We’re Pregnant and I Can’t Speak Japanese. William Hay

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СКАЧАТЬ just here to rob the bank.

       Oh, so that would be a withdrawal… Teller No. 5 or 6.

      Getting the teller at the counter to put their hands up is easy because it is a command, but when it comes to the demand that’s when real tension clouds the air.

       Give me the money or you’re dead!

      Now, the teller is thinking if I give this guy the money, how will the manager feel? But, if I don’t give him the money and he kills me, how will my parents feel and that’s not taking into consideration the cost and inconvenience of my funeral. It’s a big decision to make. Do I disappoint my employer or my parents? Admittedly, my parents raised me and I will always be indebted to them, but I’ll probably be with this bank for the rest of my working life. A disappointed employer is likely to transfer me to the northern tip of Hokkaido where the locals go to Siberia in the winter for the warmer weather. Obviously, this is not a decision that should be made on the spot even with a gun pointed at me.

      The teller responds with a lot of mmms and shallow breaths sucked through their teeth while tilting their head to the side, stalling tactics learned from birth. For the robber, the teller’s indecision triggers indecision in him. Does he really want to kill or even hurt the teller or anyone? He needs the money, but a shooting would upset everyone one in the bank and he doesn’t really want anyone to feel bad. Then what if there isn’t as much cash in the bank as he had calculated? He’ll have to rob a second bank and go through the same ordeal to make up the shortfall. In the end, both the teller and robber decide they need more time to decide, but they are not exactly sure how much time is enough time?

      For my wife, passing on the amnio test also has something to do with the fact that she is a big fan of this spiritual psychic who is supposedly able to contact your guardian angel and look into your past lives. I’m not exactly a believer in spiritual readers of one’s future, but I have to admit I don’t mind this guy because he makes plausible connections with people’s past lives to explain their present and future lives. Too often, I’ve heard Hollywood celebrities, who have taken the trip down the reincarnation lane, claim that they were kings, queens and maharajahs in their past lives. This guy tells the Japanese celebrities who appear on his show that they were cleaners, servants, even prostitutes, which is more believable considering there were and still are more servants, cleaners and prostitutes than royalty.

      His take on conception is that children actually choose to be born to their parents and decide the lives they will live. I don’t necessarily believe it, but on the outside chance it is true, I figure the little person who is rocketing from millimetres to centimetres chose us because it won’t have a love of good food – when they talk of good old, fashioned home cooking, they don’t mean my wife’s cooking – and it won’t have a flair for languages — I have enough trouble with my native tongue; English.

      For whatever reason: if there is a reason; if there is a choice; if a child is a gift from God (not that I have been to church for 40 years); or if it’s strictly an act of reproduction first shown to me as an eleven-year-old on a clattering Super 8 movie projector at a Father and Son evening, we have decided to let the pregnancy run its natural course. Whether the baby lives 100 minutes or 100 years, we will be blessed.

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