Reinventing You. Dorie Clark

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СКАЧАТЬ it’s time to make the approach. Melcher suggests making it clear that you want to set aside time for an interview, not just regular friendly chitchat. “If you tell your friend you’re interviewing them, they take it much more seriously and will give you different answers,” he says. “You have to signal to people why you’re having the conversation: ‘I’m going to spend the next twenty minutes asking you about my brand, because I’d really like to see how I’m perceived.’”

      Face-to-face interviews often yield better answers because you can follow up in real time if something isn’t clear or if you’d like to probe an answer further, but they don’t always work. Sometimes, geography intervenes—you’re in Miami and the interviewee is in Mumbai. Sometimes, your respondent is just too busy, and the best you’re going to get is an e-mail pecked out on a smartphone in between layovers. And sometimes—let’s be honest—you can’t handle the feedback. It’s easy enough to tamp your down emotions if you’re reading an e-mail; you can just snap the screen shut, take a long walk, and calm down if you see something you weren’t expecting. But in real time, it can be harder to hide your emotions. Sometimes the truth can be painful, and if your poker face isn’t up to snuff, you may want to stick to electronic communication.

      The secret, whether you’re meeting in person or sending an e-mail request, is to stress the need for honesty (otherwise, what’s the point?). New York–based coach Alisa Cohn says you almost have to be forceful because friends’ desire to protect you is often so strong: “Say, ‘I’m trying to develop myself, and I know you love me, and I’d appreciate your candid feedback about my limitations.’ And they’ll say, ‘You don’t have any,’ and you say, ‘No, I’m serious.’ You have to get them to take it seriously. You have to cajole them into it.”

      One trick, she says, is to provide them with leads, so they’re not the one bringing up something negative: “You can say, ‘I’ve gotten feedback in the past that I’m a tactical, not a strategic thinker. I’m wondering if you’ve seen that and what you think.’ When you rat yourself out first, they can add on.”

      Arranging Your Focus Group

      In addition to (or instead of) one-on-one conversations, another possibility is hosting a small group gathering. This only works if your network is geographically proximate, but the benefit is that you can leverage the wisdom of crowds when one person’s idea sparks another. But instead of a Madison Avenue ad agency testing a new soda campaign or Procter & Gamble probing which scent is more “shower fresh,” this is a focus group where the focus is you. Here’s the setup.

      Identify a group of about fifteen trusted friends and colleagues (eight to ten is the ideal number of attendees, and you know several won’t be able to make it, and a few others will back out the day of the gathering). Tell them that you’d like to interview them about your brand and that you’re conducting a focus group to get honest feedback because you want to grow professionally. (If you have another friend who’s also interested in reinventing herself, you can suggest swapping the host duties for the focus group. You can take charge of inviting her friends and colleagues, and vice versa. That may help if you’re shy; after all, it’s often easier to do things for someone else, rather than yourself.)

      But what if you don’t have a friend you can turn to? The idea of arranging a focus group—where you’re the subject of discussion—can seem hopelessly intimidating. What if your friends and colleagues consider it an imposition? (If they don’t want to do it, don’t worry; they’ll find an excuse to beg off.) And is it really such a good idea to invite a large group of people to get together and point out your weaknesses? What if you discover that someone you respect has a negative perception of you—that you’re irresponsible or unfocused, or a bad manager?

      The prospect of facing a harsh truth can be daunting. But remember: your friends and colleagues wouldn’t bother to participate if they didn’t care about you and value you. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and your posse is coming together because they want to help you become as successful as possible. Indeed, regardless of whether you hold a focus group, these are likely the people you’re going to need to rely on in your personal reinvention. Why not involve them in the process now and get their support? They’re your best hope of honest feedback about your strengths and weaknesses, how you’re currently perceived, and other intelligence that can save you time and energy in identifying your path forward. Even more importantly, they’re your allies—the ones you’ll turn to for mentoring, feedback, and (eventually) new business and referrals. It may seem like an imposition to reach out, but the truth is, it takes a village to reinvent yourself.

      Making It Work

      Instead of a focus group facility—they’re very fancy, usually located in nondescript office parks or skyscrapers, and have conference rooms with a mirrored wall so the client can observe everything from a darkened room—your living room will probably have to suffice. Make sure you have enough comfortable chairs and, just as in real focus groups, bribe people with dinner and/or copious, high-quality snacks. Order plenty. Real focus groups also generally pay participants $50–$100 for a few hours’ work, but your friends are doing it as a favor to you. (However, if you’re able, it’s still a classy gesture to give a small token of your appreciation, like a gift card for coffee or a bookstore.)

      Because these folks are participating in your focus group out of the goodness of their hearts, don’t abuse it. Keep the length to ninety minutes and be strict about timing. Allow thirty minutes up front as a cushion for late arrivals, and for people to mingle and snack. Then you’ve got sixty minutes to probe the questions you most want answers to—how you’re perceived, your strengths and weaknesses, what kind of jobs or environments people can most see you in, and so on. Two roles are critical here: the facilitator and the scribe. If you’re a terrific moderator—you can keep meetings going efficiently, shut ramblers up politely, probe interesting statements—then go for it. But for most people, it’s tricky to handle, especially when the subject is you. Instead, tap a friend or coworker you think excels in this area (whose meetings do you actually enjoy going to?), and see if they’d be willing to help.

      A good role for you if you’re not facilitating is to be the scribe. Sit silently in the back, don’t interrupt, and just take notes on what people are saying. Write down anything that seems interesting or important (it’s also a good idea, with permission, to record the session so you can play it back and review it in the future). You may want to interrupt or argue, depending on what’s said, but your job is to stay quiet. Instead, work out an arrangement in advance with the moderator so you can slip him notes with questions and he can follow up on any key points.

      You may also want to build in five minutes at the end of the session and request that attendees write down a short summary of their perceptions (three words that describe you, the most important skill you should work on developing, and so on). Some participants, despite your entreaties, may be too shy to verbalize their thoughts, so this is a good way to ensure you’ve captured their insights.

      Arranging your own focus group takes work, and it’s not for everyone. But it can yield interesting insights rapidly and get allies on your side as you prepare to rebrand.

      Try This

       Make a list of the fifteen people you’re going to invite to your focus group.

       What are the most important questions you want to ask? (Aim for four to six.)

       Who’s your moderator?

      Mary’s Focus Group

      Mary Skelton Roberts had built an international career as a conflict resolution СКАЧАТЬ