Billion-Dollar Brain. Len Deighton

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       7

      The West London Air Terminal is stainless steel and glass, like a modern corned-beef factory. Passengers are felled, bled, eviscerated and packed firmly into buses, watched by men with wheelbarrows and dirty boots and red-eyed girls who pat their hairdos and tear up coloured pieces of paper.

      A resonant female voice began the count-down on the bus departure and at the last moment Jean decided to ride out to the airport with me. The airport bus contained the driver, Jean, myself and nine other passengers all but one being male. In the bus baggage compartment were twelve cases of medium size, one hat-box, three paper-wrapped parcels, one hessian-wrapped box, one document case, three sets of skis (in presses and complete with sticks), one set of which were slalom skis, and a small hamper containing samples of ladies’ shoes.

      It was a good haul for the thief who hi-jacked the whole lot of it. In my case was the electrically heated box of eggs.

      The morning flight to Stockholm and Helsinki was delayed by ninety-seven minutes. By that time the skis and two bags were recovered, but neither were mine. Because I thought I might be under surveillance by parties unknown, LAP Special Branch questioned the only witness of the theft that could be found – an LAP police constable named Blair – and delivered this transcript of his account to me on the aeroplane.

      Transcript from tape-band. Police Constable Blair in conversation with Det. Sgt Smith, Special Branch LAP.

      Det. Sgt Smith: We are particularly interested in the man you saw this morning and so I am recording now in order to make a transcript that will keep your descriptions on record. Don’t give your answers in a formal way, don’t hesitate to correct anything after you have said it and don’t hurry; we have plenty of tape. Tell me first what drew your attention to this particular man.

      PC Blair: He seemed very strong. He was working harder than I’ve seen any of the porters ever work (laughter). He sort of um lifted the um cases over into the van one in each hand. He did the whole load in about six journeys across the pavement.

      Det. Sgt Smith: Tell me what he said when he saw you watching.

      PC Blair: Well er like I told you he er I didn’t don’t er remember exactly the words he used but it was something like ‘How’s about a go at the old winter sporting’ but it was more American than that.

      Det. Sgt Smith: Did you take him for an American?

      PC Blair: No I told you I didn’t.

      (4 seconds silence)

      Det. Sgt Smith: (indistinguishable) … the tape.

      PC Blair: He had a Cockney accent but he tried to talk with an American accent.

      Det. Sgt Smith: And the words.

      PC Blair: And the words he used were an American expression. Yes. I can’t …

      Det. Sgt Smith: No matter. Go on about his appearance.

      PC Blair: He was about medium height. Five ten, nine, about.

      Det. Sgt Smith: Clothes?

      PC Blair: He wore white overalls with a red badge here.

      Det. Sgt Smith: (indistinguishable)

      PC Blair: White overalls with a red badge over his left breast pocket. The overalls were dirty and so were his other clothes and that.

      Det. Sgt Smith: Describe his other clothes.

      PC Blair: He had a striped tie with a tinny sort of er cheap pin thing pinned into it like er pin. He er (4 seconds silence)

      Det. Sgt Smith: Don’t hurry.

      PC Blair: Had this funny hair, funny mousy-coloured hair.

      Det. Sgt Smith: How was it funny do you mean?

      PC Blair: It wasn’t a wig or anything but it was funny and after he had leaned over the van he touched his hair like er women do when they look into a glass.

      Det. Sgt Smith: How do you know it wasn’t false?

      PC Blair: Well there’s a man who goes to a pub I know who has false hair and you can tell here (pause) where his hair sprouts (laughter) at his forehead.

      Det. Sgt Smith: You decided that he wasn’t wearing false hair after looking at his hair-line front and neck.

      PC Blair: Yes. (long pause) I think. I think he was just a bit er vain about his hair. I think that’s all it was.

      Det. Sgt Smith: Would you tell me about his face again?

      PC Blair: Well he was a bit pale and he had these sort of er terrible sort of bad teeth and that. And a pair of black rim National Health type glasses.

      Det. Sgt Smith: Tell me as you told me before.

      PC Blair: His breath smelling?

      Det. Sgt Smith: Yes.

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