The Classic Humor MEGAPACK ®. Эдгар Аллан По

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СКАЧАТЬ wish to pay my addresses to your niece,” he protested, but the two ladies, finding rudeness necessary, clasped their hands to their ears.

      “Kindly eat,” said Aunt Sarah, without removing her hands.

      He sat down and glared at the food in despair. He thought he heard Adnah’s voice and the sounds of a scuffle in the house, and it gave him inspiration. He arose, and, leaning his hands on the edge of the table, shouted as loudly as he could:

      “I am John Melton, of Philadelphia. I will give you as many references as you like. I wish your permission to write to your niece and, later on, to call upon her. May I do so?”

      “Are you going to eat your supper?” inquired Aunt Sarah.

      He gave up. He could not, as a gentleman, take Aunt Sarah’s hands from her ears and make her listen to what he had to say. He turned sadly away from the table. The armed escort also arose.

      “Please lead the way,” requested Aunt Sarah. “The path leads directly from the front of the cottage to the road.”

      He had stalked, in dismal silence, almost half way down the winding avenue of trees, moodily watching the gigantic shadows of his limbs leaping jerkily among the shrubbery, when it occurred to him that the women could scarcely carry the lantern and pistols and still hold their ears.

      “I am John Melton, of Philadelphia,” he shouted, and looked back to address them more directly. Alas, the pistols reposed in the pockets of the two prim aprons, the lantern smoked askew at Aunt Sarah’s waist, and both women were holding their hands to their ears!

      He could not know that they had been whispering about him, however, and really, for man-haters, their remarks had been very complimentary. Not even that ridiculous costume could hide his athletic figure, his good carriage and pleasant address.

      They were nearing the road when they heard a woman’s voice shrieking for them to wait, and presently Aunt Matilda came running after them, breathless and excited.

      “You must come back to the house at once, all of you,” she panted. “Adnah is wildly hysterical. She insists that she must have this young man, monster or no monster—that she will die without him. I truly believe that she would!”

      “Nonsense!” exclaimed Aunt Sarah. “Come on, then!”

      It was Aunt Sarah who swiftly and anxiously led the way. At the door of the parlor she paused and confronted the young man.

      “Remember,” she warned, “that however impulsive our poor, misguided niece may appear, you must not kiss her!”

      Without waiting for reply she opened the door for him. Adnah, smiling happily through the last of her tears, sprang to meet him, and, seizing his hand, drew him down on the couch beside her.

      “I’m going to keep you here always, now,” she declared with pretty authority, as she locked her arm in his and interlaced their fingers.

      He looked around at the aunts and suddenly longed for his own clothes. They had drawn their chairs in a close semi-circle about the couch and were helplessly staring. He felt the hot blood burning in his cheeks, on his temples, down the back of his neck.

      “You will stay, won’t you?” Adnah anxiously asked him.

      “I think I shall take you with me, instead,” he replied, smiling down at her in an attempt to conquer his embarrassment.

      Adnah rapturously sighed. The spectators suddenly arose, retiring to the far corner of the room, where they held an excited, whispered consultation. Presently they came back and sat down in the same solemn half-circle. Aunt Sarah ceremoniously cleared her throat.

      “You will please to unclasp your hands and sit farther apart,” she directed. This obeyed, she proceeded: “Now, Mr. Nelson—”

      “Melton, if you please,” corrected the young man, producing a business card that he had rescued.

      “Oh!” exclaimed the aunts, exchanging wondering glances.

      “We understood that it was Nelson,” murmured Aunt Matilda. It seemed that the hands had not been so tightly clasped over the ears as he had thought.

      Aunt Sarah gravely adjusted her glasses.

      “’John Melton, Jr.,’” she read. “’Representing Melton and Melton, Administrators and Real Estate Dealers. General John A. Melton. John Melton, Jr.’”

      There was a suppressed flutter of excitement and again the three aunts exchanged surprised glances.

      “I think I may safely say, may I not, Sisters Ann and Matilda, that this quite alters the case?” was Aunt Sarah’s strange query.

      “Quite so, indeed,” agreed Aunt Matilda, complacently smoothing her apron.

      “Very much so,” added Aunt Ann.

      “Decidedly,” resumed Aunt Sarah. “Your father, young man, handled the estate of our deceased Uncle Peter in a most upright and satisfactory fashion—for a man. So far, much is in your favor, since our unfortunate niece will not be contented without some sort of a husband. Your personal qualifications have yet to be proved, however. We presume that you can offer documentary evidence as to your own worth, sir?”

      “Not for a day or so, unfortunately,” confessed the young man. “The dogs destroyed all my papers. The only thing I could find was a portion of a brief note from my mother.”

      The three aunts, as by one electric impulse, bent forward with shining eyes.

      “From your mother!” hungrily repeated Aunt Sarah. “Let us see it, if you will, please.”

      He produced it reluctantly. It was not exactly the sort of letter a young man cares to parade.

      “’My beloved son,’” Aunt Sarah read aloud, pausing to bestow a softened glance upon him. “’I can not wait for your return to say how proud I am of you. Your noble and generous action in regard to the aged widow Crane’s property has just come to my ears, through a laughing complaint of your father about your unbusinesslike methods in dealing with those who have been unfortunate. In spite of his whimsically expressed disapproval, he feels that you are an honor to him. Your sister Nellie cried in her pride and love of you when she heard—’”

      The rest of the letter had been lost, but this was enough.

      Adnah had gradually hitched closer to him, and now her hand, unreproved, stole affectionately to his shoulder. Aunt Matilda was wiping her eyes. Aunt Ann openly sniffled. Aunt Sarah cleared her throat most violently.

      “Your references are all that we could wish, young man,” she presently admitted in a businesslike tone. “We shall waive, in your favor, our objections to men in general. If we must have one in the family we are to be congratulated upon having one whose mother is proud of him.”

      Coming from Aunt Sarah this was a marvelous concession. The young man bowed his head in pleased acknowledgment and, by and by, crossed his legs in comfort as a home-like feeling began to settle down upon him. Suddenly observing their bloomered exposure, however, he tried to poke his legs under the couch, and twiddled his thumbs instead.

      “And СКАЧАТЬ