From the Dog's Mouth. Wavecrest Imprint

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СКАЧАТЬ people too. You’ll have a lot of fun looking at the world as a dog sees it because we canines laugh our rear ends off at how sordid and silly humans are. Make no mistake, there are a lot of you that we four-leggeds love to hang out with. You will read about a few of those too.

      Mon père thought that he was going to send me back to Iowa eight or ten times in the first three months I lived in his house. Wrong. It was me who put the idea in his noodle to send me back. But every time I got him to pick up the phone to call my original parents, I could sense his sadness. He really wanted us to work out. He just needed a lot of help. He needed to learn how the relationship could work. And that is what this relationship and this book is all about — how il mio papà learned to love something or someone without the fear of that person or thing walking out on him.

      Sit back and read what I have to say, and I hope you like the pictures. Unlike mon père’s professional photographs, mine are not air-brushed. No touch-up needed. By the time you read my truth and nothing but the truth version of my life with Dada, I will be all of three years-old and counting, so what you see is what you get.

      Oh, and by the way, if you send me a question about your dog, I’m happy to answer it. My email address is in the back of the book. Or Twitter me and I will get back to you. Guess who’s on Facebook? You have to know I have my own website.

      I look forward to connecting with those of you who want a dog’s point of view about what does and doesn’t work with your pet — and what does and doesn’t work with the rest of the world.

      Before I forget it, publishers take a zillion years to get these books onto your Kindle or whatever 29th century technology you use to read the latest and greatest tomes. As you hang onto my every word and salivate with all suggestions I proffer, here’s a non-threatening caveat: my book is not ancient history. It is the recent past. The value of looking back is to determine what lies ahead. And this you can sure. Mr. Darby’s world is so fresh, even when reflecting on yesterdays, that you will have a good time taking a peek at your world though the eyes of a four-legged Wire Fox Terrier and his better-than-he-used-to-be keeper.

      Don’t Judge A Dog

      From the dog’s mouth, here’s how things started out when I got to hotter-than-Hades Arizona.

      My keeper loves to tell one and all that I made a beeline for him when I got out of my crate at the Phoenix Airport. Who did he think I would run to? That loco señora from Tijuana? I hate refried beans and English is my first and second language.

      From the minute I was hugged and kissed by my keeper, I knew I was in for a long and torturous time with him. He was as needy as anyone I could imagine. But there was something about him that made the trip in the belly of the airplane worth it. I could tell he was all heart but with a need to control me. That would have to change.

      Thank the stars above that his business partner Scott and Scott’s then-girlfriend, now-wife Alison were with us. We went to some fancy shopping mall in Phoenix where I was on display, typical of what dog owners like to do with their pets.

      The minute we got to our casa on the golf course, my keeper had bought all the paraphernalia: my water bowl and my food bowl. He had toys and a fence, which instinct told me was a retraining device to keep me from messing on his white carpet.

      I went into his bedroom and saw a dog. After going back and forth trying to get this four-legged look-alike to play, I realized I was looking at myself in a mirror. Gosh, I had hoped for a canine buddy, but no such luck. All in all, I liked the joint but I knew that Dada and I were going to have a lot of adjusting to do.

      Anyway, you need a taste of my daily routine, and a view of the two-leggeds and four-leggeds who are now part of my life.

      The Extended Family

      Besides getting used to a new home, the layout and sniffing out the backyard, I was put in my crate a lot. Dada knew that dogs do not poo or pee in there but they will if they have free roam of the house. When I was free, I did it a lot.

      Finally getting me on a schedule was tough; Daddy needed a lot of help in this department from Scott. Scott is the real deal and an absolute in-tune kind of guy that we dogs love.

      The first week I was in Sedona, Scott, Alison, Daddy and I took a four-hour road trip to Tucson where Daddy was appearing at the Festival of Books on the overcrowded University of Arizona campus. Man, were there a lot of two-legged humans of all ages, shapes and sizes. While il principe was giving a lecture and autographing copies of his new book, Alison and Scott took me on a long walk. I was only 10 pounds, and all the gawkers were “oohing” and “aahing” over me. Every time I would take a leak they would clap like I had discovered a cure for cancer. But when I did a big poo all the lookers and smellers were gagging and I assure you there were no “oohs” and “aahs.” There were a few “god, how gross!”

      That night we went to a not-too-fancy hotel to sleep. Alison and Scott took me to their room because they knew how to treat a five-month-old pup. They had treats and water and food and a few toys for me (and them) to play with. Several times in the night they took me out to do my business. All the while his majesty was sound asleep in the next room.

      On the way home the next day I was in the back seat with my new Daddy but I wanted to curl up in Alison’s lap. I guess I ought to have been happy to get to know my new owner. If you think he’s intuitive, you might want to pay closer attention to me. You see, I’m good at guessing what’s going to happen before it happens, just like he is. (This is my way of letting you know that he and I had a war of words, deeds and actions up ahead.)

      Scott and Alison played a game going back to Sedona. They had adopted a new puppy that they were picking up at the Sedona Humane Society that Sunday afternoon, and they were trying to decide what to name him. Whoever guessed closest to the exact time we would get home could name the dog. Alison liked the name Chaz but Scott wanted to name the Red Heeler Australian Shepherd Riggs. Scott got the exact time to the minute so they named the ball of fur Riggs. Riggs has become my best four-legged friend. We play together at the office all week, although Daddy doesn’t work there. He prefers to see clients at our house.

      Riggs’ arrival at the Humane Society is a most harrowing story. A Native American construction worker from the reservation, or the Res, had Riggs and his sister in the back of his truck. In a box. No air holes. No water or food. The two four-week-old puppies were rolling around in their own feces. (That scene would have been enough to make my Dada throw up. He hates the mention of poo and has a hard time picking up mine. Then again, he brags that he has never changed a diaper, either). A tourist saw the pups, called the Humane Society and they seized the dogs and arrested their owner. Alison was a reporter for the local rag at the time and she wrote up their story. She was so taken with Riggs that she and Scott decided to adopt him. The Humane Society kept Riggs and his sister until they were six weeks old.

      There are some other important characters to whom you need an introduction. Dada and Scott have been good friends with a family named Bell. Gail is a real looker and she loves me to pieces. Sometimes I wish that mon père would send me to her house for some R&R. Her husband David seems to be a big piece of stuff in advertising. Rumor has it that he is a great cook but he never invited me to dinner. They have a Wire Fox Terrier girlie girl named Curtsey, whom I met a couple of years ago in New York. She is bossy, but a real babe and lucky to crawl onto so many laps of luxury.

      The Bells also have two two-legged children.

      Andrew is their son. Scott and Daddy call him The Kid. He’s tall, handsome and smart, a great tennis player and more fun than mon père. The СКАЧАТЬ