Living Upside Down. John Hickman

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      “Why did he marry her? I didn’t think he liked Germans. He must have killed thousands of them during the war.” Audrey states in an icy, condescending tone.

      “If you ask me,” intones Minnie, “the only good German is a dead German. I’ve never forgiven them for what they put us through. And what about all those poor Jewish people. It was a disgrace. She should be ashamed to be German.”

      “I do believe Dad’s intentions were good,” offers Roger, “as he wanted a Mum for June.”

      After he speaks, he realises with some surprise that he has actually defended his Dad when really he wanted to reproach the lying bastard for his back wages.

      “It could always be worse,” Roger offers with a sigh.

      “Worse! How?” Minnie asks.

      “Well, he could have married a Japanese,” Roger suggests with a brief smirk.

      Mostly Audrey ignores Roger. “How’d it go with Roger’s family?” she asks Sue. “I see that none of them are here.”

      “Oh, you know. Tears, the usual hysteria.”

      To Roger at that time his wife’s voice is as welcome as a fine summer breeze.

      Audrey glares.

      “Oh, not me,” Sue replies with a forced smile, “that’s Roger.”

      “I’d have liked to have seen June,” Roger adds, “but she’s only fourteen years old I couldn’t see her, without Dad and Zelda.”

      Audrey turns her attention to Roger. “Just because I look at you when you’re talking, Roger, don’t think I’m interested in what you have to say.”

      “Oh, this just keeps getting better and better,” mutters Philip under his breath.

      A long moment passes.

      Sue looks on in embarrassed amazement.

      “If Zelda was here might she speak German?” Philip asks Roger with an impish smile.

      “Probably, but only complicated German stuff,” Roger smiles back. “Like mein linker blinker ist kaputt.”

      Philip’s face is alight with interest. “What’s that mean?”

      “My left blinker’s not working,” Roger replies dead pan.

      Auntie Audrey is looking at Roger as if he is wearing a live fish on his head.

      Well meaning though their intentions doubtless are, our emigrants could have done without any of them. Having to make polite conversation, while trying to overcome their apprehension and concerns about what lay ahead.

      Roger draws close to Sue, “I suppose emigrating is a bit like getting married,” he whispers to her, “part of us would prefer to slip quietly away.”

      All around them similar scenes to theirs are playing out. It is as though everyone leaving Heathrow that day is emigrating.

      “Had you been departing Ireland rather than England,” Minnie’s face is full of despair, “a wake may have been more appropriate.”

      “Thanks for that,” Roger replies sensing more hostility. “Maybe this is reminiscent of the siege of Rorke’s Drift, Minnie. Just the overwhelming Zulu army didn’t have our resolve.”

      “You’re talking in riddles again, Roger,” huffs Minnie.

      “Where’s Rorke’s Drift?” asks Philip, “somewhere in Australia?”

      “Good question,” Kevin answers, “No! It’s somewhere in South Africa.”

      “Nothing at all to do with Australia, then,” confirms Minnie.

      “Nothing at all,” Roger responds sadly.

      “So,” Minnie swings her attention back to Roger. “I suppose this silly idea of going to Australia was your brainwave?” Minnie’s unblinking stare continues accusing him sternly as though he is a certifiable fool.

      Roger panics but sees an out. “No! Actually, Min. It was your daughter’s idea.”

      Minnie is thoughtful. “And when did you decide to go along with it, then?”

      “Honestly?”

      “Yes, of course.”

      Roger considers the situation carefully and then decides to go for it. Like a hot knife through butter. Take some of the starch out of the old biddy.

      “While I was sitting on the toilet taking my morning dump.”

      Minnie’s smile falters and drops in wattage. Recovering well she continues coldly. “What job will you do when you get to Australia, Roger?”

      Minnie states the word Australia as if it is a malignancy. Such is her attitude, it is nearly enough, to make Roger’s ears bleed.

      “I haven’t got a clue. About my only preference is to steer clear of catering and pubs if I can. If it all works out, we’ll be better off than here. Otherwise Sue might end up living in a cave, eating tofu and sucking on tree bark? Interesting thought.”

      Minnie ignores Roger’s response.

      Kevin is quick to assist. “Will you get a job in pest control, Roger?” he asks, “they have plenty of bigger pests Down Under.”

      Visions of Roger being chased by spiders so big he could hear their footsteps, and snakes of obscene proportions, terrifies Sue, “Oh, my God, Roger will we be inundated with flies at every turn, and carried away by the ants?”

      “Pests here are surely smaller and less dangerous,” Minnie states with some satisfaction.

      There is a prolonged uncomfortable silence.

      Roger feels about as comfortable as sitting on death row waiting to do the last dance with Mister Hangman.

      “Are you looking forward to the flight?” April asks sweetly.

      “I’d rather be going by train,” Sue replies nostalgically, “that clickety-clack sound can be quite soothing.”

      “Never mind, dear. I expect you’ll be eating the best of foods and off fancy china forever,” April continues. “It’s such a long way.”

      Too late it occurs to Sue that as the children will be seated for such a long time they should have organised some strenuous exercise before the flight to tire them.

      Realising it is too late to break away from the embarkation committee for a Herculean triathlon. That or instal Minnie with an ‘off’ button they prepare to depart.

      They sit and gather their wits for a few more moments. So far the morning had been one to forget as far as Roger was concerned. Sue is looking drawn.

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