Sister Lilian’s Pregnancy & Birth Companion. Lilian Paramor

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ to increased emotionality.

      We have alienated ourselves from the deeper processes at work during pregnancy. Do not be tempted to be the calculating, efficient career woman right up to the end of pregnancy. You are a partner in creation, and what is a physical creation without a soul? It is healthy to dwell on the meaning of mothering, the nature of nurturing and the impact you and your baby will have on each other and your world. We are not just islands in an anonymous ocean for the duration of our life, only to shrivel up and die. Society does its best to divert us from a path of emotional discovery. I want to urge you to keep delving, as it greatly enriches human experience. What more precious gift can we give our babies than this?

      QUALITIES TO CULTIVATE FOR SUCCESSFUL PARENTING

      Whatever your reasons for deciding to have a baby, the realities of parenting often prove to be quite a shock. What qualities do you need to cultivate in order to be a successful parent?

      Birth preparation classes seldom inform parents of the all-important role the ability to relax (under any and all circumstances) plays. Prospective parents need to take time off from the adrenaline rush of modern adult life. Tuning in to a slower pace of life in pregnancy and your child’s earlier years is probably the quality that will leave you saying, ‘I enjoyed that time.’ How seldom parents say that!

      Cultivate an awareness of your inner child. Men are usually better at this than women. Rediscover the magic of life seen through a child’s eyes and don’t fall easily into the trap of forgetting a child’s perspective.

      Do not be too hurried. Your baby will register less stress, and so will you.

      Most parents have no difficulty finding a bottomless supply of love for their little ones, although they don’t always like them or what they do! This is quite normal.

      Do not fall into the trap, though, of rating the physical needs of your children higher than the emotional ones.

      If love is easily come by, that is less true of patience. It sometimes helps to remember that children and adults have very different perspectives on life. Their priorities are very different from your own. The idea is not to see whose spirit is broken first but to find ways of living together amicably.

      It is especially with our first children that we are constantly part of an experiment – everything that comes your way is done for the first time, even it if it is your 25-year-old asking for advice on romance. Be lenient with yourself, while ensuring that your actions are not to your baby or child’s detriment.

      I believe that a little inefficiency is imperative for good parenting. Your child is not a tangible task to be dealt with efficiently, as you would a task at work. Many of us have children later in life and are used to organising our careers and households with predictable competence. We try to carry this over to our parenting. Don’t! It won’t succeed.

      Preparing for the next baby

      Just as there is no ‘best age’ to have a baby, there is no ‘correct’ age gap between children. With any gap of more than four years, it is almost like raising two single children. Just as you are done with the small baby work, you start all over again. Two babies closer together than two years is quite hard work for a mom, but with a supportive partner or structure around the home, it can be managed. Obviously, individual circumstances affect the equation. If either baby has any problems (health or behavioural), the strain of having children close in age could be greater.

      It is very common to feel anxious about whether or not you will find enough love for a second child, when you love that first one so deeply. Will you have the energy and emotional ability to care as well for a second baby? Love for children multiplies, it does not divide. Do not be concerned about that. It is generally also easier to raise two children than one, as they entertain each other and can share at a level that you would otherwise be pressurised to fulfil. In the long run, there is also less loneliness. Children learn about sharing, conflict resolution and the need to respect others when there is more than one sibling.

      The first six months after the birth of a second baby are usually quite busy, but after that the going gets easier. There is almost always a little regression in the older child and a bit of sibling rivalry. Handled with patience, the involvement of the older child, not putting pressure on the older one to be ‘big’ and realising that it is different to the first time when you could give Baby your undivided attention, you will cope with this phase.

      WEANING YOUR FIRST BABY

      Physiologically babies are designed to drink from their moms for two to three years which partly explains why Baby loves nursing so much. The closeness and comfort, as well as the instinctively healthy nature of babies, make it quite difficult to wean them, especially if they have nursed for a prolonged period. You have done your child a lifelong favour by breastfeeding for this extended period. Congratulations!

      If you are still feeding your first child when you fall pregnant again, you will find that your milk will become less and change taste. This often makes babies more amenable to weaning. However, if you want to stop completely before falling pregnant, you will have most success by simply going cold turkey and refusing all feeds. Give a lot of extra love and attention and distract Baby when you see the desire for a feed arising. You can also refuse some of the feeds. This whole process will take courage, but you have done your bit; thus you need not feel bad if you choose to wean now. You can, of course, breastfeed right through pregnancy unless there is a threat of miscarriage and many women end up ‘tandem-feeding’ a baby and a toddler. Whatever you decide, make sure it is the right decision for you. Babies reflect their mom’s frame of mind. If you are confident and relaxed, Baby will pick that up.

      PREPARING YOUR TODDLER FOR THE ARRIVAL OF A NEW BABY

      It is a good idea to start preparing a toddler for the arrival of a new baby as soon as pregnancy is obvious. It might not be a concept they can grasp fully and nine months is a long time for them to wait for the ‘playmate’ they have been promised. In the early stages, they are more likely just to have a sense that something is different and may not understand that a baby brother or sister is on the way. Look at pictures of babies, point out animals and their young, page through books that show pictures of moms and babies.

      Let your toddler feel when Baby starts kicking, show her your tummy and tell your first child that Baby is getting bigger and in a while will be big enough to come out. Repeat this over the next few months. A toddler takes a while to grasp this complicated event. Towards the end of your pregnancy, tell your toddler that you will be in the hospital for a few days. Explain who will do the looking after. If it’s going to be Dad, now is a good time to let them have time alone together so that your toddler gets used to the idea. If you have friends with a baby, take your child to visit or baby-sit for an hour. Talk about what will happen when Baby arrives home. Parents often make the mistake of telling toddlers that they are getting a brother or sister to play with. The disappointment is great when Baby arrives home and all he does is sleep, cry or just lie there.

      Bringing a new sibling home is one of the biggest stressors in the life of a child. Try to make sure that there are no other big adjustments at this time. When Baby is born, make sure Baby gives your toddler a gift. When you arrive home, let someone else take Baby for a while and concentrate on your toddler. Your toddler may be a little subdued to start with and annoyed that you have not been at home, but be patient. Try to involve your older child with Baby if the desire is there. Your toddler may ask to hold or touch Baby. Encourage this with close supervision. On the other hand, there may be a lack of interest for a while. If so, don’t push it. Time is СКАЧАТЬ