Who’s That Girl?: A laugh-out-loud sparky romcom!. Mhairi McFarlane

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       5

      Louis’s unusually twitchy demeanour did nothing to make Edie less panicked. She hoped against hope he’d sail in and say, It’s blown over, what are you doing up here?

      She let him pass, walking on weak, pipe cleaner legs and re-locked the door behind him, as if there really was a murderer loose in The Swan. Louis surveyed her as if suddenly in the presence of a notorious individual. He put his hands on his hips, under his suit jacket.

      ‘Er. So. What the HELL happened?’

      ‘Oh God, what’s everyone saying happened?!’ Edie wailed.

      ‘Jack and Charlotte,’ Louis paused, unable to keep himself from the stagey pause, as if he was announcing the winner on a talent show, ‘they’ve split up.’

      Edie gasped and sat back down on the edge of the bed, to steady herself. She was trembling, almost juddering. She knew she’d ruined their wedding day. But to cause them to separate, during it? It didn’t seem feasible. It wasn’t a thing that could happen.

      ‘This can’t be real,’ she mumbled.

      ‘Charlotte’s gone back to her parents’ house,’ Louis said, enjoying himself now. ‘And Jack’s somewhere here I think, holed up with a bottle of whisky and his stag-do lads. There was a screaming match, total hysteria. It was chaos. Charlotte threw her wedding ring at him.’

      Edie closed her eyes and held on to a bed post with a clammy palm, as the room swam and shifted. ‘What are they saying about me?’

      ‘That Charlotte caught you together. That you’ve been having an affair.’

      ‘We haven’t been having an affair!’

      ‘What happened then?’ Louis said.

      It was the first time Edie had recounted it out loud and she hesitated.

      ‘I went into the garden and … he kissed me. Just for a moment.’

      ‘Wait, are you saying you weren’t shagging?’

      Edie’s jaw fell open. ‘Shagging? No?! Of course not! How could we have been … Are you winding me up?’

      ‘Some people are saying you were, you know. At it. Or on the way to being at it.’

      Edie knew Louis was prone to exaggeration and amping up drama but she had no way of telling if this was what he was doing. She could well imagine the Chinese whispers were out of control. As if the truth wasn’t terrible enough.

      ‘We were only a few yards from the hotel!’

      ‘Yeah, I did think that’s more the sort of encounter that happens on a car bonnet, after midnight. And usually, y’know. Not with the groom. So he kissed you?’

      Edie nodded.

      ‘But you are having an affair, yeah?’

      ‘No!’

      Oh God, this was agony. Everyone thinking the last thing she’d want them to think, ever. If she could be granted the option of being forced to streak, instead of this kind of exposure, she might just take it.

      ‘Erm, OK, darl. So out of the blue, Jack was like, “Are you enjoying my wedding day oh and also my tongue”?’

      ‘He started saying I meant a lot as a friend, he was very pissed I think, and the next minute he’s kissing me.’

      ‘And you didn’t kiss him back?’

      ‘No! Hardly. I mean, I was shocked.’

      ‘Mmm. Kind of odd you were hanging around out there alone? How did he find you? Sure you hadn’t texted him?’

      ‘I’d gone to take a photo. I can show you the photo!’ Edie waved her phone at him. ‘Also, no texts on here!’ As if there’d be a court case, and she could put her phone in a Ziploc evidence bag. It was the court of public opinion. She’d do much better from the former kind of trial.

      ‘Louis, think about it,’ Edie pleaded. ‘Why today, of all days, would I try to get off with him?’

      ‘Why would he try something like this, out of nowhere? You’re leaving something out, Edie. You must be.’

      ‘We messaged at work. Chatted. That was all. We were friends. Nothing more.’

      ‘You flirted?’

      ‘A bit. I suppose.’

      She couldn’t give Louis nothing and get his vote, she knew that. He chewed his bottom lip, weighing things up.

      ‘… I believe you. I think you’re going to have a problem getting anyone else to believe you, though. The rumours are halfway around Harrogate and the truth doesn’t have its boots on. Also …’

      Louis’s pause made Edie’s eyes bulge. ‘What?!’

      He lowered his voice.

      ‘There’s only two people who are going to be blamed here: you and Jack. He’s the kind of guy who falls into a pit of shit and comes out wearing a gold watch. Not to sound cold, but you need a PR strategy. You have to let people know it was him who did this, not you.’

      ‘How do I do that?’

      ‘I’ll do what I can,’ Louis said, magnanimously. ‘You should think about that though. We work in advertising. Do crisis management for your brand.’

      Edie СКАЧАТЬ