13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Amy Morin
Чтение книги онлайн.
Читать онлайн книгу 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do - Amy Morin страница 13
Название: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
Автор: Amy Morin
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Общая психология
isbn: 9780008105945
isbn:
Do any of the above examples sound familiar? Although circumstances can change quickly, humans often change at a much slower pace. Choosing to do something different requires you to adapt your thinking and your behavior, which will likely bring up some uncomfortable emotions. But that doesn’t mean you should shy away from change.
Why We Shy away from Change
Initially, Richard tried to change too much too fast and he quickly became overwhelmed. Whenever he thought, This is going to be too hard, he allowed himself to give up. As soon as he began seeing some positive results, however, his thoughts became more positive and it was easier for him to stay motivated. Many people shy away from change because they think that doing something different is too risky or uncomfortable.
Types of Change
We can experience different types of change, some you might find easier than others:
• All-or-nothing change—Some changes are incremental while others are basically all or nothing. Deciding to have a child, for example, isn’t something you can do in steps. Once you have that baby, your life has irrevocably changed.
• Habit change—You can choose to either get rid of bad habits, like sleeping too late, or you can choose to create good habits, like exercising five times a week. Most habit changes allow you to try something new for a little while, but you can always revert back to your old habits.
• Trying-something-new change—Change sometimes involves trying something new or mixing up your daily routine, like volunteering at a hospital or taking violin lessons.
• Behavioral change—Sometimes there are behavioral changes that don’t necessarily constitute a habit. For example, maybe you want to commit to going to all of your child’s sports games or maybe you want to behave friendlier.
• Emotional change—Not all change is tangible. Sometimes it’s emotional. For example, if you want to feel less irritable all the time, you’ll need to examine the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to your irritability.
• Cognitive change—There may be ways in which you want to change your thinking as well. Perhaps you want to think less about the past or maybe decrease worrisome thoughts.
Readiness for Change
New Year’s resolutions are commonly broken, because we try to make changes based on a date and not because we’re really ready. And if you aren’t ready to create change, you likely won’t be successful at maintaining it. Even changing one small habit, like deciding you’ll floss your teeth every day or giving up your bedtime snack, requires a certain level of commitment.
The Five Stages of Change
1. Precontemplation—When people are precontemplative, they don’t yet identify any need to change. Richard was precontemplative about making any changes to his health for years. He avoided going to the doctor, he refused to step on a scale, and he dismissed any comments his wife made when she expressed concern about his health.
2. Contemplation—People who are actively contemplative are considering the pros and cons of making a change. When I first saw Richard, he was contemplative. He was aware that not changing his eating habits could have serious consequences, but he was also not yet certain how to go about creating change.
3. Preparation—This is the stage where people prepare to make a change. They establish a plan with concrete steps that identify what they are going to do differently. Once Richard moved into the preparation stage, he scheduled days to work out and chose one snack to swap for something healthier.
4. Action—This is where the concrete behavioral change takes place. Richard started going to the gym and swapped his afternoon cookies for carrots.
5. Maintenance—This often overlooked step is essential. Richard needed to plan ahead so he could maintain his lifestyle changes when he faced obstacles, like holidays or vacations.
Fear
When I met Andrew, he was stuck in a low-paying job that didn’t challenge him. He had a college degree—and the student loans to prove it—but he was working in a field that didn’t use any of his skills. There was little opportunity for advancement.
A few months prior to our first session, he’d gotten into a car accident. Not only was his car totaled, but he’d racked up some hefty medical bills. He was underinsured in terms of both his health and his vehicle, and he was experiencing serious financial problems.
Despite feeling a lot of stress about his financial situation, Andrew was afraid to apply for new jobs. He worried that he might not like a different job, and he lacked confidence in his skills. He also dreaded the thought of getting used to a new office, a new boss, and different coworkers.
СКАЧАТЬ