Buddha Da. Anne Donovan

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СКАЧАТЬ next day ah helped her wi the curtains and she spent a while puttin all her bits and pieces thegether. Paintin the the woodwork in the hall was a bitty an anticlimax efter the cornice – room looked nice though, the orange she’d chosen was dead warm. She’d a good sense a colour, Barbara. Some folk pick shades that you know are gonnae be a disaster but she was wanny they folk that could pick really strong colours that could of maybe been too OTT, but somehow just worked.

      When ah’d finished the door she came oot intae the close.

      ‘Wonderful. It’s perfect. Red front doors are really lucky you know. Ready for a cup of tea?’

      ‘Aye, ah’ll just get cleaned up first.’

      Sittin opposite her in the kitchen ah wondered whit tae dae. It was only hauf-three so ah couldnae expect tae be stayin for ma tea but it felt a bit flat tae just be gaun hame. Ah didnae want tae leave. Ah know whit John would of said if ah’d tried tae explain it tae him but it just wasnae like that. There was nothin gaun on; ah didnae fancy the wumman wan bit and ah got nae signals fae her either. It was just, there was some kind of a bond between us. And efter the week ah wanted it tae end wi us sittin doon and havin a meal thegether, no me just heidin aff like that.

      Then she said, ‘Jimmy, can I ask you one more favour? It might seem a bit strange.’

      ‘Ask away.’

      ‘It’s just that I feel the flat is now my home, thanks to your work, especially the living room, and I want to do a kind of clearing – you know, meditate there so it has really good energy. And I’d like you to come and meditate wih me. It would be really nice if we could do it together as you did all this beautiful work. If you have the time we could eat together afterwards, if I’m not keeping you back too much.

      ‘Ah’d like that, Barbara, really.’

      And though ah’d never ever have thought that was the favour she wanted tae ask me, it was the maist perfect thing that could of happened.

      We sat in the livin room facin the Buddha. She’d these foam blocks like you get at the Centre tae sit on and wee blankets, brightly coloured, the size a baby blankets, and we wrapped them roond wer knees. She’d lit caundles and was burnin some kinda herb thing. A didnae know whit it was then but ah know noo it’s sage and Native Americans use it tae purify things – it’s supposed tae take away all your negativity. Anyway, there we sat, the room aw clean and perfect, while the light was fadin ootside.

      Barbara started, ‘I call upon the Buddha, the bodhisattvas and all the good powers to witness our giving thanks for the blessings of life. I want to thank Jimmy for the wonderful work he has done in making my home a clean and good space to be. I thank him for the mindful way he has painted and the friendship he has shown. I thank life for bringing us together. And I ask that this home will be a safe and welcoming space for everyone who comes here.’ She paused for a moment. ‘D’you want to say anything, Jimmy?’

      Ah couldnae think of anythin so ah just says ‘naw’.

      She rung the wee bell and we closed wer eyes. Ah started followin ma breaths, countin inside as the lama’d taught me. And it was an easy wan this meditation, just seemed right. Efter whit seemed like a very short time ah heard her ringin the bell again and opened ma eyes. It was fully dark ootside noo, and for a few minutes ah watched the lights in the flats opposite, the trees bathed in weird blue light fae the streetlamps.

      Later, in the kitchen, Barbara was checkin the food while ah stood leanin on the counter, feelin light and relaxed.

      ‘Ah could nip oot for a wee bottle of wine if you like. Make it mair of a celebration.’

      ‘If you want some yourself, Jimmy. Don’t bother for me.’

      ‘Sure?’

      ‘I don’t drink alcohol.’

      ‘Oh, right.’

      ‘Don’t let me stop you.’

      ‘Naw it’s OK. It’s no really worth it – ah’d only have the wan if ah’m drivin. Can ah dae sumpn … set the table?’

      ‘Sure – place mats and napkins are in that drawer.’

      Ah opened the drawer, started takin oot stuff. Ah really wanted tae ask her aboot no drinkin though. The only folk ah knew that didnae drink were alkies, reformed wans.

      ‘Do you no like the taste or …?’

      She stirred sumpn, put the lid on it and sat down at the table.

      ‘I gave up a few years ago when I got more into the meditation. It seemed a bit strange to be getting clarity in one way and fuddling up my brain in another. I mean I wasn’t a heavy drinker, just a few glasses of wine with a meal kind of thing, but it definitely interfered, made me a bit hazy.’

      ‘Was it hard?’

      ‘Not really, occasionally I missed it at the start, maybe at a party or something, or if I’d had a hard day but I just found other ways of unwinding … like the yoga.’

      ‘Right. Ah’ve never really gied anythin up masel … Liz gave up smokin years ago and that was hellish for her, and for the resty us and all, she was that moany-faced, but ah’ve never smoked, so ah don’t know whit it’s like.’

      ‘I stopped smoking ten years ago. It is harder than stopping drink certainly. Smoking is more of an addiction.’

      ‘So, ah mean, the Buddhism … is that how you gie things up … ah mean, is that part of it? Ah mean, ah presume you’ve gied up meat?’

      ‘Maybe giving up isn’t the right way to think of it. You just choose something else. If you don’t drink you get clearer; eating vegetables instead of meat, well, it seems lighter somehow, that’s all. And it’s just my choice … I mean I wouldn’t try to persuade anyone else.’

      ‘So you wouldnae expect your boyfriend tae be a vegetarian, then?’

      ‘My boyfriend?’

      ‘Ah mean if you had wan … or husband or that?’

      ‘No I wouldn’t, though it’s unlikely that I’d have one.’

      ‘Ah’m sorry, didnae mean tae be cheeky.’

      ‘It’s OK, I just mean that I’m not into having sexual relationships with anyone at the moment.’

      ‘Gettin over somebuddy?’

      ‘No, it’s just like the not drinking. I find I have more clarity if I just … abstain from these things.’

      ‘Right.’

      ‘I’m sorry. I must sound like a real bore. It’s just … what I feel is best for me now, you know.’

      ‘Ah see. Sorry, Barbara, ah didnae mean tae pry intae yer private life. It’s nane ae ma business. It’s just, what wi us bein thegether here and the meditatin and that, ah kind of feel we’re … well no friends exactly, but, ah suppose we are friends.’

      ‘I hope we are friends, Jimmy. I’d like for us to be friends.’

      ‘Good.’

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