In The East. Maria Pia Oelker

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СКАЧАТЬ but I won't do it if it makes you suffer. Do not think that I am cruel, as I sometimes the words I say may make me look like that.”

      " I never believed it; I ... I don't know how I would live without him, but if it was necessary for his education ...”

      The king felt from her voice that she was trying to keep calm, but the tension was palpable.

      " I repeat: only if your answer is yes. Maybe in a while, when he too will be old enough not to miss your embrace too much.”

      The queen smiled.

      " After all " he concluded, I decided to spend more time here from now on. I am realizing that it is indeed a delightful place, much better than the city, and no one will be able to prevent me from leaving my state commitments in the hands of my ministers more and enjoying my son more. And my wife, of course.”

      " And your other children?

      " They've already had what was due to them and the oldest is seriously training to become king. Perhaps he hopes to replace me soon " the sovereign grins " but I don't think his time has come yet. He will not be a bad king; certainly not as forceful as me.”

      " What do they think of us?”

      " Anything.”

      " Do you mean that you never asked him if they wanted to meet his brother and maybe come and spend little time here? After all, they are only two boys.”

      " No. They have their life at the court, and they must not mix with you.”

      "But why?”

      "It's like that because that is my decision" the king cut her short.

      The queen did not give up: " Perhaps they would like to come here to hunt with you.”

      " No. It is out of the question, do not insist " and this time even the queen had to admit that his decision was final.

      She did not know the past life of the king in great detail, although, like everyone else, she knew that the first marriage had been a source of bitterness for him and his wife; married for political reasons, they had never been able to love each other. It was rumored that the queen had betrayed him for a long time with young nobles of the court, but then he too had had more than one mistress who had gladly consoled him with her graces. It was not unusual, and no one too surprised; the king did not have an easy disposition and the queen, well-informed sources always said, knew how to stand up to him, indeed, at times, she was sometimes even more stubborn and overbearing than him, and was ambitiously malicious.

      When she died, everyone had thought that the king would no longer risk marrying again, all the more so because the descendants were already assured, and he would still enjoy a few beautiful complacent ladies without too many burdens and unknowns.

      Instead…

      The queen well remembered those terrible and anxious days in which she had been asked to reflect on the proposal that came from the court and how her father, in truth, had not given her many alternatives in this regard.

      " It is either the king " had said " or the convent. Nobody will marry you anymore if you refuse the king, because he will take revenge on us, discrediting me and my family and because no noble of the kingdom would dare to aspire in the future to a woman the king had chosen for himself.”

      But she was not at all sorry to give her consent, because she had gotten to know him and thought his soul had the potential of being noble and generous, beyond appearances.

      For nine years now she had shared her life with him, but she had never had the audacity to ask him anything more about the previous queen and why he absolutely did not want his two older sons to know her and visit her at her castle.

      She had just caught a glimpse of them on their wedding day; obviously, they had been invited but kept to the side; they had seemed closed and hostile. Perhaps, only sad, and jealous like all the children who had witnessed frigid family relationships and who were forced to endure a stepmother.

      They were still small, four to five years old, but with their mind made up and not at all willing to smile and welcome her like a new mother.

      Moreover, the king had given neither them nor her the chance to try to build a more caring bond because the queen had been almost immediately isolated in her splendid prison and the two children had continued to live at the court with their tutors and military instructors, between servants and rulers who did not make them want for anything. But they were missing the affection of a father, physically always very present, but distant as far as everything else was concerned, and a mother to soften their grim existence.

      " Too bad " the queen murmured " I would have liked to welcome them almost like my own children.”

      "They are not," the king" replied acidly. “I myself have never been able to really love them.”

      " And yet you've always had them close, much more than our son and you say you love him.”

      " He is different ... You are different.”

      " Or maybe you're not the same when you're here and when you're at court; or perhaps release on them the old grudges of which they are only the victims.”

      " What do you know about it?”

      " Nothing, it's true, but you can't be unaware of what everyone was saying about the king and his queen.”

      The king instinctively raised his hand to strike her, but immediately, repenting, he held it back.

      "Excuse me," he whispered, "you're right, everyone knew and talked, more or less haphazardly. Do you want me to tell you once and for all the reason I hated the queen and now I can't love my children? Is that what you need in order to leave me alone?”

      The king's voice sounded a little forced and not at all different than usual, as if he were begging her to free him from a nightmare and, at the same time, asking her not to let him go back to his old ways of suffering.

      He was uncertain, poised between two opposed temptations.

      " No, I don't want to know if this causes you pain. But if you want me to tell you how I feel about it, if I'm allowed ...”

      " You know you are the only one who can do it.”

      " ... I believe that whatever happened, your children have nothing to do with it. They were entitled to your fatherly love and still are. And although many years have passed, perhaps it is still not too late to bring them closer to you. If you don't want me to get to know them or for them to frequent our son, do as you wish. It doesn't seem right though. As far as the rest it is your duty to fix it.”

      " Is this what you think?”

      " Yes.”

      " Even if you had to lose something?”

      " What on earth could I lose? The rights that I don't have and will never have? I don't care about that.”

      " All right. And our son?”

      " He would never be king anyway.”

      " I could make him king, by my decree.”

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