The Rules of the Game. Neil Strauss

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СКАЧАТЬ first mission is to write answers to the following questions. Don’t worry about what anyone else will think of your answers. Your goal is to be as honest with yourself as possible.

1.	Write one or two sentences describing how you believe other people currently perceive you.

2.	Write one or two sentences describing how you’d like to be perceived by others.

3.	List three of your behaviors or characteristics you would like to change.

4.	List three new behaviors or characteristics you would like to adopt.

       MISSION 2: Read and Destroy

      Before moving on to your first field assignment, it’s necessary to eliminate any self-sabotaging beliefs that you may have about interacting with women. Your next task is to read the manifesto titled “The Chains That Bind,” included at the end of today’s assignments in the Day 1 Briefing.

       MISSION 3: Operation Small Talk

      Your first field assignment: Make small talk with five strangers today.

      It doesn’t matter whether they’re male or female, young or old, friendly or unfriendly. The stranger can be a businessman in the street, an old lady in the supermarket line, a hostess at a restaurant, or a homeless person.

      The goal is simply to start a conversation, with no intent other than filling in the silence with a question or pleasantry. The conversation doesn’t have to progress beyond a comment and a response.

      If idle chatter doesn’t come naturally to you, scan news headlines before you leave the house. Small-talk topics include:

       ^{Weather: “It’s beautiful out today. Too bad we’re stuck inside.”}

       ^{Sports: “Did you catch the ________ game last night? I couldn’t believe it.”}

       ^{Current events: “Did you hear that ________? What are they going to think of next?”}

       ^{Entertainment: “Have you seen the new ________ movie yet? I wonder if it’s any good.”}

      Remember: The answer doesn’t matter. Whether you receive a long story or a cursory grunt in response, you’ve completed the mission simply by opening your mouth and speaking to a stranger.

       DAY 1 BRIEFING

       THE CHAINS THAT BIND

      When it came to meeting women, my biggest enemy was me.

      I used to look at myself—five foot six, scrawny, bald, and big nosed—and think there was no way I could compete with all the tall, good-looking guys out there. I was so unhappy that I considered plastic surgery.

      But once I started approaching women in streets, bars, clubs, and cafés, I discovered that looks don’t matter nearly as much as I’d thought. As long as I was well groomed, all I needed in order to attract just about anyone I wanted was the right personality.

      Although it’s a dubious achievement to be named in the media as the best pickup artist in the world, one thing it taught me was that I didn’t need to change the way I looked. I was doing just fine. In fact, I usually had it easier than big, muscular, square-jawed male models because I was much less threatening and intimidating. I could come in under the radar. In the end, then, my problem wasn’t my looks, but my limiting beliefs about my looks.

      A limiting belief is something that you believe about yourself, other people, or the world—and although it isn’t actually true, the fact that you think it is holds you back from experience and success. Any time you tell yourself you “can’t” do something that’s within the realm of human possibility—that’s a limiting belief.

      Dispelling limiting beliefs is very easy: Just ask yourself, “Was there ever a time when . . .” and insert your limiting belief. For example, if you believe that you get uncomfortable around beautiful women, ask yourself, “Was there ever a time when I was comfortable around a beautiful woman?” Name just one time, and you’ve disproved your limiting belief.

      Nearly everyone is held back by some limiting belief, whether he’s conscious of it or not. So before I send you running around the streets talking to strangers, let’s clear the air and dispel a few of the most common limiting beliefs about dating.

      LIMITING BELIEF: If I talk to her, she’ll ignore me—or, even worse, say something mean that will embarrass me.

      REALITY: Here’s something that may surprise you: The harder it is for you to approach women, the less likely it is that you’ll be rudely rejected.

      Why is that? Because most people have been raised to be courteous and polite, unless they feel threatened—and a shy guy isn’t too likely to intimidate anyone. The worst thing that’s likely to happen is the woman will politely say she’s having a private conversation, or simply excuse herself to go to the bathroom. Playing negative what-if scenarios in your head is detrimental to your emotional health. Instead, get out of the house and start approaching women, and you’ll discover that most of the things you imagine going wrong will never happen.

      LIMITING BELIEF: People are looking at me, judging me, or making fun of me.

      REALITY: This is half right. People may notice you, but they’re not necessarily judging you—most of them are too busy worrying about what other people are thinking of them. Once you realize that most people are just like you—and that they’re actually seeking your approval—you’ll start to become socially fearless.

      Besides, most bystanders who see you approach a girl or a group assume that you know the people. So act like you do. Not only will it ease your worries about what everyone else is thinking, but it’ll also make your approach more effective.

      LIMITING BELIEF: Women aren’t attracted to nice guys. They like jerks.

      REALITY: This is one of the oldest myths about dating. And, fortunately, it’s inaccurate. The dating dichotomy isn’t actually between nice guys and mean guys, or good boys and bad boys. It’s between weak guys and strong guys. Women are drawn to men who demonstrate strength—not necessarily physical strength, but the ability to make them feel safe. So if you’re a nice guy, you can still be nice. But you must also be strong.

      However, make sure you know what nice means. Most guys who define themselves as “too nice” only behave nicely because they want everybody to like them and don’t want anyone to think badly of them. So, if this is you, get off your nice high horse. Don’t mistake being fearful and weak-minded for being nice.

      LIMITING BELIEF: I’m not good-looking, rich, or famous enough to be with a beautiful woman.

      REALITY: There are plenty of rock stars and multimillionaires who have the exact same problems with women that you do. I know because I’ve coached many of them. And, in the process, I learned that money, looks, and fame—while they certainly make things much easier—aren’t actually necessary. Fortunately СКАЧАТЬ