Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters. Karen C.L. Anderson
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Название: Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters
Автор: Karen C.L. Anderson
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Управление, подбор персонала
isbn: 9781633537163
isbn:
By being honest and aware of how, at first, I chose to believe that I was not good enough, I opened the door to healing. In deciding that I didn’t want to believe it any more, I released it, not just for me, but also for my mother, her mother, and on and on, and walked through that door.
Doing this work heals—not just you, and not just in the present—but also past generations (although I believe doing it just for you is perfectly okay). It also changes the future for the better.
When we choose to focus on and heal our mother stories, we transform them from something that wears us out and causes us to suffer into something that is a source of wisdom, creativity, and peace. We go from believing we should be happy all the time to being alive and awake. We go from thinking we’re broken and needing to be fixed to knowing we’re complete and whole as is.
And that is the number-one reason to take an honest and compassionate look at your relationship with your mother and to ask yourself what you’ve chosen to take from her and what you’re passing on, and if it’s not what you choose, then to heal it.
World peace does indeed start inside each and every one of us.
Chapter 6 “So, Tell Me about Your Relationship with Your Mother.”
Classic, right? It’s what every therapist I’ve ever seen, traditional or alternative, has (eventually) asked when I sought help for various issues (from weight loss to anxiety).
And then there are all the books I’ve read. Books about toxic families and “bad” mothers.
While I found great comfort in telling my story to therapists, and in realizing that I am not alone when I read those books, none of this insight or experience did anything to bring me true and lasting freedom and peace. And that’s not the therapists’ or books’ fault.
While identifying and understanding our mothers’ issues is helpful in being able to provide context for pathology, it doesn’t always give us a path forward. It can actually limit our growth and potential.
It can be a relief to have an explanation, but it can also validate us in feeling angry, sad, bitter, disappointed, and reactive. On one hand, it felt good—exhilarating even—to tell negative stories about my mother in the various online “support” groups I discovered, and to read other women’s similar stories.
On the other hand, those groups seemingly supported me in staying a lesser version of my self, which, ironically, is often what happens between mothers and daughters. So many women share that it’s only when they’re struggling that their mothers seem to pay attention, and when they’re thriving, their mothers display a range of behaviors—everything from ignoring them to lashing out at them.
I experienced something similar and then went deeper into an unhealthy “blame” mode because I believed it shouldn’t be this way.
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