Your Journey to Success: How to Accept the Answers You Discover Along the Way. Kenny Weiss

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      Being trapped in the Worst Day Cycle can be suffocating. It’s time to fight to get our authentic self and power back. The first step is to admit the event(s) that initially got us into this cycle. For some of us this can be challenging, as we don’t recall what happened; for others it can be painful as we can’t forget what happened. Ask yourself the following questions to find out if you are stuck in the Worst Day Cycle:

      •Do you find yourself blaming others?

      •Are you repeatedly the victim?

      •Do you feel guilty when you say no to someone?

      •Do you feel like things have to be perfect?

      •Do you have to be right most of the time?

      •Do you offer advice when not asked, especially to your adult children?

      •Do you feel guilty pursuing your own life and not being there for your parents?

      •Do you have difficulty sitting still? Do you always have to be doing something?

      •Do you have chronic health issues?

      •Are you performing below what you are capable of?

      •Are you stuck in a job or relationship that isn’t working?

      If you responded yes, it’s a clear sign that you have unresolved trauma issues and are stuck in the Worst Day Cycle.

      Just What Is Trauma and How Common Is It?

      The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) describes individual trauma as resulting from “an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening and that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional or spiritual well-being.” In the 2011 publication Helping Children and Youth Who Have Experienced Traumatic Events, SAMHSA states:

      •60 percent of adults report experiencing abuse or other difficult family circumstances during childhood.

      •27 percent of children in the United States will witness or experience a traumatic event before they turn age four.

      •Four of every ten children in America say they experienced a physical assault during the past year, with one in ten receiving an assault-related injury.

      •More than 60 percent of youth aged seventeen and younger have been exposed to crime, violence, and abuse either directly or indirectly.

      Both big and small traumas can result in posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Research shows that traumatic experiences affect our behavioral health, too. You don’t have to be diagnosed with PTSD to experience fallout from trauma. According to SAMHSA, people who have experienced trauma are fifteen times more likely to attempt suicide, four times more likely to become an alcoholic, four times more likely to inject drugs, three times more likely to experience depression, and two times more likely to have a serious financial problem.

      Addressing Trauma Takes Courage

      Without a doubt, it takes courage to address our trauma. When we were first traumatized, we were the victim. The trauma happened to us—we weren’t responsible for it. In my experience, there are two ways people deal with and deny their trauma.

      1.We appear to be successful and strong when we are generally the weakest and hurt. The typical type-A personality is always on the go and use fear, anger, and shame as a propellant. But just like the rocket boosters on the space shuttle, it is a finite power source and it eventually explodes. This go-getter can be tougher to treat because they usually have accumulated “things,” such as wealth and status. They use those outward signs of success as proof they must be okay. They keep themselves incredibly busy so they never have to feel. Like Forrest Gump, they are continually running. And because they never stop, they never have to address what they are running from or even fully realize that they are running. They can always point back to their degrees, title, or portfolios and say, “This doesn’t apply to me. Look how successful I am; I haven’t experienced trauma; I’m not in denial.”

      2.The ACE Study shows that almost all injury, disease, and illness is the by-product of unhealed feelings and emotions related to adverse childhood experiences. People have learned to get their power back by becoming sick or a victim. They continually are in situations where it seems everyone and everything is against them. The good news is that because this route of dealing with trauma is so feeling-oriented, they tend to have an easier time facing their denial. That is in part because they primarily suffered abandonment as children, so they are more open and desperate for connection.

      In general, most people deal with or deny their trauma in both these ways, at least in part. Neither way is better or worse than the other. Using one approach, we try to overcome our Worst Day Cycle from the one-up or better-than position; using the other method, we try to escape from the one-down or less-than position.

      The Many Faces of Trauma

      Trauma can be so subtle. There are certain feelings that come up in its aftermath that keep us choosing trauma whether we know it or not. These include rejection, inadequacy, powerlessness, and feelings associated with shame. We choose these feelings СКАЧАТЬ