The Life and Death of Rochester Sneath. Humphry Berkeley

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       J. A. Richardson

      Head Postmaster

      To the Master of Marlborough College

      March 15th, 1948

       Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex

      Dear Master,

      As you are probably aware this summer sees the 300th anniversary of the foundation of Selhurst. In view of our connection with Royalty and the fact that at the beginning we numbered among our pupils the nephew of a Balkan Monarch, I am most anxious to have the honour of entertaining Their Majesties if this is at all feasible.

      Perhaps you would be kind enough to let me know how you managed to engineer a visit recently from the King and Queen. Perhaps you would also give me any tips which you may have learned from your visit as to how Royalty should be treated since Selhurst would certainly wish the scale of its hospitality to be second to none.

      With kind regards and all good wishes.

      Yours sincerely,

       H. Rochester Sneath

      Headmaster

      March 19th, 1948

       The College, Marlborough, Wilts

      Dear Mr Sneath,

      I have your letter of March 15th. I did nothing whatever to engineer the recent Royal visit, I merely received a communication from the King’s Private Secretary saying that the King and Queen could visit the school on March 12th if that day would be convenient.

      No doubt the fact that the King’s Private Secretary, the Lord Chancellor and the Archbishop of Canterbury are all Old Marlburians had something to do with the matter.

      I simply made arrangements for the day when I knew that the King and Queen would come.

      I am in no position to help you in your request.

      Yours truly,

       F. M. Heywood

      Master

      March 26th, 1948

       Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex

      Dear Heywood,

      I am writing you this letter in the strictest confidence. I understand from a Mr Robert Agincourt who was Senior French Master at Selhurst, for one term two years ago, that he is applying for a post on the staff of Marlborough College.

      He has asked me if I could give him a testimonial to present to you and I told him that by no stretching of veracity was I able to do this. You will understand that nothing that I have to say about Mr Agincourt is actuated by any personal malice but I feel it my duty to inform you of the impression that he gave while he was at Selhurst.

      During his brief stay no less than five boys were removed from the school as a result of his influence, and three of the Matrons had nervous breakdowns. The pictures on the walls of his rooms made a visiting Bishop shudder and would certainly rule out another Royal visit. His practices were described by the Chairman of the County Hospital as ‘Hunnish’. The prominent wart on his nose was wittily described as ‘the blot on the twentieth century’ by a visiting conjuror.

      As you can not fail to have noticed, his personal appearance is against him, and, after one memorable Carol Service, a titled Lady who was sitting next to him collapsed in a heap. He was once observed climbing a tree in the School Grounds naked at night and on another occasion he threw a flower pot at the wife of the Chairman of the Board of Governors.

      Should you wish any further information, I should be glad to furnish it for I could not wish another Headmaster to undergo the purgatory that I suffered that term.

      I am staying for some days with my sister Mrs Harvey-Kelly at Castle Brae, Chesterton, Cambridge and I would be grateful if you would reply to this address.

      Yours sincerely,

       H. Rochester Sneath

      Headmaster

      March 28th, 1948

       The College, Marlborough, Wilts

      Dear Mr Sneath,

      The man whom you have mentioned has not made any approach to me and I require no further information about him.

      Yours truly,

       F. M. Heywood

      Master

      April 2nd, 1948

       Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex

      My dear Heywood,

      I am sorry to trouble you yet again but I thought it right to inform you that Mr Agincourt has abandoned the idea of an academic career and has now become a waiter in a Greek restaurant in Soho.

      Incidentally, I dined with the Lord Chancellor last night and he spoke of you to me in the highest possible terms.

      There are just two things that you can do for me. In the first place I am anxious to engage a private detective and would be grateful if you could give me the name of the man you normally use. Could you also recommend a competent nursery maid?

      With kind regards.

      Yours ever,

       H. Rochester Sneath

      Headmaster

      April 4th, 1948

       The College, Marlborough, Wilts

      Dear Mr Sneath,

      I cannot imagine why you should suppose that I employ a private detective, and I am not an agency for domestic servants. I really must ask you not to bother me with this kind of thing.

      Yours truly,

       F. M. Heywood

      Master

      To Mr George Bernard Shaw

       Selhurst School, Near Petworth, Sussex

      Dear Mr Bernard Shaw,

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