Bonds of Love. Sarah K

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СКАЧАТЬ few. Some straight and some –’ I glanced over my shoulder at the other customers who were sitting no more than a couple of feet away from us, busily tucking into their own food. This was really not the place to go into the finer points of BDSM dating.

      ‘Not so straight,’ Alex suggested with a grin, catching my eye and, I suspect, my discomfort.

      ‘Exactly, and it’s been fun. I’ve met some really great people and some interesting ones and –’

      ‘And ones that developed into a relationship?’

      I nodded. ‘Yes. Just the one.’

      ‘So far,’ Alex added with a smile.

      ‘Yes, so far,’ I conceded. ‘My last relationship, his name was Max and I met him online on the same site where you found my profile.’

      ‘And is this the one that was complicated?’

      I nodded. ‘I’m glad you were listening. Yes, it was complicated, but it was also wonderful – really good. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.’

      ‘But it ended?’

      ‘I ended it,’ I said, and turned my attention back to my lunch.

      I could see Alex watching my face, a clear invitation that he wanted to hear more, but I wasn’t ready to tell him about Max and most certainly not in a crowded chip shop at the seaside.

      ‘Long story,’ I said, after a moment or two’s silence. ‘It’s probably best saved for another time. How about you?’ I asked.

      ‘I’ve met a few women from the site we met on.’ He looked round at the two plump elderly women sitting behind me, both cheerfully devouring their cod and chips and apparently oblivious to our conversation. ‘Although I have done some online dating before. Tell you what,’ he said. ‘How do you fancy going for a walk once we’ve finished these? It might be easier to talk?’

      Clearly he was right, but I hesitated before agreeing. Among my rules about internet dating is not putting myself in a situation where I’m alone with my date or away from other people.

      I glanced out of the café window. Although it was late spring and the wind was fresh as it whipped in from the sea, there were quite a few people about, all well wrapped up against the cold, some of them walking dogs, some watching the boats bobbing about in the harbour, some just out for a stroll. Busy enough to be safe, I decided.

      ‘Okay,’ I said.

      This meeting with Alex was very different from my first meeting with Max. When Max and I had met he had sent me a set of very precise instructions about how he wanted me to dress on our first date, and all kinds of formal terms and conditions about the nature of our relationship. When I’d asked Alex about what he wanted me to wear he’d said, ‘Wear anything you want; I just want to meet you and get to know you. See how we get along. For me, it’s about who you are, not whether you’ve got a mini-skirt and high heels on – although I like both of those things.’

      So I’d taken Alex at his word and worn trousers and boots, which would have been a total no-no for Max, whose rules included my body being totally available to him whenever he wanted – so no bra, no knickers and stockings and suspenders or thigh-highs had been my standard subbie uniform, even in public, for all the time we were together, certainly not skinny jeans and boots.

      For Max, who I was was important too, but the fact that I was prepared – from the very start – to do as he told me was also very important. Like I said, chalk and cheese.

      I also realised that I had quite liked the rules and formality of Max’s approach as a Dom. It had been great training for someone with no experience of submission, and I wondered how I would deal with someone new who seemed to have a much more relaxed approach. When we had finished eating Alex gathered up the debris from our lunch, dropped it in the bin and then offered me his arm.

      ‘So,’ he said, as we set off along the promenade, ‘are you going to tell me about Max?’

      ‘You first,’ I said.

      ‘What do you want to know about me?’

      ‘Everything,’ I said.

      ‘Okay, but you realise I’m expecting this to be reciprocal?’

      I nodded.

      ‘Okay. Do you fancy an ice cream?’ he said, as we passed a brightly painted booth. ‘How about we have a ninety-nine?’

      I laughed. An ice-cream cone with a chocolate flake in it was hardly part of the lunch with a sophisticated Dom-about-town that I had envisaged. ‘Come on,’ Alex said, taking my hand and guiding me over to the window. ‘It’s been years since I’ve had one.’ He glanced into the kiosk. ‘Oh my God, look, they’ve got sprinkles!’ he said, turning round and grinning at me.

      How I could I possibly resist?

      ‘So,’ he said, as we walked away with a huge ice cream each, complete with flakes and enough hundreds and thousands to sink a battleship. ‘BDSM. I was probably in my mid-twenties when I started to fantasise about tying women up and doing all sorts of weird and wonderful things to them while they were helpless. I’d had the thoughts before, but that was when I first realised that I wanted to turn it into a reality.’ Before he went into any more detail Alex glanced at me as if to gauge my reaction.

      I’d been there. I knew how hard it was to voice those secret desires that don’t just excite you, but also make you feel ashamed of what you’re thinking and feeling and wanting, and make you anxious about the way your mind works. We all have different values and ideas about sexual behaviour, but I think most of us would concede that what constitutes normal when it comes to foreplay doesn’t usually involve tying up your sexual partner or putting them over your knee and spanking them.

      ‘Unsurprisingly, I kept the fantasies to myself,’ he said. ‘I’d just got engaged to my girlfriend, Lucy, and had booked us a weekend away to celebrate. There was a four-poster bed in our room and all I could think about was how much I’d like to tie her to it, spreadeagled, blindfolded. We met first of all when we were at university but hadn’t really got together until a couple of years later when some friends set us up. Lucy was fabulous, but sex really wasn’t her big thing. I mean, she liked it, and I’m sure if I’d asked her she would have played along, but at the time I felt it was not the sort of thing you did with your wife-to-be.’ Alex laughed. ‘I know times have changed, but neither of us were that adventurous back then. And I wanted her not just to put up with it but enjoy it too – for me that was what it was about. Mutual enjoyment, fun, some experimenting.

      ‘I used to travel a lot even then; I’d seen all sorts of magazines and been to a couple of clubs with guys from work, but at the time it really never occurred to me that there were nice women out there who felt the same way as I did and wanted to be on the receiving end.’

      Alex smiled. ‘I like the idea of being able to touch and play unhindered, but –’ He paused. ‘What I wanted was for the woman I was with to enjoy it too, to be complicit in the game. That was never going to happen with Lucy, so it became this dark secret, this need that I thought about and worked fantasies around but never put into practice. It wasn’t like I wanted to torture anyone though,’ he said quickly, and then he grinned when he saw that I hadn’t flinched or run СКАЧАТЬ