If You're In the Driver's Seat, Why Are You Lost?. Lawana Gladney

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      Here is a simple exercise that will help you recognize your current likes and dislikes, as well as help you discover if you’re doing the things you say you like to do.

      When you look at your list of likes/dislikes, is there a pattern in the list? Does the majority of your list consist of people, foods, places, or objects? It’s helpful to see what your thoughts center on, because this in turn helps you identify what’s important to you. If your likes were about people, then you are focused on people. If they were mainly about food, you’re focused on foods, and so on.

      Let’s now delve deeper and explore your personal definition of success.

       What Do You Want from Life?

      If you were to consider your life successful, what would that look like? Success means something different to each of us. For you, it might be something like this: I want more money, I want a bigger house, I want a better job, I want a better husband, I want a better wife, I want a better car, I want a new boyfriend, I want a new girlfriend … you get the picture. But how do you define “better”? Instead of being vague, narrow in on exactly what you want. The specificity of your language dictates what you get. For example, instead of saying, “I’d like a bigger house,” put a size to it, such as “I would like a 3,500-square-foot house with a swimming pool.” Likewise, saying you want a better job is not definite enough; include the type of salary, benefits, travel, etc., that you would like. This sort of precision is what will bring about what you desire.

      If I asked you to make a list of successful people, who would be on your list? My list would consist of Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Warren Buffett, Barbara Walters, Beyoncé, and Bishop T.D. Jakes, among others. It’s easy to classify these individuals as successful from what we’ve seen them accomplish—rising to the top of their respective fields, amassing wealth and fame along the way, and winning countless awards. On any “success list,” many of the names that we recognize would be people who are “rich and famous.” What about winners of the Nobel Peace Prize, which is hailed as one of the highest awards and accomplishments? Would they make your list? Think about it. As you think about that, read this next story to observe the differences of what success means to different people.

      Harry and Larry were twin brothers. It was difficult for anyone to tell them apart; even their parents had trouble when they were born, and so their mother never dressed them alike. As they matured, like many twins, they took advantage of switching places and confusing people. But as much as they were alike, their fundamental definitions of success were completely different. Harry believed that his Harvard degree, seven-thousand-square-foot home with an indoor pool in a gated community, and Mercedes S-550 marked the epitome of success. Larry, on the other hand, felt that he was just as successful with his community college degree, 1,800-square-foot duplex, and five-year-old Buick. Is Harry more successful than Larry because of his material possessions? No. Larry was just as successful as Harry was because his definition of success included graduating from college with a degree, living in a small cozy house, and having no car payments or student loans bills. He accomplished his goals and reached the level he set of success.

      There are certain things that some people may consider successful: finishing college, owning a home, starting a business, landing a star role in a movie/play, etc. However, what’s important is what your version of success looks like. What does success look like for you? It is imperative that you clearly, and with as much detail as possible, define your vision of personal success. Is it having a five-bedroom home with a pool, driving a luxury vehicle, and working as an executive? Or, does your vision include owning a minivan and a three-bedroom home with a front yard? As you contemplate that question, avoid thinking about what others have accomplished or achieved. Make sure that your definition of success is about you. If you look around at other people and their so-called successes, inevitably you will begin to feel like an underachiever. There will always be someone who has more money and more ideas, and who has accomplished more goals than you. So just focus on you and the things you want.