Mindfulness For Warriors. Kim Colegrove

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СКАЧАТЬ but he was not built for the job. Since his death, I have learned that nobody is, not really. Humans are not built to endure and withstand years and years of intense stress, trauma, death, and devastation. Yes, there are people who can do the work and do it well, but nobody goes unscathed. David was a sweet, sensitive, emotional man at his core. The dysfunction, death, and violence he witnessed as a police officer affected him deeply and subsequently impacted his entire life.

      In a later segment in this book, titled “His Buried Trauma,” I will talk more about what David endured during his eight years as a patrolman. Those early years caused indelible pain and trauma that I believe changed the trajectory of my husband’s life.

      In my opinion, had David been able to seek assistance for the mental and emotional fallout from the early days on the job, he would have been a more effective law enforcement officer and investigator—and he was pretty damn good as it was. He also could have enjoyed a more peaceful personal life, and he might still be here.

      Instead, he struggled and suffered off and on for the entire thirty years, and his suffering caused pain for the people he loved. With knowledge of the stigma surrounding mental and emotional problems in law enforcement so deeply buried in his psyche, instead of seeking help, David became engulfed in a tsunami of trauma symptoms, and ultimately decided death was the only way to escape the pain.

      It did not have to be this way, and it doesn’t have to end like this for one other first responder.

      If any of this resonates with you, if you are a first responder who has suffered similarly, please know there is hope. There is help available. You can heal. You can learn skills and tools to build your resilience and survive, no matter how bad things are.

      If you are someone who loves a first responder, and you suspect your loved one is struggling like David did, please know there are first-responder-specific programs and facilities that can help. That is the one piece we were missing near the end of David’s life. We did not know that type of help was available. We tried the normal psychiatric route, but that was never going to help my husband because there was no way he was letting his guard down in that environment.

      Later in the book, I will offer stories of first responders from all backgrounds: military, law enforcement, fire service, EMS, and dispatch, who at some point in their career found themselves struggling or suffering with post-traumatic stress symptoms, trauma, anxiety, depression, nightmares, recurring memories and images, and even suicidal ideation. They will tell us where they’ve been, what they experienced, and how it affected them, their families and their lives. Then they will share how they found the courage to step onto a healing path, which tools worked for them, and what they are doing to maintain their well-being.

      Maybe you will see yourself in one of these people. Perhaps their story is your story.

      If so, my hope is that hearing from these brave and vulnerable souls will create a spark in you and inspire you to take that first step toward wellness and wholeness. Reach out, talk to someone, attend a peer support meeting, or make your first counseling appointment. Learn what helped these people, and maybe try something they tried. But please know that you are not alone. Others have struggled in the same way you are, but they’ve survived and are thriving, and you can too.

      We must put an end to silent suffering. We are losing too many first responders to suicide and premature death due to health problems. First responders deserve a long, full, peaceful, happy, healthy life. They deserve to have connected relationships and a culture and community that supports them.

      My Initiation

      Becoming a widow was my initiation as a warrior. I am fighting for first responders and their families. There is a massive nationwide movement to bring healing to our first responders, and I have joined this cause. I’m standing shoulder-to-shoulder with an army of compassionate, caring people who will stop at nothing to help, save, and rescue the brave and important people who have dedicated their lives to helping, saving, and rescuing others. Each of us contributes something unique to the fight, but all of us are united in the commitment to bring sweeping change to this dire situation.

      This is not a moment; it’s a movement. It’s not a wellness fad that will fade away like a trendy diet or the latest health guru. This is a new way of being for first responders and it will prevail and sustain.

      My small part in this movement is to offer two powerful personal practices to first responders and their families and loved ones. The practices are meditation and mindfulness. These tools help turn one’s attention inward, to the self. They can help a person manage stress, regulate emotions, and improve overall health.

      Beyond teaching meditation and mindfulness, I am encouraging first responders to seek professional help and step onto a healing path that can change the trajectory of their lives and the lives of everyone they love.

      There are many, many other people, other warriors, involved in this movement who are offering myriad tools, therapies, retreats, modalities, education, facilities, books, counseling, peer groups, training, and other forms of support. Together, we will make a difference.

      If you are a first responder, please join the movement to help and heal, starting with yourself. Up until now, you have been the help. Now, maybe you need a little help. Please don’t allow your stoicism, shame, embarrassment, or pride to keep you from seeking the help and support you need and deserve.

Chapter 2

What Is a Warrior?

      “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

      —Plato

      Here is the most basic, historical definition of a warrior: a person who fights in a battle or war.

      Here’s my definition: a warrior is anyone who stands ready to serve, protect, and defend a person, place, thing, or cause, and will fight and sacrifice for the betterment of others and for the greater good.

      My husband David was a warrior. He was a protector, and a guardian of justice. He had this way of making people feel safe. Once, in marriage counseling, our therapist said, “If the ship is going down, stand next to David and you will survive.” That about sums it up. That’s who David was at his core.

      David was a good man, and he was a good cop, by all accounts. In the year of his death, he received two prominent awards, the State of Missouri Guardian of Justice Award and an MOCIC (Mid-States Organized Crime Information Center) award. In the 1990s, while working as a federal agent, David headed up a two-year-long investigation which led to the arrest and conviction of a crime ring, including a brutal killer who was featured on the TV show America’s Most Wanted. And he had many other career successes and accolades.

      Recently, I was speaking at a law enforcement conference, and I saw a man making a beeline toward me from across the room. As he approached, I thought his eyes looked teary. He stretched out his hand and said, “I worked with your husband many years ago. I hadn’t heard that he had passed, I’m so sorry.”

      I thanked him and we chatted a little. His comments about David echoed what many others have said to me over the years. “Your husband was a really good cop,” he said. “If shit was going down, you wanted David there with you.”

      I always say David was this great combination of a silly, funny, goofy guy who you probably wouldn’t want to encounter in a dark alley. He was charming and harmless, until he or someone he felt responsible for was threatened, and then watch out. СКАЧАТЬ