The Rule of the Door and Other Fanciful Regulations. Lloyd Biggle jr.
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Название: The Rule of the Door and Other Fanciful Regulations

Автор: Lloyd Biggle jr.

Издательство: Ingram

Жанр: Научная фантастика

Серия:

isbn: 9781434448415

isbn:

СКАЧАТЬ happened, and that’s the end of it.”

      “Then our only problem will be adapting the Door to the specimen.”

      Skarn took a package of cigarettes, fumbled awkwardly with a cigarette lighter and got one lit. He puffed deeply and went into a paroxysm of coughing. Dork glared disdainfully, but Skarn ignored him. He found the taste abominable and the effect on his throat distressing, but the idea of blowing smoke from his mouth and nose fascinated him. He had seen a carpenter blow smoke rings, and he was determined to acquire that skill himself. He would acquire it, even if he had to transport a quantity of these odd objects back to the Royal University and spend the remainder of his life span practicing.

      “I don’t know that the Door will have to be adapted,” he said. “I only acknowledge that possibility. We must expose the Door to a large number of these creatures and study the reactions of the instruments. If the reactions are normal, we should be able to proceed. If not, perhaps suitable adjustments will occur to us.”

      Dork sneered. “And I suppose these creatures will willingly present themselves to us for study. We have only to issue an invitation and they will come and form a line at the Door.”

      “Something like that,” Skarn agreed. “We merely announce an odd ceremony which these natives call ‘open house.’ It seems to be a well-established custom. I understand that a great many natives will respond eagerly.”

      “I suppose there’s no harm in trying it,” Dork said grudgingly.

      The entire population of Centertown and the surrounding countryside turned out for Jonathan Skarn’s open house. The wooded hill was packed with cars, the highway was lined with parked cars, and the State Police had to call in reinforcements to keep traffic moving.

      Jonathan Skarn, eccentric old gentleman that he was, stationed himself in the front yard, greeted all the visitors warmly, and told them to go right in and make themselves at home. This they did, and after a rapacious assault on the heavily laden refreshment tables, they swarmed through the house.

      Though the occasion had to be termed an overwhelming social success, the guests, without exception, emerged disappointed. The door to the upstairs was kept locked. The utilities room and the lavatory were, after all, just a utilities room and a lavatory. And the living room, for all its unusual size and expensive furnishings, was not, as a bright high school student remarked, anything to write home about.

      Since the quaint Mr. Skarn remained outside, and since the servants were busily engaged in supplying the refreshment tables—without, however, neglecting to keep the upstairs door locked—the guests pried into all of the strange, empty closets, marveled at the thick doors, and congregated in large numbers around the center door that looked exactly like the others but refused to open.

      Upstairs in the laboratory, Dork disgustedly watched their antics in a viewer and kept a sharp eye on his humming instruments; and at the end of the day he announced to Skarn that they had collected sufficient data.

      The last of the guests had departed, the servants had restored a semblance of order and wearily headed homeward, and Skarn and Dork relaxed on hassocks in the laboratory and studied the information that drifted slowly across a wall screen.

      “These creatures are little more than animals,” Dork declared. “But then, that was precisely what I expected. Consider their hideous patches of hair, and their odors, and the fact that they occasionally kill one another, individually or collectively. They hate, they are dominated by greed and jealousy, and I’d say that they’re totally lacking in wisdom. Most of all, they lust. They sicken me—every one of them. I didn’t find a single worthy creature in the entire pack.”

      Skarn was attempting to smoke a cigar. His natural bluish tint had deepened to a violent purple, and he felt ill. He coughed out a cloud of smoke and regarded the cigar warily.

      “Then our task should be a simple one,” he remarked.

      “You,” Dork exclaimed, “are fully as disgusting as these natives! Must you do that?”

      “It is important that we understand the ways of these creatures,” Skarn said complacently.

      “Surely we can understand them without degrading ourselves!”

      Skarn deposited the cigar butt in an ashtray. A touch of a button and it disappeared. The apparent ingenuity of the device, and its basic crudeness, delighted him.

      “Whatever else these creatures may be,” he said, “they are not simple.” He reached for another cigar.

      “I tested the Door this morning with the servants,” Dork said.

      Skarn whirled about incredulously, dropping his cigar. “Without consulting me?”

      “It rejected them. I’ve noticed how they try to open it, now and then, perhaps thinking we may have left it unlocked. So, while they were arranging the food, I activated the Door. Both of them tried it”

      “Of course!” Skarn said scornfully. “Why do you think I had this house built? These creatures are intelligent. That means they are curious. There isn’t one of them, young or old, who wouldn’t attempt to open my mysterious Door if he had a chance. But I want this understood—I am in charge of this assignment. The Door is not to be activated except by my orders.”

      Dork’s eyes gleamed hatred, but he gestured indifferently. “How many glims do we sit around waiting for you to make up your mind?”

      “We must proceed cautiously. If the Door had accepted one servant with the other present—”

      “What does it matter? We can make our own departure as soon as we’ve found a specimen. We’ll leave nothing that would reveal our origin.”

      “No,” Skarn said. “We must not attract suspicion to ourselves. There must be no witnesses when the Door accepts a specimen. And after that we must wait a suitable period of time so that our departure will not be connected with the disappearance. These creatures may some day learn to transmit themselves. We must not leave an impression that they have enemies on other worlds. Those are stern orders from His Imperial Highness himself.”

      “So what do you propose to do?”

      Skarn unlocked his desk and removed an enormous stack of papers. He plunked it onto the floor, restacked it when it toppled over, and sat back regarding it wearily.

      “I located a peculiarly functioning organization called a detective agency. It is furnishing me with detailed reports on these creatures. We need only to study each report and ask ourselves, is this subject humble? Is he wise? Is he the head of a family? And so on. We shall select the few who seem best-qualified and invite them, one at a time, to be our guests. Their curiosity will impel them to try the Door. It will certainly accept one of them. After a suitable waiting period to divert suspicion from ourselves, we can dispose of this dwelling and leave.”

      “It is well arranged,” Dork conceded enviously. “But what a frightful bother just to capture a specimen for old Kegor!”

      The Door’s instruments—those Skarn and Dork were familiar with—reacted normally to the open house guests. Those with which they were not familiar reacted, but normally or not they could not say. They tested the transmitter relay, sending through a stray dog, a cat, and an assortment of live creatures that Skarn obtained from a neighboring farmer.

      The СКАЧАТЬ