Designer Marriage. Ron J.D. Hutchcraft

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СКАЧАТЬ is the thermostat who sets the temperature. The woman is the thermometer who reflects the temperature set by the thermostat—the man. And the children are the seismographs who register every disturbance. My wife used to have a little saying up in the kitchen—“Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” The guys are going, “Uh-huh.”

      The fact is, though, that more than anybody else, dad sets the kind of climate in the home. If dad is stressed, the family’s stressed. If dad’s light-hearted, the family’s light-hearted. If dad’s unselfish, the family tends to be unselfish. If dad’s selfish, the family’s selfish. Fathers come home and they’re like, “Why is everybody acting like this?” Look in the mirror. You’re probably the reason why. It’s the way God set it up. He’s going to talk to the thermostat. He is directing this to the thermostat, but don’t think the wives are off the hook, because certainly the things that are said here apply to the woman as well. It is a two-way street.

      Three Broken Treasures

      There are three broken treasures here. First, there’s a broken trust. Secondly, there’s a broken relationship with God. Did you see what God is saying here? He’s saying, “I don’t want to hear from you till you get your marriage fixed.” Rough translation, but basically He’s saying, “This relationship is so important to Me. You’ve got to work on that one, come back with your sacrifices, and then get back to church. I’m looking for you to get this one fixed. I’m a witness between you. I was at that wedding. I heard what you promised.” Our culture may not take those vows very seriously, but God does. God’s listening; God’s checking up.

      I Peter 3:7 really reinforces this, “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you, the gracious gift of life.” Then this curious phrase, “…so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” If you want to make a list sometime of reasons your prayers go unanswered, as a married man, include the possibility that you are not showing proper respect to your wife. God says, “You’re not treating your wife right, your prayers won’t get answered till you do.” God really takes this seriously.

      You’ve got a broken trust in the promises that were made. You’ve got a broken relationship with God because the marriage isn’t right. Then there are the broken kids. This is a phenomenal statement! The Bible says, “In flesh hath the Lord made them one, in flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking Godly offspring” (Malachi 2:15). I’ve gotten so many calls in my life from parents who’ve said in so many words, “Can you fix my son? Can you fix my daughter? Can you help my son?” You know what my answer has been? “No. I can try to help your family” because so often the children are the seismographs. The greatest single thing that could happen to fix a son or daughter is for Mom and Dad to fix their relationship. More often than not, that child is reflecting a breakdown in the love from which they came.

      When our kids would catch my wife and me hugging and kissing, they’d complain with mock disgust and disguised pleasure, “Oh you and Mom are ‘smooching’.” Karen and I would be in the kitchen and Brad in his highchair. We thought he was taken care of with his Cheerios on the tray. All of a sudden we hear this pounding on the tray and we hear him laughing, and he’s clapping. He’s a little baby. I don’t usually kiss well to applause and laughter. This is embarrassing, but it’s like he’s sitting there going, “Go Mom! Go Dad!” You know? He likes it. Why? Because kids want to know that the love they came from is still going strong. It’s the single greatest source of their security.

      God says, “You want Godly offspring.” “Who doesn’t?” You say, “Man, we are living in such an awful world. It’s going to eat our kids alive. It’s so evil out there, how are we going to fight it?” God says, “Have a good marriage. You want Godly offspring, act like you’re one.” Interesting formula for great kids, isn’t it? It’s not a parenting tip. Turns out the parenting strategy is a marriage strategy. When the marriage isn’t working, you’ve got broken trust, you’ve got a broken relationship with God; you’ve got broken kids.

      So how does God tell us to fight against that? He gives us a very simple piece of advice that He repeats twice. When God repeats himself, pay special attention. He says this, “So guard yourself in your spirit” (Malachi 2:15). “So guard yourself in your spirit” (Malachi 2:16). The Designer of marriage says, “The way to keep from broken trust…from a relationship with God, broken because of distance and difficulty in your marriage…and broken kids, is to put a guard up. Put walls up to guard against the things that will eat away at a marriage. Identify where the attacks may come; to identify where a relationship is vulnerable to being eroded and defend against it.

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