James Gong: The Big Hit. Paul Collins

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СКАЧАТЬ under my breath.

      Jay tut-tuts.

      Mr Show Off executes a stupid move called a parallel 540. He goes airborne, seems to hang in the air for a second, then imitates all the flying skill of a brick.

      SPLAT!! He’s flat out in la-la land. His mouth is clenched shut as though he’s been force-fed a school of mackerel. Only there aren’t any mackerel here at the vert. Which reminds me, I need to return It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too) to the library. Don’t ask me why I think of this right now. I just do.

      Jay and I look at each other. Wow.

      If I’d known God, the Universe, or Fate was listening to me at that exact moment, I would’ve wished for something truly worthwhile:

      (a) I could breathe fire. That would be cool! So long as I didn’t sneeze and accidentally snort fire and set Caitlin’s hair on fire. Now that would be so not cool.

      (b) Everything tasted like sherbet bombs. Except to my enemies. They can have everything tasting like Brussels sprouts.

      (c) If I had a suction cup face, I could attach it to windows and spy on people.

      (d) Make people do whatever I want – that would be so good. But then I would be like Voldemort and do the imperious curse on everyone. That would be so NOT good. I would also end up with a snake face and that would be way not good. I’d have the total opposite of a suction face.

      Okay, so having free wishes is harder than it sounds!

      Back to reality: Instead of seeing Mr Show Off for what he really is, Amber races to his side and cradles his head in her lap. Of course, Amber wants to be a doctor, so it might just be a save-all-lives-even-Mario’s thing. Maybe I should get beaten up at taekwondo . . . Tosser would oblige. But I hear he’s taking up ballet. (Okay, that’s a fib.)

      Jay reads my face, or my mind, and snorts. ‘You think Amber will be all over you if you get beaten up at taekwondo?’

      ‘No!’ I say. ‘Do I look that stupid?’

      Before Jay can say anything I stomp off, heading home. Jay points out that I’m going the wrong way.

      ‘I knew that!’ I snap, wheeling about and heading in the other direction.

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