The Life of Trust. George Muller

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СКАЧАТЬ required much prayer. Instead of this, I hurried to the prayer meeting, after a few minutes’ private prayer. But let none think that public prayer will make up for closet communion. Then again, afterwards, when I ought to have withdrawn myself, as it were, by force, from the company of beloved brethren and sisters, and given my testimony for the Lord, (and, indeed, it would have been the best testimony I could have given them,) by telling them that I needed secret communion with the Lord, I did not do so, but spent the time, till the coach came, in conversation with them. Now, however profitable in some respects it may have been made to those with whom I was on that morning, yet my own soul needed food; and not having had it, I was lean, and felt the effects of it the whole day; and hence I believe it came that I was dumb on the coach, and did not speak a word for Christ, nor give away a single tract, though I had my pockets full on purpose.

      April 22. This morning I preached at Gideon Chapel, Bristol. In the afternoon I preached at the Pithay Chapel. This sermon was a blessing to many, many souls; and many were brought through it to come afterwards to hear brother Craik and me. Among others it was the means of converting a young man who was a notorious drunkard, and who was just again on his way to a public house, when an acquaintance of his met him, and asked him to go with him to hear a foreigner preach. He did so; and from that moment he was so completely altered, that he never again went to a public house, and was so happy in the Lord afterwards that he often neglected his supper, from eagerness to read the Scriptures, as his wife told me. He died about five months afterwards. This evening I was much instructed in hearing brother Craik preach. I am now fully persuaded that Bristol is the place where the Lord will have me to labor.

      April 27. It seems to brother Craik and myself the Lord’s will that we should go home next week, in order that in quietness, without being influenced by what we see here, we may more inquire into the Lord’s will concerning us. It especially appears to us much more likely that we should come to a right conclusion among the brethren and sisters in Devonshire, whose tears we shall have to witness, and whose entreaties to stay with them we shall have to hear, than here in Bristol, where we see only those who wish us to stay.

      April 28. It still seems to us the Lord’s will that we should both leave soon, to have quiet time for prayer concerning Bristol. April 29. I preached this morning on Rev. iii. 14–22. As it afterwards appeared, that testimony was blessed to many, though I lacked enjoyment in my own soul. This afternoon brother Craik preached in a vessel called the Clifton Ark, fitted up for a chapel. In the evening I preached in the same vessel. These testimonies also God greatly honored, and made them the means of afterwards bringing several, who then heard us, to our meeting places. How was God with us, and how did he help us, thereby evidently showing that he himself had sent us to this city!

      April 30. It was most affecting to take leave of the dear children of God, dozens pressing us to return soon, many with tears in their eyes. The blessing which the Lord has given to our ministry seems to be very great. We both see it fully the Lord’s will to come here, though we do not see under what circumstances. A brother has promised to take Bethesda Chapel for us, and to be answerable for the payment of the rent; so that thus we should have two large chapels. I saw, again, two instances to-day in which my preaching has been blessed.

      May 1. Brother Craik and I left this morning for Devonshire.

      May 3. I saw several of the brethren to-day, and felt so fully assured that it is the Lord’s will that I should go to Bristol, that I told them so. This evening I had a meeting with the three deacons, when I told them plainly about it; asking them, if they see anything wrong in me concerning this matter, to tell me of it. They had nothing to say against it; yea, though much wishing me to stay, they were convinced themselves that my going is of God.

      May 5. One other striking proof to my mind that my leaving Teignmouth is of God, is, that some truly spiritual believers, though they much wish me to stay, themselves see that I ought to go to Bristol.

      May 7. Having received a letter from Bristol on May 5, it was answered to-day in such a way that the Lord may have another opportunity to prevent our going thither if it be not of him.

      May 15. Just when I was in prayer concerning Bristol, I was sent for to come to brother Craik. Two letters had arrived from Bristol. The brethren assembling at Gideon accept our offer to come under the conditions we have made, i.e. for the present, to consider us only as ministering among them, but not in any fixed pastoral relationship, so that we may preach as we consider it to be according to the mind of God, without reference to any rules among them; that the pew-rents should be done away with; and that we should go on, respecting the supply of our temporal wants, as in Devonshire. We intend, the Lord willing, to leave in about a week, though there is nothing settled respecting Bethesda Chapel.

      May 21. I began to-day to take leave of the brethren at Teignmouth, calling on each of them. It has been a trying day. Much weeping on the part of the saints. Were I not so fully persuaded that it is the will of God we should go to Bristol, I should have been hardly able to bear it.

      May 22. The brethren at Teignmouth say that they expect us soon back again. As far as I understand the way in which God deals with his children, this seems very unlikely. Towards the evening, the Lord, after repeated prayer, gave me Col. i. 21–23 as a text for the last word of exhortation. It seemed to me best to speak as little as possible about myself, and as much as possible about Christ. I scarcely alluded to our separation, and only commended myself and the brethren, in the concluding prayer, to the Lord. The parting scenes are very trying, but my full persuasion is that the separation is of the Lord. May 23. My wife, Mr. Groves, my father-in-law, and I left this morning for Exeter. Dear brother Craik intends to follow us to-morrow.

      We had unexpectedly received, just before we left Teignmouth, about fifteen pounds, else we should not have been able to defray all the expenses connected with leaving, travelling, etc. By this, also, the Lord showed his mind concerning our going to Bristol.

      The following record will now show to the believing reader how far what I have said concerning my persuasion that it was the will of God that we should go to Bristol has been proved by facts.

      May 25, 1832. This evening we arrived at Bristol. May 27. This morning we received a sovereign, sent to us by a sister residing in Devonshire, which we take as an earnest that the Lord will provide for us here also. May 28. When we were going to speak to the brethren, who manage the temporal affairs of Gideon Chapel, about giving up the pew-rents, having all the seats free, and receiving the free-will offerings through a box, a matter which was not quite settled on their part, as brother Craik and I had thought, we found that the Lord had so graciously ordered this matter for us that there was not the least objection on the part of these brethren.

      June 4. For several days we have been looking about for lodgings, but finding none plain and cheap enough, we were led to make this also a subject of earnest prayer; and now, immediately afterwards, the Lord has given us such as are suitable. We pay only eighteen shillings a week for two sitting-rooms and three bedrooms, coals, and attendance. It was particularly difficult to find cheap furnished lodgings, having five rooms in the same house, which we need, as brother Craik and we live together. How good is the Lord to have thus appeared for us, in answer to prayer, and what an encouragement to commit everything to him in prayer!

      June 25. To-day it was finally settled to take Bethesda Chapel for a twelvemonth, on condition that a brother at once paid the rent, with the understanding that, if the Lord shall bless our labors in that place, so that believers are gathered together in fellowship, he expects them to help him; but if not, that he will pay all. This was the only way in which we could take the chapel; for we could not think it to be of God to have had this chapel, though there should be every prospect of usefulness, if it had made us in any way debtors.

      July 6. To-day we commenced preaching at Bethesda Chapel. It was a good day. July 13. To-day we heard of the first cases of cholera in СКАЧАТЬ