Very bad English / Очень плохой English. Яна Варшавская

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      «Try to surprise me,» I said, crushing the food over the water.

      Going down to the ground floor, I asked for mail with no hope in my voice.

      «Just a letter, Tanya. But what a letter!» The duty watchman exclaimed, handing me a weighty A4 envelope.

      «Well, well…» I thought, «You did surprise me!»

      There were stamps in the upper right corner, just like expected. Remarkable stamps with large yellow flowers and the words: «I LOVE YOU!»

      Trembling from emotions suddenly surging, I opened the letter, very carefully, not yet fully believing that it was addressed to me. In any case, it would not be difficult for me to seal it, and no one would have suspected that the envelope had already been opened.

      The text of the letter was very neat, but… Good God, it's English! Yes, and it's written in block letters.

      Chapter 1

      Antipodes

      The most common misconception regarding twins is that they all have a similar fate, call their children the same names, though without exchanging a word…

      Probably, there is some truth in this. And there are thousands of examples, because they tell about such cases in popular magazines and books. But did anyone mention the dissimilar ones?

      I'm afraid it would not seem so interesting…

      Our parents decided to arrange a global experiment within a small family. I still don't get what they wanted to achieve. Apparently, there is still some reasonable explanation, but…

      We were nearly copies of each other, or at least as similar as a reflection in the mirror and the one who looks into it. My mole is coquettishly located on my right cheek, while Eva has it on her left. My sister's right eye always betrayed her with a slight squint when she thought of a trick. My left eye betrayed me just as treacherously… But this fact was known only to our inner circle.

      My sister and I studied in different classes and at birth we were given different last names. So few people at school knew that we were relatives, not to mention twins… I was the proud owner of my father's last name, while Eva carried the last name of her mother. She did not change it even when she got marriage certificate at the registry office, as she simply did not want to bother with a pile of certificates, diplomas and other documents that required replacement and waste of valuable time.

      Parents could not spoil our happy childhood with the recommendations read in Benjamin Spock's «Baby and Child Care». Thank God our Mom had enough wisdom and intuition (or intuition and wisdom) to declare this book not only harmful, but deadly. As time has shown, our mom turned out to be absolutely right.

      However, different things happen in life that fit poorly in the head of a thirteen-year-old teenagers we were at that time.

      Mom was a very beautiful, but extremely straightforward woman. She did not hide her affair at work, divorced our father and left to St. Petersburg with her Romeo. She left taking Eva with her.

      It was so dishonest, but no one asked us…

      I put all my effort and time to school. I also wrote letters.

      Paper envelopes were sent across half the country. Sometimes they crossed at the sorting centers with rare Eva's notes and flew in opposite directions. I could spend hours staring at envelopes beckoning with long journeys, examine stamps and seals, not daring to open the long-awaited letter.

      Our parents did not communicate ever since. They did not call each other or see each other. And if it weren't for the Internet, Eva and I were unlikely to ever be able to meet.

      When I saw her for the first time after the parental divorce, it seemed to me that my mirror had long since cheated on me with a different reflection… Eva looked like my opposite, a sort of Barbie doll: a good-looking blonde with my dream hair gathered in a ponytail. Impeccable dotted dress and shoes sparkling with Swarovski crystals…

      «Eva?!.» I was only able to murmur, involuntarily pulling a crumpled T-shirt and not knowing where to put my hands.

      Yes, it was a sentence. Sentence to me. Although I had long ago left my hometown and could not consult with my dad for any reason, it never came to my mind that I had matured, and could somehow work on my appearance.

      When I was a child, my father used to say that in life you need to choose the best of what is offered. For example, if it concerns education, it's clear that I chose…

      Of course, it was the best university with a renowned school and well-known professors, the most demanded faculty and, naturally, a department booming with world fame. All this was within my power. I studied easily, but then… Little depended on me alone…

      So I stayed to work in the oldest Siberian university. Following my father's recommendations, I was in no hurry to arrange my personal life, taking into account someone else's choice, not my own…

      I did not marry a widower with two children, who gave me perfumes and mountains of fruit on any occasion. Twice I refused the proposal of professor's son, who was wandering from one night club to another.

      Why is that?

      Because I was waiting for my Prince Charming. Well, you know, the one and only.

      I was not even embarrassed to live in a six-meter room in our university dormitory. After all, this is the city center, and it's much better than renting an apartment somewhere in the suburbs.

      Firstly, it saves time and money, and secondly, it gives the ability to temper your character, unless there is a natural tendency to depression or other things.

      However, as the global parental experiment showed, the unbreakable paternal theory had a stumbling block…

      Now when Eva appeared before me in full force, I realized that time had played a cruel joke on me. It was as if I saw myself from outside: jeans outstretched on my knees, black T-shirt and sneakers dreaming to rest in peace in some landfill…

      No makeup, so as not to age prematurely…

      Hairstyle? I've never had any hairstyle in my life!..

      That was our very first meeting.

      Then Eva suddenly got married, graduated from medical university and, thanks to her stepfather, got a job in a fashionable clinic. And now she brings up two boys. By the way, they are also twins!

      What an irony.

      «Taska, you look cool!» said Eva, meeting me once again at Pulkovo airport. I do not like it when she distorts my name, but this is a long-standing children's showdown.

      «I'm glad you agreed to stop by! Your next flight is in a day anyway.»

      «Is that mom's car?» I asked unconfidently, pointing to the mocha-colored Audi.

      «Yeah… Mine is under repair. How are you? How's dad?»

      «As usual. What about mom?» I asked, trying to be polite.

      «Getting younger and younger! I'm not a competitor to her. I'll take you to her if you want, without declaring war!» suggested Eva, most likely, also out of politeness.

      «Nope. СКАЧАТЬ