Dating Games: Rules of Engagement. Dr Cheri Moore

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СКАЧАТЬ Wedding Day

      Remember that the Wedding Day is not the marriage. It is a day filled with stress, planning and it’s the first 24 hours of a great deal of hard work played out to make the day wonderful and memorable. You plan the event and then its over. Lots of money, time headaches and a few hurt feelings because its an emotionally charged series of events. Remember it is not the marriage, it is a day. If you put half the amount of preparation into the marriage and you put into the planning of the event of a Wedding… Maybe there would be more successful marriages instead of so many beautiful weddings and miserable married couples on the way to divorce.

      The Family and the Past

      What is the person's family like? What significant events occurred in the person's past that would leave you doubtful of a successful marriage? Was the person a drug addict right before you met? Did the person quit drinking or doing drugs in order to be accepted by you? What does your observation of the family tell you about the person (consider you will be marrying into that family)? The answers to these questions are clues or information that you can use later when you decide whether or not you want to pursue the relationship for marriage any further.

      I am trying to emphasize the importance of knowing the environment that your potential spouse came from. Know something about the family. Know your mate's relationship with his or her family and immediate past. Having this information can help you plan on building a strong relationship before and after the marriage.

      I believe that there should be some understanding between the two families. Why is this important? The family that you grew up in has a great influence on the way you operate. Therefore, if you operate one way and your "friend" operates another then many days of misunderstanding and miscommunications are waiting for you. Understanding family dynamics helps to ensure that both of you operate in a similar manner.

      Personality Differences

      What type of person is your mate? Past all of the infatuation, what kind of person is your mate? What personality does he or she have? Knowing this can only come by getting to know your mate personally and intimately. It is very important to be aware of everything about your mate. Remember communication is the key. Be Honest about how you feel and speak your mind in an honest way.

      Who can find The Perfect Mate?

      It is easy to believe that you will marry the perfect spouse. You will marry that tall dark and handsome--and rich--man that will take all of your troubles away and you will live happily ever after. If you pursue that FANTASY then you are setting yourself up for a great marital failure.

      Humans are not perfect. Therefore, you will not find the perfect mate. Humans have flaws and you will have to learn to live with personality flaws and other perceived flaws. Perfection is relative anyway when we consider the level of perception we normally operate at. That is so far from true perfection that it is pitiful that people are judged in such a way. I have seen couples where the woman looks absolutely great and yet she and her husband do not get along.

      I am a believer of the philosophy of “do you fit”? Do you fit with the person and does the person fit with you. Let’s look at Adam and Eve. She was made for him. She fit is needs. They were a good fit together. They complimented each other in who they were for each other. So again there is no perfect person. There is no perfect mate so you should not look for him or her.

      Perfection is relative. Therefore you should try to find, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the right mate FOR YOU! I believe that it is all about how God “fit” you two together and most importantly: How He becomes the Golden Thread that knits you two as one.

      Conclusion

      Actively look for your mate. Don't expect him or her to drop out of the sky as a gift from God. Seek and you shall find. Present yourself attractively at all times. Always look your best and be yourself. Don't put up fronts because you may attract the wrong person. Seriously evaluate compatibility issues before you commit to a relationship. You may find that your friend is not compatible enough for a lifelong commitment.

      Make a decision of whether you want to pursue a serious relationship after you have gathered information about your potential spouse. The relationship may end at mere friendship or it may blossom into the desire to marriage. Know as much about the person before you commit so as to greatly improve your chances of having a prosperous marriage. Again, find your mate and don't just expect him or her to just show up at your door one day.

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