The Forgiveness Solution. Philip H. Friedman

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       From Fear to Love

      A lifetime of personal and spiritual growth and practicing psychotherapy has led me to understand that underneath all distressing emotions is the core emotion of fear, which is itself a lack of love. Love is the core positive emotion that we experience when we are connected to our inner Being or true Self. When we feel separate from our inner Being or true Self, we experience fear. All other distressing emotions are secondary to fear. The essence of our Being is love, and our journey through life is a quest to return to our core, which is love.

      Whenever we experience distressing emotions, we are, in fact, calling for love. On one level, we are calling for love from other people, but on a deeper level we are calling for love from and toward ourselves. So it follows that whenever someone else is expressing negative or distressing emotions, feelings, judgments, or complaints toward us or toward themselves, they are calling for love. Therefore, it can be said that every communication is either an expression of love or a call for love. Forgiveness allows you and me to remove the blocks and barriers to the experience of that love. For example, if your spouse, lover, friend, parent, sibling, or child is expressing a lot of negativity, anger, resentment, bitterness, or frustration, rather than seeing it as a sign of disrespect you can learn to see it as a call for help and a call for love. In fact, you can learn to see that underneath the negativity are hurt and disappointment, and underneath the hurt and disappointment is fear. By forgiving these people you care about and by staying calm and centered, you can learn to respond in a more resourceful, compassionate, and beneficial way to their calls for help and for love.