Be Happy, Always. Xandria Ooi

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СКАЧАТЬ section is also a self-contained lesson, so after your first read, you can flip to the individual piece that you feel compelled to read again.

      3.Every title also serves as a quote. Once you’ve read the entire book, you can flip to the quotes that serve as a quick reminder of the philosophies you’d like to embrace in life.

      4.There are two tables of content in this book, the first arranged by chapter and title, and the second by subject. This is so that if you’d like to actively practice happiness after you’ve finished the book, you can pick up the book again and refer to “Contents by Subject” for techniques relating to acceptance, understanding, awareness, perspective, and self-love.

      So many of the lessons I’ve shared in this book come from my mother, who grew up poor yet happy. She is divorced yet lives each day with joy, and she experiences anxiety and depression yet does not suffer. My mother is my best teacher, and her guidance comes neither from books nor education but from the way she lives her own life. Not only does she show that it is entirely possible to be happy, always, her approach to happiness has always been practical and extremely applicable. It is with this same approach that I’ve written this book, and I hope that you enjoy reading in a way that uplifts you and empowers you to live each day with joy and no regrets, no matter what comes your way. Be happy, always!

      Lots of love,

      Xandria

Chapter One

Understanding Happiness and Unhappiness

      Life Is Either a Celebration or a Lesson

      <Perspective>

      My husband, Yuri, likes to say that life is either a celebration or a lesson. I think that this is one of the best philosophies, because then we can truly see life as the gift that it is.

      Yuri and I have been married since 2010, and we used to argue so much in those first few years. At the time, we didn’t know that it was possible to disagree without arguing. We knew that it was common for couples to argue, so we honestly thought that having arguments in a relationship was normal, even healthy.

      In a way, we weren’t unhappy with each other. We were unhappy with the problems; the frustrations we felt toward each other indicated that we must have felt that the other person was the source of the problems. There were differences that created friction every time we tried to talk about issues that arose.

      It was only when Yuri and I started to see our disagreements as opportunities to learn more about each other that the way we communicated changed. We stopped fighting when we viewed the differences not as problems, but as welcome opportunities to learn more about each other.

      Not fighting doesn’t mean we have no problems in our relationship. It means that we can actually talk about what is wrong without accusing the other person of being at fault.

      When things are going well in our relationship, it is a celebration. When things aren’t going well in our relationship, it is a lesson. Either way, we win. This small but subtle shift in perspective gave our relationship a solid foundation on which to base our work—because we stopped feeling frustrated when we were unhappy, and we started to instead see our disagreements as a way to help us learn more about ourselves and about each other.

      This perspective applies to everything in life.

      We all know that life is never perfect. To be born into this world, to be alive, is to experience challenges and difficulties. We know this, yet we often despair when life isn’t going well.

      We know that people are not perfect, that to be human is to err. Yet when people behave badly and show us their imperfections, we can get really upset.

      When we really think about it, we start to wonder what it is that causes us so much unhappiness. Is it people? Is it the circumstances? Or is it our reluctance to accept the reality of what being alive means?

      If we can accept that life is either a celebration or a lesson, then our perspective toward our personal challenges and difficulties will shift. This doesn’t mean that we will never feel sad or upset, it means that when we do have problems, we are able to see them as opportunities to learn something valuable about ourselves.

      When I was producing and hosting on a radio station, I would often come home really upset from the challenges that I was facing with the people at work. One day, Yuri said to me, “Didn’t you say that one of your goals in life is to grow as person? Well, the universe must have heard you, because it has given you this challenge to learn from and grow.”

      That stopped all my moaning, complaining, and feelings of self-pity. It got me thinking. He was right—if life does not present us with challenges, how are we to grow as people? If we are never tested, how will we know the level of our strength?

      My challenges with my co-workers didn’t disappear overnight, but my perspective on those challenges completely changed. My problems were not problems anymore, they turned into welcome challenges. The situation had not changed, yet my feelings toward the situation had shifted, which made such a difference in my happiness.

      When I look back at that challenging time in my life, I am in awe of how much it taught me about patience and understanding. I learned how to recognize my ego and to practice the art of letting go. Of course, when I was going through the difficult times, it didn’t feel like the situation was something to appreciate. However, when the circumstances had passed—as all things do, the good and the bad—I told my mom, “Gosh, these are lessons that I would have paid to learn!”

      When things are going smoothly in our lives, it is a celebration. When challenges present themselves in the form of either people or our circumstances, it is an opportunity to learn. Either way, we win.

      This means that we are in acceptance of what is happening—not because we have no choice, but because we know it truly benefits us.

      Life is either a celebration or a lesson. This worldview provides a solid foundation for every challenge that comes our way because it encourages acceptance. Acceptance is the foundation of our happiness, much like how a structure with a solid foundation will stand strong through the worst storms. Without acceptance as our solid foundation, it will be very difficult for us to be happy or fulfilled no matter what we do or how hard we try to make things better on the surface—we will be too consumed by what is happening to us to focus our attention on resolving our problems and moving forward.

      Acceptance helps us face what is happening in our lives without wishing for reality to be different. It helps us acknowledge what we feel without wishing that we were feeling something else. It is knowing that while we cannot change the reality, we have complete power over how we respond to our challenges. Acceptance helps ground us to weather the storms that will inevitably come our way.

      Where there is acceptance, there is a lack of suffering. And ultimately, happiness is simply a lack of suffering.

      People Can Cause Us Pain, But We Can Choose Not to Suffer

      <Acceptance>

      After thirty-two years of marriage, my dad came home one day and told my mom that he had fallen in love with someone else.

      It was close to midnight, and I was packing for a friend’s wedding in Hong Kong when my mom called with the СКАЧАТЬ