch juice, then sat down and started my homework.

      After my dad installed and filled the three kerosene heaters, he walked out of the door like he always did. Usually I would start dinner, but with no gas I had to wait until my mother came home, which she did around five-thirty.

      “Daddy was here,” I said as she walked through the door.

      “What he say?” my mother asked.

      “Nothing. He left those kerosene heaters. He got smart with me ’cause I told him he should pay you your child support on time.”

      “Your dad does the best he can. At least this will give me some more time until I’ll be able to get the heat on,” she said, a little relieved as she checked out the kerosene heaters.

      “You going back out, Mom?” I asked.

      “Yeah. Here, order two pizzas. If you need me I’ll be down at the Pearl,” she said as she handed me a twenty.

      I ordered the pizza and fed Bubbles and Bilal when they got home from their after-school program. I had to admit it did feel warmer with the kerosene heaters. I didn’t have to walk around with blankets over me, but I still hated my dad. The phone rang. It was Chantel.

      “What’s up?”

      “Kendra, I called to tell you that Dajuan likes you!”

      “No, he don’t.”

      “Yes, he do. He told me. You got to get with him. You know he got a car and he having a party Saturday. He told me to tell you to come. You think he cute, right?”

      “Yeah, he is cute, but come on. Ain’t he like in the eleventh grade?”

      “He really belongs in the twelfth grade, and he goes to night school so he can graduate on time.”

      “He’s cute, but I don’t like him like that. I don’t have time for dumb boys. And don’t he go with Andrea?”

      “No, they broke up. Think about what you going to wear Saturday, okay?”

      “You going to do my hair?” Bubbles asked, interrupting my conversation.

      “Wait a minute. When I get off the phone. Go get the comb and grease and tell Bilal to get ready for bed.”

      I heard her tell Bilal I said to go to bed and I heard him say, “Man, I’m playing the game.”

      “You heard what I said, Bilal,” I screamed up the steps.

      “Man, can’t I stay up a little longer?” he yelled back.

      “No, ’cause you not gonna want to get up in the morning,” I said as I got back on the phone.

      “Chantel, I have to go. I’ll go to the party on Saturday.” I hung up the phone and began to part, grease, and braid Bubble’s hair in five cornrows going back. Then I went upstairs to relax and get ready for bed. I put my Walkman on my head and began to sing along with my Mary J. Blige tape. I’d loved her ever since she came out with “Real Love.” She was so good, and her voice and lyrics were so deep. I pulled out my song book and began writing. I wrote in my book every time I had a thought. I kept it to the side of my bed. My thoughts were rudely interrupted by Alanna. “Why you always got to be singing? Why don’t you shut up sometimes?” She said as she came into our bedroom. I tried to pay her no attention. She was in the room planning her wardrobe for the week like the snob she was.

      “Kendra, did you wear my pink and purple striped shirt?”

      “No.”

      “Yes, you did. How come I can’t find it?”

      “Leave me alone. I don’t feel like it,” I said as I took my clothes off and got in my bed. I was trying to play it cool because I had worn her shirt and forgotten to wash it and put it back. I hoped me telling her I didn’t was convincing enough. I turned my Walkman up higher and closed my eyes.

      “I know you wore my shirt. Next time just ask me. I know you want to be like me,” she said as she pulled my headphones off of one ear. I put my middle finger up at her and she got in her bed. I heard her call Bruce and say how she loved him so much. She made a kissing noise, then turned the light off and went to sleep. She was so boy crazy.

      I liked boys, but they weren’t my world. My mom sat me and Lana down when we were twelve and said boys just want one thing and that’s a hot and tight place to put their dicks. That was the nastiest thing I’d ever heard, and she turned me off from sex. That same speech ain’t do nothing for Lana ’cause I know she giving it up. My sister probably would be pregnant by next summer—at least that’s what my mother said, and I agreed. I tried sex twice. Once with this boy named Mookie two years before—I didn’t like it—and another time with Dontae at summer school. Everybody I knew was doing it and they liked it. Chantel told me it feels real good, but I don’t like no one like that and I don’t want to get pregnant and have a bunch of kids. If my sister gets pregnant maybe I can get my own room, I thought as I rolled over in my bed and went to sleep.

      The pain in my side let me know that my bladder could not wait until the morning to go to the bathroom. Instead of getting up and going, I yawned and tried to lie on my other side. I didn’t feel like walking all the way down the hall to the bathroom. I turned to my side, brought my legs closer to my chest and tried to hold it in and go back to sleep. I still had my Walkman on, and there was a loud commercial on, so I turned it off and placed it to the side of my bed. Then I noticed there was a bright light flickering under the door. I squinted to see exactly what it was. I coughed a little and then sat up. There was a burning smell in the room. I tried to make sense of what I was seeing and smelling. I went up to my door and touched it. It was very hot. I ran over to Lana’s bed and screamed, “Lana, get up.” I shook СКАЧАТЬ