The Complete Guide to Children's Drawings: Accessing Children‘s Emotional World through their Artwork. Michal Wimmer
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To conclude, temper tantrums are a way of expressing anger and usually occur when a child experiences frustration and difficulty finding a better way to cope with his reality. Note that anger and aggression are natural and convey this belief to the child, in addition to having a dialog from which he may learn about other ways of coping with aggression.
Figure 3-4:Following therapy: emotional relief as indicated by the more spacious hair
A child should understand that socially, there are more effective ways for him to cope with failure or frustration. When parents have difficulty coping with temper tantrums themselves, and these become a recurring pattern, they should consult a therapist or parental guidance expert.
Stubbornness and Power Struggles
The generic term power struggles will be used here to refer to struggles that parents have with their children. Unlike temper tantrums, power struggles might be prolonged and accompany almost every interaction. Power struggles may extend from the age of 1½ years to late adolescence. Often, but not always, power struggles involve temper tantrums.
Children who have adopted a power struggle attitude will be ready to fight over anything as if it were a matter of life and death – they will scream, become stubborn and act aggressively. In other cases they will lie or behave in a domineering way towards their family members (Madigan, 2003).
Parents living in such an atmosphere are exhausted and usually state that “there are shouts, threats and punishments all day long. Without them, nothing works”. When parents reach the point of joining in a power struggle, they will tend not to give up on their principles, even if leads to “a severe clash with my child, until he understands who’s the boss”.
Figure 3-5:Power struggles indicated by dense painting with intense pressure
The children’s drawings and the children themselves, in this case, react to this harsh treatment. In the drawings, this may be indicated by intense pressure on the drawing tool and the use of multiple and dense paint layers, to the point of tearing the page.
Eventually, despite their militant statements, many parents feel defeated and frustrated. They will often admit that “this is not how I planned on raising my child…” Their child usually shares this exact feeling, although his feelings are not as clear to outsiders.
Figure 3-6:Emphasized shoulders and exaggerated height as a way of indicating desired status in the context of power struggles within the family
He also feels humiliated and beaten, resulting in continued efforts to fight for his place and status at home. His drawings, such as that presented in figure 3-6, often include figures whose legs look like pedestals the figures are mounted on, in a compensatory attempt at enhancing his status and influence at home and stressing the shoulders by drawing with intense pressure, as the emotional meaning of this bodily part is associated with status within the family.
The 4 year-old boy who made the following drawings is charming and lovable. Eight months after his young brother was born he started his power struggles with his parents and never stopped since. He responds to almost every request with “I don’t feel like it”, even if they offer him something enjoyable in return. In other words, almost every interaction with him leads to a fight.
Figure 3-7:Spreading over the entire page and circular coloring
His rapid and circular drawing style represents his energy and activeness. The broad deployment of elements on the page represents his tendency to be dominant in social interactions. He knows how to find ways to receive constant quality attention from his family members. Moreover, you may conclude from the gaps in his scribbles that he is outgoing, with a developed sense of humor, which enables him to get applauses and remain at the center of attention.
However, his drawings are below average compared to his age. Such regression, as expressed in the following example, represents his behavior, turning every interaction into a fight. According to his drawings, he experiences his social environment as a battlefield, where one wins or loses.
Figure 3-8:Regression in drawing level indicating prolonged power struggles
No doubt any parent would be exhausted by such behavior, especially if it lasts long. Due to such behavior many parents report having lost the pleasure of being a parent. Naturally, children such as this boy give their parents many moments of joy and laughter. It’s nice to observe him running and playing, but his objection to simple requests makes his parents feel weak and frustrated.
How to improve the family atmosphere?
There are several ways to improve an atmosphere in a family with a child who constantly turns down requests and acts defiantly:
1.Coping with daily transitions – Some children have difficulty with changes, which is mainly expressed by filling the entire page with a variety of scribbles, using sharp transitions from circular to angular scribbles. Such difficulty may be expressed in events such as going to trips with friends, going to kindergarten, bathing in the evening, falling asleep, etc. Any transition should be made gradually and slowly while using the opportunity for motor activity in the form of competing to the destination, even if the child only competes with himself.
Figure 3-9:Sharp transitions between circular and angular scribbling: difficulty with daily transitions
2.In all such transitions you should first check whether the parents’ behavior is consistent – each separately and both together. In this case, the source of the child’s difficulty was an unstructured daily schedule. Note that going to kindergarten and dining on regular hours provide children with confidence and emotional calm. Consistency should not be merely technical of course, but accompanied by parental messages and other valued behaviors.
3.Use movement to reach out – Most children like to run, but some need to do so more than others. This child, for example, needs to move during most of the day. This is indicated by his rapid and inconsistent scribbling style. Every time you want to talk to such child, it would be better to do it while walking or combined with any other activity. When such a child is in motion, he learns better. When walking is not feasible, try to maintain physical contact with the child during the conversation – even if you just put a hand on his shoulder, it will improve his listening. Note that some children like this one need activity to improve their attitude, rather than long dialogs that tire them.
4.Positive feedback – This method, using words or stickers, can do wonders. The feedback should be gradual – every succeeding stage is rewarded. For example, first a child will get a sticker only for getting up СКАЧАТЬ