Food Men Love. Margie Lapanja

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      Duel of the Gruel

      The most enduring legacy of America's Civil War has very little to do with ideologies of freedom and unity. No, its aftereffect is more pervasive than that: Draw the line between the Yankee North and Rebel South, get out your breakfast bowls, and prepare to duel!

      You tell me where you live, and I'll tell you what you eat. If your bowls were filled north of the Mason-Dixon line—Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Ohio—you grew up on the sacred grains of Cream of Wheat™. But if you hail anywhere south of the hills of Tennessee, you are a true grit gent through and through.

      Arm your bowls and take up your spoons, gendemen, and prepare to choose a winning recipe. I'm fairly certain if y'all whipped up a batch of Yankee Cream of Wheat and top it with a whopping dollop of vanilla Häagen-Dazs™, all your southern taste buds would be seduced and conquered. However, up against this fantastic grit recipe, it might be a draw.

       I will ride a few hundred miles before breakfast just to be at a truck stop that serves grits. Try them; you may find your motorcycle tends to head south in the morning.

      —Biker Billy, Biker Billy Cooks with Fire

       Falls Mill Uptown Cheese Grits

      1 cup Falls Mill™ stone-ground grits

      4 cups water, divided

      ¼ cup onion, finely chopped

      2 tablespoons butter

      2 teaspoons instant chicken bouillon

      ¼ cup half-and-half

      2 to 4 ounces of Havarti cheese, coarsely grated

      Place grits in a bowl and cover with 2 cups of water. Stir the grits so that light bran and chaff will rise to the top. Skim this off and set aside.

      Bring 2 cups of water, the onion, butter, and instant chicken bouillon to a boil in a heavy-bottomed saucepan.

      Pour the water and remaining chaff and bran off the grits in the bowl that was set aside and add them to the boiling mixture. Reduce heat to low and cook, covered , for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally until grits soften.

      Add half-and-half and cheese and stir until cheese melts and the grits are thick and creamy. Serve hot. Makes 4 half-cup servings.

       THE INSIDE LINE

      If you're an aspiring grits connoisseur, use only the best—no Yankee supermarket instant stuff. The best I've found are stone-ground, whole grain grits from Falls Mill, Tennessee. For more information on how to get your grits and stock up on stone-ground corn meals, flours, and a multigrain pancake mix that can't be beat, see page 211 of the Red Letter Resources at the end of this book.

       WHERE CAN I ORDER A CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK?

      We all know that the thrill of eating an authentic chicken-fried steak—that funky southern cousin to Salisbury steak or Swiss steak—is inseparable from the fun of going out to your favorite eatin' place, ordering it, waiting for it, and having it served to you, hot, hot, hot on a huge plate of grits with white gravy. I'd have to open a restaurant to make that recipe work. So my search continues for the best chicken-fried steak in the world. I hear Threadgill's in Austin, Texas, sizzles up a good one. All of you CFS lovers out there, my address is in the back of the book. I'll wait to hear from you before I order or print a recipe.

      The Incredible, Edible Omelet

      Simply put, an omelet is beaten eggs cooked in a pan and then rolled or folded, often with a filling. Men have enjoyed this refined version of scrambled eggs ever since the first omelet, a honey omelet or ovemele, was whipped up one morning in ancient Rome. Duke Ellington, the royal man of jazz, claimed he was the “world's greatest cooker of eggs” and also swore by the stimulating nature of caviar. Just imagine…a caviar omelet. Nice.

      So effortless is the French, or plain, omelet to make that Howard Helmer, the American Egg Board's Senior National Representative and holder of the Guinness World Record (427 plain omelets made in 30 minutes!), can create a filled omelet in less than 40 seconds. So man your “omelet station” and choose your filling; the possibilities are endless, limited only by your imagination and refrigerator contents. The timer is on—Go!

       Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you likeand let the food fight it out inside.

      —Mark Twain

       Effortless Omelet

      2 large eggs, room temperature (organic eggs make all the difference)

      1 tablespoon lukewarm water

      ⅛ teaspoon salt

      Dash of pepper, if desired

      Butter or cooking spray

      In a small bowl, beat the eggs, water, and salt together until blended. Add a dash of pepper if desired.

      Heat 1 teaspoon of butter (or use cooking spray) in a 7- to 10-inch nonstick omelet pan or skillet over medium-high heat (the pan is hot and “ready” when a drop of water sizzles in it). Pour in egg mixture. (Mixture should set immediately at edges.)

      With an inverted Teflon™ pancake turner, carefully push the cooked portions at the edges of the omelet toward the center so the uncooked portions can “spill over” and reach the hot surface of the pan. Tilt pan to spread the uncooked portions of the egg mixture as necessary.

      When the top of the omelet is thickened and no visible liquid egg remains, fill it with your filling of choice, if any (for suggestions, see The Inside Line on next page). With the pancake turner, fold omelet in half. Let the omelet cook in the pan for 30 seconds to a minute more. Invert it onto a plate with a quick flip of the wrist or take the mellow route and simply slide it onto a plate. Makes 1 incredible omelet.