Street Kid Fights On: She thought the nightmare was over. Judy Westwater

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       Chapter Four

      After that Roger took me with him almost everywhere he went. I couldn’t quite believe that I had a boyfriend. I felt like an actress playing a part. But this, I told myself, is what it must be like to be normal. It seemed very abstract, like a strange kind of dream.

      Roger was handsome and we had a lot in common. We both enjoyed the atmosphere at Belle Vue and shared the excitement of being daredevils. Most of the time we nipped off and went on a ride if we had a spare hour here or there. We didn’t ride on the rollercoaster – none of the fairground people ever did – because the maintenance guys told us it wasn’t sound and there had been some horrible accidents.

      Instead we rode the dodgems, the caterpillar ride or the carousel. Sometimes we’d pop in and see friends on other shows – such as Kiki and Pepe, who had a children’s zoo with miniature, black poodles that were trained to have picnics or push each other around in a toy pram.

      This kind of easy acceptance was a dream to me. Sleeping on the cold floor of a shack in an alleyway when I was homeless I used to make up stories about falling in love, having a family and being married with kids of my own. It kept me going through the long, cold, sleepless nights when I was shivering and ravenous. If I hadn’t eaten for days I’d imagine sitting down to a family meal or even serving up food to my own children. The raw material for these fantasies came from films that I had sneaked into at the drive-in movies. I particularly loved Three Coins in a Fountain and Mardi Gras with Pat Boone. The stories I conjured up were about a perfect life in which everything worked out for me.

      Now, with Roger, at least some of these fantasies seemed to be coming true. When he kissed me I felt almost completely overwhelmed and when we went away touring, I couldn’t wait to get back to see him again. But it wasn’t quite as rosy as the Hollywood-tinged storylines that had brightened the dark midnight hours when I was sleeping rough. The way he spoke to me sometimes made me feel totally inadequate, as though I wasn’t as good as him, but I always thought this was my fault because I felt so separate from everything and everyone. Intimacy of all kinds was completely new and I blamed myself for not managing to make things truly perfect.

      One Sunday Roger took me out on a surprise date after the afternoon performance. I had no idea where we were going and he refused to tell me. We took a bus to the suburbs and on the way Roger eyed my outfit critically, adjusting the collar of my blouse. A few minutes later we got off in Wythenshawe. Without saying a word, Roger turned down a street and I followed obediently. He stopped outside a brick council house and stubbed out his cigarette.

      ‘Right,’ he said, taking me by the hand.

      I had no idea what I was walking into.

      Inside, his whole family was assembled for a meal. The room was chock-a-block. My life so far had been almost entirely solitary and I couldn’t have imagined so many people living together in such close quarters. All nine of his siblings were there that day. Roger’s mother, a tiny woman with lively eyes, invited me in.

      ‘Hello Judy,’ she said, looking me up and down. ‘Roger has told us all about you.’

      Roger stared at his feet and I suddenly worried that I might not measure up. I wished I had had a chance to prepare. Then his father came over. He was a beanpole of a man and must have towered at least a foot over his wife.

      ‘Hello, Mr Lethbridge. Nice to meet you,’ I shook his hand.

      There were kids everywhere in that house. It was a lot to take in all at once, especially with all the noise going on. Everyone talked at the same time. The younger ones were playing on the floor and a squabble had broken out which Mrs Lethbridge silenced with one fiery glance.

      ‘I’ll never remember all these names,’ I panicked and just kept smiling. I’d never been to a family dinner before and had no idea what was expected of me. Was I supposed to initiate conversation by asking polite questions? Shyly, I decided that I would just speak when spoken to.

      Peter, one of Roger’s brothers, asked which act I was in.

      ‘The Australian Air Aces,’ I began, enthusiastically.

      ‘I fancy Roger’s job,’ Peter interrupted.

      ‘You’ll get a proper job when the time comes,’ Mr Lethbridge spat at him. It was clear they had had this conversation before.

      ‘My job is a proper job, Dad,’ Roger objected. ‘The pay is good. You can’t earn a weekly paypacket like mine down the factory.’

      But Mr Lethbridge clearly didn’t approve of his son’s choices or want another of his children involved in the amusement park.

      ‘So, Judy, where are your family?’ Mrs Lethbridge asked as we sat down at the table.

      ‘Judy’s a dark horse. She won’t tell me anything about them,’ Roger butted in.

      The truth was that I didn’t know what I could possibly say. Roger had asked me about my family several times but I had spent my whole life keeping silent about the things that had gone on in my childhood. Saying anything would have meant opening up emotionally in a way that I just wasn’t capable of doing.

      ‘I don’t have much family,’ I started. I suppose I should have thought up some kind of cover story, but I’d never been any good at lying. I noticed a couple of the younger girls staring at me – not having family must have seemed peculiar to them. Mrs Lethbridge looked at me for a second and then started to serve the food. I felt her eyes on me right through the meal and I knew what she was thinking. What kind of a girl runs away to the fair and doesn’t have a family? It didn’t seem respectable.

      I was never at ease in that house but at the time I blamed myself. It was nice of Roger to bring me home with him and I was fascinated by the normality of it all. Was this what family life was really about? Mr Lethbridge being tough on Peter while Mrs Lethbridge ruled the roost СКАЧАТЬ