A Dark Secret: Part 3 of 3. Casey Watson

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СКАЧАТЬ leaned back too, touched by both the gesture and the logic. ‘Sam, love, can you tell me why you don’t want to see your auntie Maureen?’

      ‘I do want to see her,’ he said, crying now. ‘But I told you. I can’t go back!’

      He scrambled off the bed then, out of the room, and across the landing to his own room. The door slammed. Then silence. I got up and followed him. What on earth?

      I knocked softly on the door. ‘Sam?’

      ‘Go away! I hate you!’ came the answer.

      My thoughts floundering, I hovered at the door for a few moments in case I heard evidence of things being thrown around. I really didn’t know what to make of it all. Was this connected to his autism? No, I doubted it. More likely – most likely – simply a fear of returning. Which was, after all, a perfectly rational response. We had probably been naïve in imagining he’d be okay with it. To be so close to the place where he’d been abused by this nameless ‘bad man’ would, after all, be an enormous challenge for him.

I headed back downstairs, deep in thought, having a major rethink on what we’d organised. I’d clearly been labouring under a misapprehension. That to spend time with his neighbour – who, admittedly, he didn’t seem to have any issue with – would, or at least could, become a positive in his life.

      Instead it seemed as if the idea had plunged him off a new emotional cliff. He’d been coping with his traumas by living completely in the moment, and here we were, trying to force him back to the horrors of the past. Perhaps we needed to think again.

      But with less than forty-eight hours to go, what were the chances of finding alternative care for him? And even if we did, wouldn’t dumping him with a stranger (which is how he’d see it, no question) just make everything one hundred per cent worse? No, it seemed to me that we had only two choices now. Either we took him to the wedding with us, or I stayed at home. Which I’d obviously have to run past Mike once he was home.

      Though I already knew what his thinking would be. So while Sam stayed in his room – where I was happy to leave him, given that he had a lot to try and process – I went rootling in the spare room for something smart for him to wear.

      But if I’d been surprised by Sam’s reaction (albeit less so once I’d thought about it) I was even more surprised, when he appeared later that afternoon, by just how much thinking he had clearly been doing as well.

      Tyler was home by now, and the pair of us were sitting in the kitchen, having a catch-up about the vagaries of our respective days.

‘Alright, mate?’ Tyler said to Sam as he hovered in the kitchen doorway.

      ‘Cool,’ Sam replied, then turned immediately to me. ‘Casey,’ he asked, ‘if I go to auntie Maureen’s, how many stars will I earn?’

      His look was open and guileless, and because the question was so unexpected, I dithered for a bit before deciding how best to answer. This was such a U-turn and I wasn’t sure quite where it had come from. Or, more importantly, where it might be headed. The last thing I wanted was to drag him there against his will, if to do so would set him back emotionally.

      ‘Hmm …’ I said, pretending to calculate, but I dithered so long that Tyler clearly felt obliged to answer for me. It was only a matter of seconds but they had obviously seemed to stretch.

      ‘Oh, a lot, I should think,’ he said. ‘Ten, you reckon, Mum? Twenty? What’s the plan, mate?’ he added. ‘Are you saving stars for something special?’

      Sam nodded. ‘But it’s a secret.’ He looked at me once again. ‘And Casey,’ he added, ‘if I go to auntie Maureen’s, can it just be for the daytime? So I’m not gone too long? Maybe Sampson could collect me and bring me home again? I’ll be a good boy till you’re back again, I promise.’

Home again. It made my heart melt. But what was this all about? And was that the answer? To bite the bullet and just drive up and back on the day? I’d yet to speak to Mike, of course, but I’d pretty much decided now that Sam would simply come with us after all. That I’d ask the B&B we’d booked into if they had a put-you-up bed he could sleep on, next to Tyler.

      ‘Love, we can’t leave you home alone. And, you know, I thought you could perhaps come with us after all. I have to speak to Mike, but –’

      ‘No, it’s fine,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ll be a good boy and go to auntie Maureen’s, and earn lots of stars.’

      He really had thought all this through. He was bargaining with me.

      ‘Well, as I say, love, I’ll have to speak to Mike,’ I said. ‘Let’s see when he gets home, shall we?’

      He nodded. Emphatically. Straight-backed, like a little soldier. ‘It’s fine,’ he said again. ‘Auntie Maureen will look after me.’

      ‘Of course she will,’ I agreed.

      ‘And I’ll be good, and she’ll play with me. She likes playing with me. She has painting stuff and dinky cars and Lego and all sorts.’ And with that little pronouncement, he trotted across the kitchen. ‘Look, Tyler,’ he said, ‘have you seen how many stars I’ve got? And now I’m going to earn even more. Are there any difficult jobs for me to do, Casey?’

Sam loved his ‘difficult’ jobs – particularly sorting the recycling. But I wasn’t quite so keen on the difficult job I had myself. To decide whether to take Sam at his word. It was just gone eight, and growing dark, and as I pulled the living-room curtains, I was still trying to fathom what was happening in Sam’s head. What had changed. Because something clearly had. Since he’d made his pronouncement, he’d become really chatty about auntie Maureen, describing the games they’d played, the songs they’d sung, the TV programmes they’d watched together, the fairy cakes they’d made and the deliciousness of her lemon buns. Had having time to reflect made him realise he missed her? Had that overridden his fear of re-visiting a place that was so close to his former home?

      But then there were the stars, and the secret. I really didn’t know what to make of it.

      ‘Well, I don’t know what to make of it either,’ Mike said, rubbing a hand over his stubble. ‘He clearly has a plan on, but what? And why? What’s his motivation? Perhaps we should just forget the whole thing and take him with us after all.’

      ‘I wish I could decide what’s best,’ I said. ‘Because he really seems keen to go now. I’m just really anxious now about him being away from us overnight. What if he has one of his night terrors? I think I might call Christine tomorrow. And maybe Colin, too. Get their perspective on it.’

‘I doubt they’ll have anything to offer that we haven’t already considered, love. It’s your instinct I trust, so whatever you decide is fine by me. And I’m genuinely happy to go up and back in a day if you decide that’s best.’ He grinned. ‘Look on the bright side, it’ll spare the kids the embarrassment of my dad-dancing, won’t it? And it’ll spare you one of your epic Prosecco headaches. And don’t look at me like that. Because that’s exactly what you will have.’

      He was right. I rarely drank, so when I did, I always suffered. And I knew my sister would egg me on, too. ‘Or maybe we do just take him.’

      ‘As I say, it’s up to you, love. On recent evidence, for what it’s worth, I think he’ll be fine at the СКАЧАТЬ