If They Knew: The latest crime thriller book you must read in 2018. Joanne Sefton

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СКАЧАТЬ had a mammogram … They’ve found a lump.’

      *

      It was twenty minutes after the call ended when Alys and Barney came tumbling down the stairs. Helen was still sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by their leftovers. The phone was by her side and she was dabbing her eyes with her knuckles. Barney wobbled on his tiptoes to get the box of tissues from the windowsill before placing it on the table by her elbow. She went to take one but the box was empty – he must not have realised – so she kissed his gorgeous chestnut hair and tried to keep her voice steady to ask him to fetch some toilet paper instead. She hated that they were seeing her like this.

      ‘Mummy? Are you sad because of Daddy?’ Barney asked, frowning as he handed over a streamer of toilet roll.

      ‘No, my love, don’t worry.’ Helen shook her head. ‘That was Granddad. He was phoning to tell us that your Nana Barbara is ill. She might be very ill, and that’s why I’m sad.’

      ‘I’m sad too,’ said Barney, looking relieved.

      ‘We’ll have to go and visit them,’ Helen said, attempting a smile. ‘You’ll both like that, won’t you? A trip up north? You can see Granddad Adam and Nana Chris while we’re there.’

      Alys spoke at last. ‘Daddy come too?’

      ‘I don’t think so, lovely.’ Helen bent to kiss her, which allowed her to hide the fresh tears from Barney. She could smell the jam around her daughter’s mouth. ‘But we’ll tell him we’re going. And you’ll be able to talk to him on the phone.’

      ‘But we’re staying with Daddy on Friday,’ said Barney, in his matter-of-fact way. His small brow wrinkled and Helen caught her own father’s frown in his expression. ‘We’re all going to Gambado.’

      ‘You are, are you now?’

      Darren had only moved out six weeks ago and already it seemed he was resorting to indoor-adventure-play bribery. That’d be hurting him in the wallet. And did Barney’s ‘we’re all’ include Lauren? She felt a tension flicker start up by her left eye.

      ‘Gam-ba-do, Gam-ba-do!’ Alys was echoing her brother, her voice full of wonder. Gambado might enchant them now, but it surely wouldn’t be long before the stakes were upped to Euro Disney, then Florida. Anger at bloody Darren flared inside her.

      ‘Well, now that Nana’s ill, I’m afraid Gambado might have to wait for another day. Barney, will you take Alys upstairs please. I have to phone your father.’ She realised she’d never called him ‘your father’ before he left; how quickly they were turning into one of those ex-couples.

       Neil

      He held the phone in his hand for a good minute or so after Helen had hung up. Even after all these years, he still ached for his daughter like a missing limb. He just needed a moment.

      Once he’d gathered himself, he’d go back through to the living room, where Barbara would be doing the crossword or sudoku; denial tap-tapping from her pen as she drummed it on the newspaper, fingertips dancing under the shadow of her neat, treacherous breasts.

      He put the handset back into its cradle and opened the living room door.

      ‘Shall I put a brew on, love?’

      She nodded towards the cup at her elbow, her hands not even slowing.

      ‘No, thanks. I didn’t finish the other one, and it’s barely cold.’

      ‘Right.’ He paused in the doorway. ‘Do you mind if I sit with you?’

      ‘Why would I mind, you daft bugger?’

      He took a few steps, crossing the floor towards her, then reached out a hand to take the paper from her.

      ‘What are you doing? I’m about to get one.’

      ‘Put it down, love, eh? Just for a minute.’

      She sighed, but did as he asked, laying the paper and pen to one side and folding her arms. He sat down beside her and placed a hand on her knee, half expecting her to brush it away.

      ‘I told our Helen.’

      ‘But we agreed we weren’t going to worry her.’

      Neil shook his head. ‘We were wrong, love. I know what we said, but—’

      ‘Well, if you’ve done it then you’ve done it.’ She cut him off briskly and went to pick up her pen again. Neil pushed her hand gently down.

      ‘Barbara …’ his voice was shuddering, ‘… oh God, Barbara. You know I love you so, so much.’

      To his surprise, she turned in to him and opened her arms to hold him.

      ‘And I love you, Neil. Always.’

      After their embrace, he slipped an arm around her shoulders and she leant in against him, although she’d picked up the paper again, making a show of concentrating on her little scribbled sums. Her shoulders felt narrow, almost bony, and he pictured the cancer already leaching her strength, growing with parasitical single-mindedness.

      ‘I love you,’ he said again, almost apologetically.

      ‘So you said. And you’ll have plenty of time to say it again, whatever happens.’

      ‘I know.’

      He counted to ten in his head.

      ‘Barbara?’

      ‘What?’

      ‘I love you!’

      He peered over the newspaper, wondering if she’d laugh or just glare at him, but the look in her eyes was one of pity. His own laugh caught in his throat.

      Surely Barbara was the one more in need of sympathy? But then his wife had never been one to conform to expectations.

       Helen

      The drive from London to Lancashire was a total nightmare. They sat in solid traffic for much of the way up the M6, even though it was only Thursday. Alys mostly slept, but Barney barely closed his eyes at all and whined about everything, from the dropped toy he couldn’t reach, to the fact that Helen wouldn’t turn up the sound on his DVD, to the abandoned trip to Gambado that she thought he’d forgotten about. When they finally arrived at her parents’ house, Helen had a pounding headache and a voice hoarse from singing ‘Wheels on the Bus’.

      ‘You do look very pale, Helen,’ said Barbara, on the doorstep, as though Helen was the one who was ill.

      Helen scrutinised her mother carefully. She looked the same. Quite a tall woman, she still stood poker-straight, with her hair neatly coiled into the tight bun that Helen couldn’t remember seeing her without, and her brown eyes that always seemed to be somewhere else. While superficially nothing had changed, Helen could see that she’d lost weight, and Barbara had never had that much to spare. Her collarbones looked coat-hangerish and her hands, which were on the large side, looked even more out of proportion. There was a trace of a shadow around her eyes, СКАЧАТЬ