The Secret To Happiness. Jessica Redland

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      Staring at the empty wrapper, Alison shook her head. How many times had she done that? Sat in the same cubicle, surrounded by opulence, secretly scoffing chocolate? She glanced down at her uniform, stretched across her body. Dave was so right. No wonder.

      When Alison emerged from her hideout, her heart raced when she spotted she wasn’t alone. ‘Sarah! I didn’t hear you come in.’

      Sarah rose from the deep-rose chaise longue. ‘I wanted to check you were okay.’

      ‘Me? Why wouldn’t I be?’ she responded innocently. ‘Too much tea this morning.’ She moved to the sink and squeezed luxury lavender soap onto her hands, cursing that she hadn’t flushed the toilet.

      ‘But you haven’t been to the loo, have you? You’ve been eating chocolate.’

      Alison stopped mid-rinse. ‘How…?’

      ‘Because it’s exactly what I’d have done. Exactly what I did do. Frequently.’

      ‘Yeah, right. Because you’re so enormous.’

      ‘I used to be,’ Sarah declared proudly.

      Alison turned back to the marble sink and finished rinsing her hands while trying to find the right words. She didn’t want to offend Sarah but the last time somebody had said, ‘I used to be fat’ to her, it turned out that they’d gained half a stone and ‘ballooned’ from a size eight to a ten. Hardly the ‘obese’ category into which Alison fell on those hideous height-weight charts. She turned off the taps and wiped her hands on a sumptuous cream guest towel.

      ‘I lost five stone,’ Sarah said.

      No! Alison spun around to face Sarah. ‘Really?’

      ‘Really.’

      ‘How?’ She tossed the towel into the laundry basket.

      ‘I dumped my useless boyfriend. I was a comfort eater so I needed to get rid of what was causing me discomfort. With Jason gone, I didn’t need to turn to chocolate, cake or kebabs so the weight came off. And I go running on the beach. Never thought I’d get into that.’ She smiled gently. ‘Are you a comfort eater?’

      Alison shrugged. ‘I think I’m just an eater. Full stop.’

      ‘Do you want to lose weight?’

      Alison shrugged again. ‘I’m not sure.’

      ‘If you’re happy, then don’t change a thing. Personally, I think you’re amazing exactly as you are.’ Sarah paused and cocked her head to one side. ‘But people who are happy don’t usually hide in the toilets, troughing chocolate. Remember, I’ve been there, done that. I know it doesn’t help.’

      ‘It’s fine. I’m fine. I just…’ Alison voice cracked and she shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. Who was she kidding? ‘I hate the way I look, Sarah. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way other people make me feel, like that little girl just now. Yet I can’t seem to stop eating. What’s wrong with me?’ Tears tumbled down her flushed cheeks.

      Sarah held her arms out and Alison gratefully accepted the hug. She was used to Dave’s grumpiness and could usually laugh off incidents like the one at reception. Just not today. She clung onto Sarah as sobs wracked her body.

      ‘Thank you,’ she said when she’d calmed down.

      Sarah nodded. ‘Anytime. If and when you’re ready, I’d love to help you.’

      Alison wiped at her smudged mascara. ‘Thanks, but I think I’m a lost cause.’

      ‘No, you’re not. I believe in you. You just have to believe in yourself. You can do this, Ali.’

      Someone believed in her? For that brief moment, Alison felt inspired. ‘Okay. You’re on.’ She removed another chocolate bar from her blazer pocket and handed it to Sarah. ‘Amnesty time.’ She could do this. She really could.

      ‘Chelsea told me what anniversary it is,’ Sarah said. ‘I’m so sorry. I remember it happening. You must have been quite young.’

      ‘Twelve.’

      ‘I’m here for you if ever you want to talk about it.’

      ‘Thank you. It means a lot.’ Especially since Dave clearly didn’t care.

      Back home that evening, Alison found Dave sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV, shouting at the football and guzzling lager. The house smelled of the lasagne she’d prepared the night before. Had he actually taken the initiative and put it in the oven? Wow! Wonders would never cease.

      ‘I’m home,’ she said, when he didn’t look up. ‘Did you have a good day?’

      Dave punched his fist in the air. ‘Thank you, ref! Told you that was offside.’

      She coughed loudly.

      ‘Did you get my lager?’ he asked, eyes still glued to the TV.

      ‘No. Was I supposed to?’

      ‘I texted you. Told you to get a case on your way home.’

      ‘I didn’t get a text.’

      He sat upright, jaw clenched. ‘Jesus, Ali! You’re winding me up, right?’

      She shook her head. ‘Why didn’t you go on your way home?’

      ‘Because you always do the shopping. This is my last one.’ He took a final glug from his can then crushed it and dropped it onto the threadbare carpet. ‘I can’t watch the footy without a drink.’

      She hesitated in the doorway. Stay? Go? Either way, she’d ruined his evening and he’d be in a foul mood for days. In all honesty, she couldn’t bear to be near him right now. The old Dave would have held her while she sobbed and reassured her that he was her family and he’d never leave her. But the old Dave had barely been around for the last four years.

      ‘I’ll go now if you like,’ she said, trying to sound cheerful.

      He’d already turned back to the TV. ‘Damn right you will,’ he snapped. ‘You can take the van,’ he added in a gentler tone, as though he was doing her a huge favour. ‘And you might want to get something for your tea while you’re there.’

      ‘What about the lasagne?’

      ‘I’ve eaten it.’

      Alison’s eyes widened. ‘All of it? That was four portions.’

      ‘Shoot! No! You pussy. You kick like a girl.’

      Her throat tightened. Had he forgotten or was it simply that he didn’t care anymore? She wasn’t sure which was worse.

      Thirty minutes later, Alison sat in Dave’s van in a deserted corner of the СКАЧАТЬ