Cottage Daze 2-Book Bundle. James Ross

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      Never turn your back on your sister.

      Cottage Guests

      It doesn’t matter how well you know them, cottage guests will always change when they come to your summer abode. Typically, there are three main types. There are those who show up with a sporting goods store strapped to their SUVs. They have canoes or kayaks, water skis and wakeboards, fishing rods, snorkelling gear, and baseball gloves. These active guests are up every morning at 6:00 a.m., and don’t stop all weekend. They energize you. They tire you out.

      Then there are the guests who park their backsides in the sitting room or on the dock and act like they are visiting some swank, four-star, all-inclusive resort. They like to say things like, “My beer is empty,” “I’m hungry, when is lunch usually served?” and “You should build yourself a little trolley — it would make it easier for you to bring down all those appetizers and drinks, and save you some trips.” They are always on time for dinner, and afterwards, while you clean up, they take the canoe out for a romantic evening paddle. “You should try it,” they say.

      Finally, there are the guests who immediately fall in love with the place, constantly smiling and shaking their heads in wonder. They are immediately at ease and totally comfortable in their surroundings. They like to read, and they tend to enjoy the simple things in life. They also like to help out with cottage projects, daily chores, and in cooking meals. Meal preparation becomes a social, fun time, with everyone getting involved. Some will volunteer to take charge of a homemade pizza night or some ethnic-themed meal.

      While these visitors quickly fall into the relaxation mode, the others remain nervous and fidgety, having had to leave their workplace technology behind. They are out of their comfort zones, without their cellphones, laptops, and BlackBerries. In fact, they do not know what else to use their hands for. You find them nervously pacing around the dock in the morning, stretching and flexing their thumbs. During the drive home they check every kilometre to see if they are “back in range,” and when they miraculously re-enter this connected zone, they immediately fall silent, all their concentration focussed on their techno addictions.

      The children also like to invite their own young friends to spend some time at the cottage. Some are bored — “There is nothing to do!” Translation: they miss their cellphones, computers, video games, and text messages. These might remain friends, but they are city friends. The kids seem to have an innate ability to recognize the friends who will fit in, use their imaginations, and join in the time-tested cottage activities. At their summer escape, they want to surround themselves with those who will unabashedly play their made-up games of manhunt, James Bond, capture the flag, and, after dark, the sinister murder game. They play old, traditional board games, and can spend whole days frolicking in the lake, never complaining that they’re cold.

      The best cottage guests? They create memories that make you laugh. They suddenly pull harmonicas out of their pockets at the evening campfire and entertain. Who knew they were musical? They have their own fun and funky fireside songs and games. They religiously rise in the early morning, jump into the lake, and scream like some phantom lake monsters. They get the kids up early and take them out fishing. A fellow cottage friend said she had a guest who would play the trombone every morning at the end of the dock while the sun was rising. Others will lie out on the swim rock at night, looking up at the stars and pointing out to the kids all the constellations.

      There is always that brief moment of contemplation — before the dive.

      The guests we invite to our cottage, good friends and family alike, are those that we care enough about to want to share our favourite place on earth. The good ones do not simply take from the experience, but rather add to it. By doing so, they tend to find their way into our cottage lore. Also, by doing so, they tend to ensure themselves of another invite!

      The Food Chain

      My wife stumbled onto the battle scene first. She had gone to retrieve the watering can, which is stored under the front porch of the cottage, when she jumped back with a shrill screech.

      Of course this drew the attention of my children, who, although they never seem to hear the clang of the dinner bell calling them for a meal, respond at once to a horrified yelp. They arrived at the scene even before I bravely came running to the rescue. We peered under the wood decking, crouching cautiously to gain a better view.

      A long black, green, and yellow garter snake was the reason for my wife’s consternation, but it was the battle that was ensuing that caught the fancy of the rest of us. There was a tug-of-war going on between the snake and a huge, brown, wrinkly toad. The snake had one of the toad’s legs in its hinged mouth and was working hard to envelop the rest of the poor creature — a feat that seemed to me to be impossible.

      In a fatherly way, I was a little concerned to have the children take in this morbid scene. The kids simply found the whole thing captivating — although the descriptive words “gross” and “sick” were generously applied. We watched as the snake gained some ground, pulling the toad farther under the wooden porch. Then we watched the toad hop gamely towards the light.

      The battle continued for much of the day, and for most of the length of the deck. Though I lost interest after a time and returned to my work, the children exhibited an untiring fascination. They peered through the cracks and gave a running commentary. They cheered for the toad. When I shuffled them off into the cabin for bed that night, the battle had not yet been won — or lost.

      The children were up unusually early the next day and quickly out to the covered porch, but after searching exhaustively and peering through every crack, they reported that the fight must have ended. They concluded that the toad must have escaped.

      Old-fashioned fun — shooting pebbles into the lake.

      Later that same day, I came across the snake sunning itself on a rock by the water’s edge. Evidence dictated that the battle’s outcome had been very different from what my kids had hoped for, or I had thought possible. As the snake slithered slowly away, I could see the huge bulge halfway along the length of its sleek body. It looked like I feel after a huge Thanksgiving dinner.

      I wondered whether to tell the family about my find. I decided it best, for why hide nature’s truths? I have seen a lot of things, but this was a lesson for me as well. I never thought it possible for this snake to swallow a toad the size of a softball.

      And the lesson was not over. Not long after, as we were enjoying lunch on the dock, we saw our friendly red-tailed hawk wing past with what looked like a length of rope dangling from its talons.

      The snake, made lazy and careless in victory, had become the victim. Another of nature’s СКАЧАТЬ