The Complete Works of F. Scott Fitzgerald: The Great Gatsby, Tender Is the Night, This Side of Paradise, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Beautiful and Damned, The Love of the Last Tycoon and many more stories…. Фрэнсис Скотт Фицджеральд

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      “Were you—pious when you were young, Kieth?” she asked. “You know what I mean. Were you religious? If you don’t mind these personal questions.”

      “Yes,” he said with his eyes still far away—and she felt that his intense abstraction was as much a part of his personality as his attention. “Yes, I suppose I was, when I was—sober.”

      Lois thrilled slightly.

      “Did you drink?”

      He nodded.

      “I was on the way to making a bad hash of things.” He smiled and, turning his gray eyes on her, changed the subject.

      “Child, tell me about mother. I know it’s been awfully hard for you there, lately. I know you’ve had to sacrifice a lot and put up with a great deal and I want you to know how fine of you I think it is. I feel, Lois, that you’re sort of taking the place of both of us there.”

      Lois thought quickly how little she had sacrificed; how lately she had constantly avoided her nervous, half-invalid mother.

      “Youth shouldn’t be sacrificed to age, Kieth,” she said steadily.

      “I know,” he sighed, “and you oughtn’t to have the weight on your shoulders, child. I wish I were there to help you.”

      She saw how quickly he had turned her remark and instantly she knew what this quality was that he gave off. He was sweet. Her thoughts went of on a side-track and then she broke the silence with an odd remark.

      “Sweetness is hard,” she said suddenly.

      “What?”

      “Nothing,” she denied in confusion. “I didn’t mean to speak aloud. I was thinking of something—of a conversation with a man named Freddy Kebble.”

      “Maury Kebble’s brother?”

      “Yes,” she said rather surprised to think of him having known Maury Kebble. Still there was nothing strange about it. “Well, he and I were talking about sweetness a few weeks ago. Oh, I don’t know—I said that a man named Howard—that a man I knew was sweet, and he didn’t agree with me, and we began talking about what sweetness in a man was: He kept telling me I meant a sort of soppy softness, but I knew I didn’t—yet I didn’t know exactly how to put it. I see now. I meant just the opposite. I suppose real sweetness is a sort of hardness—and strength.”

      Kieth nodded.

      “I see what you mean. I’ve known old priests who had it.”

      “I’m talking about young men,” she said rather defiantly.

      They had reached the now deserted baseball diamond and, pointing her to a wooden bench, he sprawled full length on the grass.

      “Are these young men happy here, Kieth?”

      “Don’t they look happy, Lois?”

      “I suppose so, but those young ones, those two we just passed—have they—are they——?

      “Are they signed up?” he laughed. “No, but they will be next month.”

      “Permanently?”

      “Yes—unless they break down mentally or physically. Of course in a discipline like ours a lot drop out.”

      “But those boys. Are they giving up fine chances outside—like you did?”

      He nodded.

      “Some of them.”

      “But Kieth, they don’t know what they’re doing. They haven’t had any experience of what they’re missing.”

      “No, I suppose not.”

      “It doesn’t seem fair. Life has just sort of scared them at first. Do they all come in so young?”

      “No, some of them have knocked around, led pretty wild lives—Regan, for instance.”

      “I should think that sort would be better,” she said meditatively, “men that had seen life.”

      “No,” said Kieth earnestly, “I’m not sure that knocking about gives a man the sort of experience he can communicate to others. Some of the broadest men I’ve known have been absolutely rigid about themselves. And reformed libertines are a notoriously intolerant class. Don’t you thank so, Lois?”

      She nodded, still meditative, and he continued:

      “It seems to me that when one weak reason goes to another, it isn’t help they want; it’s a sort of companionship in guilt, Lois. After you were born, when mother began to get nervous she used to go and weep with a certain Mrs. Comstock. Lord, it used to make me shiver. She said it comforted her, poor old mother. No, I don’t think that to help others you’ve got to show yourself at all. Real help comes from a stronger person whom you respect. And their sympathy is all the bigger because it’s impersonal.”

      “But people want human sympathy,” objected Lois. “They want to feel the other person’s been tempted.”

      “Lois, in their hearts they want to feel that the other person’s been weak. That’s what they mean by human.

      “Here in this old monkery, Lois,” he continued with a smile, “they try to get all that self-pity and pride in our own wills out of us right at the first. They put us to scrubbing floors—and other things. It’s like that idea of saving your life by losing it. You see we sort of feel that the less human a man is, in your sense of human, the better servant he can be to humanity. We carry it out to the end, too. When one of us dies his family can’t even have him then. He’s buried here under plain wooden cross with a thousand others.”

      His tone changed suddenly and he looked at her with a great brightness in his gray eyes.

      “But way back in a man’s heart there are some things he can’t get rid of—an one of them is that I’m awfully in love with my little sister.”

      With a sudden impulse she knelt beside him in the grass and, Leaning over, kissed his forehead.

      “You’re hard, Kieth,” she said, “and I love you for it—and you’re sweet.”

      III.

      Back in the reception-room Lois met a half-dozen more of Kieth’s particular friends; there was a young man named Jarvis, rather pale and delicate-looking, who, she knew, must be a grandson of old Mrs. Jarvis at home, and she mentally compared this ascetic with a brace of his riotous uncles.

      And there was Regan with a scarred face and piercing intent eyes that followed her about the room and often rested on Kieth with something very like worship. She knew then what Kieth had meant about “a good man to have with you in a fight.”

      He’s the missionary type—she thought vaguely—China or something.

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