A Massive Swelling: Celebrity Re-Examined As a Grotesque, Crippling Disease and Other Cultural Revelations. Cintra Wilson

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СКАЧАТЬ in her later career, you could just see all of the raw terror and ambition starving through her big raccoon eyes. She looked like “a hungry insect magnified a million times – a praying mantis that had forgotten how to pray.” Celine is even creepier than Crawford, somehow; Joan Crawford at least looked kind of terrified and in pain by the contortions of fame she imposed on herself. Celine Dion is apparently calcified into a form of orthodox masochism so devout that she finally had to marry the frightening Svengali that was chain-whipping her into über-celebritude all these years, and she smiles the placid, tranquil smile of a woman whose every soft inch has some spiky metal clamp teething down on it; a woman like the protagonist of The Story of O, who at the end of the book, is so totally, unbearably uncomfortable, that she can finally sort of relax.

      Since Celine is the new Streisand, she will at some point have to channel all of her massive selfness into film heroism; perhaps after her mini-retirement, after she's birthed something and found actual motherhood wanting in terms of attention paid to her. HBO will have her do some kind of incredibly moving portrait as the brave Mom of the fatally ill adorable child whom nobody understands. She’ll have to clutch the blanket over the child’s head while shouting into the schoolyard, “Can’t you see he’s hungry for knowledge?!” And everyone will think she’s an incredible actress because she can make her big glassy squirrel eyes shed liquid on cue. It will be a big, big, deal for everyone when she and the kindly doctor Make Love, and her exhaustively squeezed hair falls down and everyone gets a real good look at her naked, whippet-like spine. It will be a thrill that rivals when we finally saw Streisand’s boobies in Yentl. Naturally, she’ll have to sing a little. Maybe she can sing a Celine Dion song at a karaoke bar, which would be some kind of unforeseen postmodern coup of I’m not sure what proportions.

      When she accepts the Emmy award, her aged unsmiling dungeonmaster of a husband will be remote-controlling her arm movements from the audience with a small steering wheel. When she gets back home to Canada, he’ll reward her by letting her jump for a nice three-pack of fresh nylons. Then she’ll retreat to her little haystack in the parking lot for her five-hour rest. I can see her later, on Xmas, her favorite holiday, at the golf course she bought for her Master, secretly running away, away from the family and friends and snowmobiles, to go to a secluded section of her expansive estate among the trees, to shriek and growl and bare her razor-sharp teeth and ravenously eat bark and rub up against things. Once a year she is free as a chinchilla, away from all the horrible responsibilities of being ubiquitous, of being Mommy. Then her husband’s henchmen will find her and drag her on luggage hooks behind the sled, back to the recording studio. And she will be glad – so, so, glad.

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