Creating Happiness Intentionally. Sandy MacGregor

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      The use of this matrix can also be helpful when you are trying to resolve conflicts in relationships. Take the case of a marriage. At the start of the marriage the two partners were caught up in the wild excitement of their love for each other and the force of this emotion carried all before it. As the years go by the binding force of the love can come under pressure where, deep down, each partner is actually motivated towards a different goal in life. One may want security and the other may want excitement. Neither of them may have ever really recognised this aspect of their own personality. It is a subconscious thing and their mind is subtly directing their actions towards their dominant goal. As it seems common to believe that “everyone else thinks the way I do”, each partner in the marriage assumes that what they want is automatically what the other wants also. What havoc this can produce where the goals are different! Taking time to identify differing goals in life can be important. The partners in this fictional marriage need not simply shrug their shoulders and dissolve the relationship because their goals are different. Rather, they can use the information to help resolve their conflict. Neither has to change, but the motivation of each person needs to be taken into account. The challenge for so many people in life is that they need to carry out this evaluation process consciously.

      The last thing I want to say about this matrix is the fact that your goals in life can change over time. Even if you are aware in one stage of your life, that you are motivated towards one thing, you should also be aware that as the years go by your motivation may change. Your priorities can alter. I’ll give you an example from my life.

      When I was just a young boy, probably 14 or 15, my parents went to the Tax Office to clear up some sort of a problem and to hand in their tax returns. On this particular day I happened to be with them. We took the lift in the city building to the third or fourth floor and, when the door opened, it opened directly into the reception area of a vast tax office. There were other people waiting around, sitting listlessly on the seats in the foyer. Across one full length of the foyer was a formidable reception counter with various clerks on one side talking with various tax payers on the other. Spread out on the counter between each couple were the gigantic sheets, almost the size of a tabloid newspaper, on which people filled out their tax details in those days.

      It wasn’t long before my parents’ turn came. They stepped up to the counter and started talking. I went with them and looked idly about but I was shocked by what I saw next when I looked over the counter. Before me was a vast open room occupying that entire level of the building. It was filled with row upon row of desks. And at the desks sat row upon row of government employees all working on these large taxation spreadsheets. Remember, this was in the days before computers. I knew it was secure to have a government job … but at what price did this security have to be bought? I couldn’t believe the mind numbing, boring and repetitive work experience I was watching. I was horrified.

      This experience was one of the things propelling me, at that stage in my life, to apply for entry to Duntroon, the Royal Military College. My main goal in my life then, was excitement. I imagined the glamour and excitement of being a student at Duntroon and how exciting life would be in the army as an officer, after that. When I entered Duntroon all I wanted was the exciting things, to throw grenades at the range, to fire rifles and machine guns, to ride in tanks and trucks, to repel from helicopters and do all the other things associated with army life.

      I achieved all those things and also experienced it all for real in the Vietnam War. Some years later, however, I found that the excitement and glamour that had motivated me so much as a young man were now further down on the list of my priorities. The reasons why a young boy had decided to go to Duntroon were no longer the reasons why a grown man approaching thirty, now holding a much higher rank, should want to stay in the army. Fortunately, at the time, I made the change I needed to make in my life. I transferred to the Army Reserve where I continued to serve my country and to be promoted. However, now the weight of my effort was directed to my civilian career in management. My position on the matrix would have been either to achieve a prosperous life or a secure life.

      Still later, another change was forced upon me. This was when my three daughters were murdered savagely and senselessly in Sydney in 1987. On the matrix we have been using this shift has brought me back more towards the things that motivated me when I was younger. Now, I would say that my position in the matrix is to lead an important life. It’s not so much the importance I want in the way of having status or being well known, it’s rather the fact of being able to do something important. To help other people face trauma and help them get through it. To contribute in a meaningful way to the successful lives of others and to see the results of my work in the friendships that I have formed. To mix with people who are also doing things.

      Having now opened your mind to these thoughts, this might be a good time to do Mind Exercise No.1 which involves active meditation. This exercise is entitled “What is Your Life’s Purpose?” The aim of doing this exercise at the start of this book is not to get you to decide on the definitive statement of what your life’s purpose may be, but rather to start the mind thinking about the issue. You don’t have to stick with this statement of purpose all the way through the book because you may have to amend it if you find that it is in conflict with your value system.

      We use the processes of active meditation throughout this book. You need to learn about Peaceful Place (PP), and then be introduced to meditation before you can actually do the first exercise. To this end, the next chapter is from my book ‘Switch on to Your Inner Strength’, followed by Mind Exercise No. 1.

      Chapter 3

      Building Your Peaceful Place

      It’s best to explain “Why Relaxation” and “What is Meditation” with a bit of science about the mind. Many psychologists talk about the mind having a conscious and a subconscious part. That’s OK I choose to say subconscious mind and conscious mind. It makes no difference. The circles below represent the mind. The shaded area shows the 12% which is the conscious mind and the clear circle is the remaining 88% of the subconscious mind. The following are stored in the subconscious mind:

      Habits and beliefs

      Memory

      Personality

      

Self image

      Between the conscious and subconscious minds is a ‘filter’ (dotted line) which is part of the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This Reticular Activating Filter either lets through or blocks out information that the subconscious mind receives. Once information gets past the Filter it’s in your subconscious mind, which is your long term memory. Science has estimated that 70 to 80 percent of what the conscious mind deals with does NOT make it into long term memory.

      When you are relaxed, this filter opens and allows information into your subconscious mind, and hence memory, more easily.

      The relaxed state is called ALPHA. It is one of four brainwave states that scientists have identified. The others are:

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