Think Like a White Man. Dr Boulé Whytelaw III

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      First published in Great Britain, the USA and Canada in 2019

      by Canongate Books Ltd, 14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE

      Distributed in the USA by Publishers Group West and in

      Canada by Publishers Group Canada

      This digital edition first published in 2019 by Canongate Books

       canongate.co.uk

      Copyright © Nelson Abbey, 2019

      Quotation from speech by Lucius Cary, 15th Viscount Falkland in

      The Official Record of the Debate Initiated by Lord Gifford QC in

      the House of Lords of the British Parliament on 14th March 1996

      Concerning the African Reparations, col. 1052.

      Extract from The Huey P. Newton Reader © Huey Newton, 2002. Reprinted with permission of Seven Stories Press.

      The moral right of the author has been asserted

      British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available on request from the British Library

      ISBN 978 1 78689 434 2

      eISBN 978 1 78689 439 7

      About the Authors

       Dr Boulé Whytelaw III

      Dr Boulé Whytelaw III is the Distinguished Professor of White People Studies at Bishop Lamonthood University, the Deputy Vice Chair of the C(T)UWP, the Centre for (Trying to) Understand White People, and is widely acknowledged as the definitive global authority on white people.

      He is the highly accomplished television-writing brain behind the hit shows Good Cops, Good White Folk and Other Wild Fantasies and Scientific Proof: The White Man’s Ice Is Indeed Colder.

      Prior to an unfortunate redundancy he was a decorated banker (specialising in no-income, no-job or assets loans) and a grandee of a slew of corporate diversity schemes.

       Nels Abbey

      Nels Abbey is a British Nigerian (Itsekiri) writer and media executive based in London. This is his first book.

      I dedicate this book to the most precious group of beings on the face of the Earth, as well as the foremost resistors of White-Manism: black women. Sistas, you’re loved, admired and worshipped by me. Forever and a day.

      You’re deeply appreciated.

      I also dedicate this book to my amazing white wife.

      – Dr Boulé Whytelaw III

       Contents

       Introduction by Nels Abbey

       Assumptions

       Preamble

       PART 1: UNDERSTANDING THE WHITE MAN

       1 Why Think Like a White Man?

       2 The White Man Commandments

       3 Performance + Politics = Power

       4 Compassion or Progression? Decision Time

       5 Shock and Awe

       6 See No Racism, Hear No Racism, Speak No Racism

       7 You Are Not an Activist

       8 Pick Your Battles

       9 White Guilt

       PART 2: OVERTHROWING THE WHITE MAN

       10 It’s Not Just What You Do, It’s Who You Do It in Front Of

       11 Network (i.e. Gossip and Make Fake Friends)

       12 Sex Sells

       13 You Need a Mentor (or Two)

       14 Believe in Yourself

       15 Power: How to Use, Abuse and Retain It

       16 Your Power Base and Your Legacy

       Epilogue: Leadership Tips

       Appendix 1: Risk Assessment: Types of Black People in the Corporate World

       Appendix 2: White Man Decoded: The Black Professional’s Dictionary

       Credits and Acknowledgements