THE COMPLETE SHORT STORIES OF RUDYARD KIPLING: 440+ Tales in One Edition. Rudyard Kipling

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СКАЧАТЬ he, facing the silent soldiery, "lay aside your arms."

      Most of the men had dropped them already and were sitting down to smoke. "Let nothing," he added in his own tongue, "tempt you to kill these who have sought your protection."

      "Now," said Bai-Jove-Judson, on whom the last remark was lost, "will you have the goodness to explain what the deuce you mean by all this nonsense?"

      "It was of a necessitate," said the little man. "The operations of war are unconformible. I am the Governor and I operate Captain. Be'old my little sword."

      "Confound your little sword, sir. I don't want it. You've fired on our flag. You've been firing at our people here for a week, and I've been fired at coming up the river."

      "Ah! The 'Guadala'. She have misconstrued you for a slaver possibly. How are the 'Guadala'?"

      "Mistook a ship of Her Majesty's navy for a slaver! You mistake any craft for a slaver! Bai Jove, sir, I've a good mind to hang you at the yard-arm!"

      There was nothing nearer that terrible spar than the walking-stick in the rack of Judson's cabin. The Governor looked at the one mast and smiled a deprecating smile.

      "The position is embarrassment," he said. "Captain, do you think those illustrious traders burn my capital? My people will give them beer."

      "Never mind the traders, I want an explanation."

      "Hum! There are popular uprising in Europe, Captain—in my country." His eye wandered aimlessly round the horizon.

      "What has that to do with—"

      "Captain, you are very young. There is still uproariment. But!"—here he slapped his chest till his epaulets jingled—"I am loyalist to pits of all my stomachs."

      "Go on," said Judson, and his mouth quivered.

      "An order arrive to me to establish a custom-houses here, and to collect of the taximent from the traders when she are come here necessarily. That was on account of political understandings with your country and mine. But on that arrangement there was no money also. Not one damn little cowrie. I desire damnably to extend all commercial things, and why? I am loyalist and there is rebellion—yes, I tell you—Republics in my country for to just begin. You do not believe? See some time how it exist. I cannot make this custom-houses and pay the so high-paid officials. The people too in my country they say the king she has no regardance into Honour of her nation. He throw away everything—Gladstone her all, you say, pay?"

      "Yes, that's what we say," said Judson with a grin.

      "Therefore they say, let us be Republics on hot cakes. But I—I am loyalist to all my hands' ends. Captain, once I was attache at Mexico. I say the Republics are no good. The peoples have her stomach high. They desire—they desire—a course for the bills."

      "What on earth is that?"

      "The cock-fight for pay at the gate. You give something, pay for see bloody row. Do I make its comprehension?"

      "A run for their money—is that what you mean? Gad, you're sporting, Governor."

      "So I say. I am loyalist, too." He smiled more easily. "Now how can anything do herself for the customs-houses; but when the Company's mens she arrives, then a cock-fight for pay at gate that is quite correct. My army he says it will Republic and shoot me off upon walls if I have not give her blood. An army, Captain, are terrible in her angries—especialment when she are not paid. I know, too," here he laid his hand on Judson's shoulder, "I know too we are old friends. Yes! Badajos, Almeida, Fuentes d'Onor—time ever since; and a little, little cock-fight for pay at gate that is good for my king. More sit her tight on throne behind, you see? Now," he waved his hand round the decayed village, "I say to my armies, Fight! Fight the Company's men when she come, but fight not so very strong that you are any deads. It is all in the raporta that I send. But you understand, Captain, we are good friends all the time. Ah! Ciudad Rodrigo, you remember? No? Perhaps your father, then? So you see no one are deads, and we fight a fight, and it is all in the raporta, to please the people in our country, and my armies they do not put me against the walls. You see?"

      "Yes; but the 'Guadala'. She fired on us. Was that part of your game, my joker?"

      "The 'Guadala'. Ah! No, I think not. Her captain he is too big fool. But I think she have gone down the coast. Those your gunboats poke her nose and shove her oar in every place. How is 'Guadala'?"

      "On a shoal. Stuck till I take her off." "There are any deads?"

      "No."

      The Governor drew a breath of deep relief. "There are no deads here. So you see none are deads anywhere, and nothing is done. Captain, you talk to the Company's mens. I think they are not pleased."

      "Naturally."

      "They have no sense. I thought to go backwards again they would. I leave her stockade alone all night to let them out, but they stay and come facewards to me, not backwards. They did not know we must conquer much in all these battles, or the king, he is kicked off her throne. Now we have won this battle—this great battle," he waved his arms abroad, "and I think you will say so that we have won, Captain. You are loyalist also. You would not disturb to the peaceful Europe? Captain, I tell you this. Your Queen she know too. She would not fight her cousins. It is a—a hand-up thing."

      "What?"

      "Hand-up thing. Jobe you put. How you say?"

      "Put-up job?"

      "Yes. Put-up job. Who is hurt? We win. You lose. All righta?"

      Bai-Jove-Judson had been exploding at intervals for the last five minutes. Here he broke down completely and roared aloud.

      "But look here, Governor," he said at last, "I've got to think of other things than your riots in Europe. You've fired on our flag."

      "Captain, if you are me, you would have done how? And also, and also," he drew himself up to his full height, "we are both brave men of bravest countries. Our honour is the honour of our King," here he uncovered, "and of our Queen," here he bowed low. "Now, Captain, you shall shell my palace and I shall be your prisoner."

      "Skittles!" said Bai-Jove-Judson. "I can't shell that old hencoop."

      "Then come to dinner. Madeira, she are still to us, and I have of the best she manufac."

      He skipped over the side beaming, and Bai-Jove-Judson went into the cabin to laugh his laugh out. When he had recovered a little he sent Mr. Davies to the head of the Pioneers, the dusty man with the gatlings, and the troops who had abandoned the pursuit of arms watched the disgraceful spectacle of two men reeling with laughter on the quarter-deck of a gunboat.

      "I'll put my men to build him a custom-house," said the head of the Pioneers, gasping. "We'll make him one decent road at least. That Governor ought to be knighted. I'm glad now that we didn't fight 'em in the open, or we'd have killed some of them. So he's won great battles, has he? Give him the compliments of the victims, and tell him I'm coming to dinner. You haven't such a thing as a dress-suit, have you? I haven't seen one for six months."

      That evening there was a dinner in the village—a general and enthusiastic dinner, whose head was in the Governor's house, and whose tail threshed at large throughout all the streets. The Madeira was everything that the Governor had said, and more, and it was tested against two or СКАЧАТЬ