.

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ rooms. Great. He’d called out in his sleep like a frightened child. New, waking panic gripped him at the thought. Who else had heard? Had he awakened any of the servants? Would they all be staring at him at breakfast? Whispering behind his back that the master was home and not right in his head?

      Avaline stroked his cheek with the cool back of her hand, a soft smile on her face. It felt good, comforting. He wanted her to go on touching him. Did she realise she was touching him? That they were lying side by side in bed in nothing but their nightclothes? She’d been very conscious of their closeness today in the drawing room and in the garden. Did she only touch him now out of pity? He would not take her touch of pity. Fortis closed a gentle grip around her wrist and pushed her hand away. ‘Avaline, I am not an invalid.’

      She stiffened—the rejection, though politely done, had clearly stung—but she was not defeated. ‘I know. But you are a soldier returned after a harrowing experience. You are not entirely yourself. Yet. But you will be, in time.’

      How much time? he wondered. It had been three weeks since he’d left the Crimea with Cam and it had been nearly three months since he’d walked out of the forest in July. He felt just as confused now as he had the day he’d walked into camp, the missing blocks of his memory still as jumbled, sometimes even more so after the army had filled in the missing pieces. He would have thought that would have helped, not make it worse.

      ‘Let me help,’ Avaline soothed, her hand back at his brow, and this time he let it stay, craven fool that he was. He told himself it was only because he’d gone so long without female companionship. ‘Tell me your dream.’

      ‘No.’ He would not tell her. He did not want her burdened with the horrors of his ghosts. One did not tell an angel about hell. An angel was what she was, in her white nightgown, her blonde hair loose and spilling over her shoulder and by some miracle she was his angel, one he did not deserve. He would not sully her with tales of battlefields and dead men.

      She gave a nod. ‘Then, perhaps you’ll tell Ferris or write them down.’

      ‘Perhaps I will.’ He could give her that concession. ‘I’m fine now, Avaline. You can go back to bed.’ He doubted he’d sleep the rest of the night. He seldom did once he dreamed. He’d sat up more than one night on the journey home, on the deck of the ship looking up at the stars until the sun rose. Sometimes Cam had sat with him. Cam had dreams, too. His wife, Pavia, had herbs that helped. Cam swore by them, but Fortis had been too proud to take them at the time. Now that there was Avaline to consider, he might need to rethink Pavia’s offer. He couldn’t go around assaulting his wife at night. Tonight it had just been wrestling. Heaven help her if he ever got his hands on a weapon.

      Avaline got out of bed without protest. She smoothed her nightgown, seeming flustered. Perhaps the intimacy of their situation had dawned on her. ‘I am just next door if you need anything.’

      ‘Goodnight,’ Fortis said firmly. ‘I’m fine. I’m sure it was brought on by nothing more than the rigours of recent events.’ He wanted to reassure her. ‘After all, it’s not every day a man is reunited with his family and his wife. This is nothing sleep and hard work can’t fix.’ If he was busy, it would take his mind off the past. The journey home had allowed him too much time with his own thoughts. Frederick was right. He needed to get his boots on the ground. He’d start tomorrow with a tour of the estate. He’d have Avaline show him around. A man who worked until he was exhausted didn’t have time for nightmares. He would show her his strength. He would not be a burden to her. Most of all, he would make sure she wasn’t sorry he’d come home.

      * * *

      He’d dismissed her! Avaline sat down hard on the edge of her bed, sorry she’d ever raced to his side. His cries had awakened her. They’d been dreadful in their desperation, the sounds of a man who’d reached the edges of his sanity and was about to lose hold. In her haste to comfort him, she’d forgotten everything including Ferris’s warning. She’d raced recklessly to his side, her one thought being that no one should be so tortured. Her empathy had not been enough armour.

      She’d not been prepared for what she’d encountered; a raging bear of a man whose mind had seen her as an enemy. He’d attacked the moment she’d touched him, his war-taut body tight-sprung. She’d been no match for his strength. She’d found herself beneath him, crushed between the hardness of his body and the mattress, and when she had managed to wake him, he’d not been glad to see her. No matter how polite he’d tried to be about it, the message was still the same. He’d sent her away as soon as he could.

      Avaline lit the lamp beside her bed and picked up a book. She wasn’t likely to sleep any time soon. Her mind was too full of disappointment. She hadn’t realised how much hope she’d inadvertently put into his words from the garden today. He’d said he wanted a real marriage and, despite her best attempts not to, she’d wanted to believe him.

      But in a real marriage, husbands and wives told each other everything: the good, the bad, their hopes and their fears. Tonight, he hadn’t been able to tell her his dream. Tonight, he’d turned her away when she’d brought comfort. Tonight in his room was not that different from the last time she’d been in there...

      * * *

       ‘You’re going out?’ Avaline stood in the doorway connecting their two rooms. She’d not been in his room since he’d taken up residence. It seemed empty, devoid of personality, and he hadn’t even left yet. But he was already packed. His trunk stood strapped and ready for departure in the corner. She had the sudden sensation that maybe he’d never unpacked.

       Fortis turned from the mirror where he was straightening his stock. ‘Yes. You needn’t wait up for me. The boys and I are going to make a night of it at the tavern in the village. One last hurrah before I am off again to parts unknown. You understand. It will be ages before I see them again.’

       ‘But you leave tomorrow,’ Avaline stammered her protest. What about her? It would be ages before he saw her again, too. ‘I thought we could have supper together, just the two of us.’ She’d had the cook prepare all his favourites: jugged hare, fresh vegetables and bread. They hadn’t had an evening alone since their wedding, three weeks ago. Every night had been filled with a never-ending round of dinners given in the newlyweds’ honour in lieu of there being time for a proper wedding trip.

       What there hadn’t been time for was getting to know her new husband, but she seemed to be the only one bothered by this. Fortis appeared perfectly happy with the arrangement and, if he’d expected to spend his leave in bed with his new bride, he gave no indication he was disappointed it had turned out otherwise. After the dinners, he’d sent her home alone while he’d gone out with his friends. Tonight was her last chance to make up for whatever failings he might have found in her on their wedding night.

       ‘I’ll wait up. We can have a nightcap together.’ Avaline tried once more.

       ‘No need. As I said, the boys and I will likely make a night of it. I’ll be home with the sun, long enough to get my trunk. The train leaves at eight.’ He was all brisk efficiency, not a single note of remorse in his tone.

       ‘Perhaps you might manage a goodbye kiss if you can spare the time,’ Avaline said testily, her anger and disappointment getting the better of her. She hadn’t known what to expect of marriage, but she hadn’t expected to be disregarded.

       Her tone got his attention at last. ‘Avaline, are you going to act like a spoiled child?’ He shook his head in a mild gesture of despair. ‘I told my parents you were too young. But they insisted. СКАЧАТЬ