Mr Doubler Begins Again: The best uplifting, funny and feel-good book for 2019. Seni Glaister

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      ‘So, one cut with your knife and then break it with your fingers to get the full experience. You can serve it with an apple – probably a Cox’s orange pippin is best, but I’m not a pedant, Mrs Millwood. And chutney. You’re after a sweet chutney or something quite dry and sour. I’ll give you a try of two I’d recommend, but chutney is a very personal thing – it’s a matter of taste. Just so long as it’s not pickle: the brine will compete with a good Cheddar, not complement it. You don’t want competition on your plate. You’re looking for harmony. Harmony and tone. Think of it as a piece of music and you’re the conductor.’

      Mrs Millwood looked at her own sandwich and took a cautious bite.

      ‘Heat? No. I wouldn’t even heat a good Cheddar on a cold day. Complete waste.’

      ‘I’m sorry I spoke.’ Mrs Millwood took a larger, more defiant bite of her sandwich, refusing to be ashamed of her sliced, evenly toned knife-cut cheese layered with supermarket ham, mustard, pickle, pepper and lettuce. ‘Lovely,’ she said, taking her biggest mouthful yet.

      ‘I just thought it would perk up your lunch,’ she added, washing her mouthful down with a generous gulp of tea.

      ‘Well, yes, I’m not averse to a little cheese with my potato, but not in this context, and never with Cheddar. There are plenty of cheeses crying out to be melted. I’d put most of the goat family into that category,’ thus dismissing the entire group with a wave of his hand. ‘But I’m not after additional flavour. I’m working, Mrs Millwood, and what I want to taste is the potato.’

      ‘And are you pleased with today’s spuds?’

      ‘Oh! I am, I am. I’m absolutely delighted. They are behaving themselves beautifully. There’s little news to report, and that’s a good thing. Just further validation.’ Doubler lowered his voice a fraction, saying, conspiratorially, ‘Once I have my findings confirmed by the experts – our friends overseas – I’m done.’

      Mrs Millwood looked at him carefully. ‘With your research? With your potatoes? What are you done with?’ Mrs Millwood had concern in her voice. She’d known him when he was done before and it had very nearly killed him.

      Doubler recognized the worry and set about reassuring her that his motivation, his zest for life and his appetite for continued research were very much unfinished. ‘I can’t imagine I will ever be completely done with potatoes per se. They are in my blood. What would I concern myself with if they weren’t there to fill every working moment? But the detailed analysis, yes, I think I am probably finished with that. I cannot see any room for improvement or any questions left unanswered. Once I receive validation, it will mark the end of a very long period of concentrated work. If I am right, and my research is formally recognized, then I suppose I shall have to think of another project, or dedicate my remaining years to ensuring my work is properly recorded for the benefit of future generations. It will be the most significant moment of my life, of that I am sure. Obviously, I’m still awaiting official word from the institute, and you can appreciate that I’m not finding the waiting very easy.’ He sighed heavily, immediately undermining any pretence of confidence he had just delivered.

      Mrs Millwood knew as well as he did that Doubler would not find the wait easy. She, too, was impatiently awaiting news. After all, since he had revealed his discovery to her, she had been instrumental in steering him through this convoluted course of action, which would, they both hoped, ultimately result in the scientific validation he craved. She had researched the options open to him fully and, without betraying any confidences, had taken the counsel of those comfortable in the areas of law, copyright, patent and scientific assessment, and in many respects these enquiries had been as meticulous and painstaking as Doubler’s own endeavours.

      The situation, as she had carefully explained to him over a lunch, was that during the decades he had spent as a potato farmer, the farming world had moved on and left him behind. It transpired that the science of potatoes was funded primarily by the giant users, those who stood to gain the most commercially from any significant improvement in the process. The big-label oven-ready chip producers were at the heart of research and development, and the fast-food retailers, too, had a considerable vested interest in blight. ‘Who would have thought the oven chip had so much power, Mr Doubler!’ she had exclaimed, before continuing with her lugubrious findings.

      Despite his own significant production, Doubler had not struck deals with these commercial partners and so had never worked in league with them. Likewise, through the happy accident of his meticulous barn clearing, Doubler had found himself, most discreetly, in the vodka business, but never on any scale. So, while he was a much-valued and highly respected contributor to it, the vodka industry had its own specific regulations to navigate and its own endless legislation to challenge. Doubler was not of enough consequence either to those who funded research or lobbied on behalf of the potato growers, and he was certainly small beer for the beverage companies. Doubler simply did not move in the right circles.

      Mrs Millwood had researched all of this carefully and had soon learnt an alarming amount about the duplicitous nature of corporate life. She had spent time talking to great legal minds, who all warned her of being too hasty in sharing her anonymous friend’s findings until she had found a partner with deep pockets who could be trusted with the science. She should tread carefully, she had been warned, for an unscrupulous player further up the supply chain would not think twice about taking this research and presenting it as their own or undermining Doubler’s findings. As one great mind had put it, ‘Once they get wind of what he’s up to on that farm of his, the big boys will simply chew him up and spit him out,’ and so, instead, she had presented to Doubler over lunch one day a solution that would take a little longer but would have his work put in front of some of the most qualified and respected eyes in the world.

      And thus, after much research, Mrs Millwood’s solution was to seek a non-partisan validation from the Institute of Potato Research and Development in northern India. It was for feedback from this venerated institution that they now waited.

      ‘Well, let’s have a look.’ Mrs Millwood rummaged in her bag for a little leather diary and flicked back through the pages. ‘We posted your package just after Christmas, didn’t we? Here we go. The twenty-seventh. Now, there will have been holiday delays and the like, but even so, that’s six weeks.’

      Doubler looked glum.

      ‘But six weeks isn’t that long if you think about it. That’s overland post, not airmail, and I don’t know what their postal service is like over there. Let’s allow it four weeks, shall we? And then there’s some processing time yet – two weeks? We don’t want them rushing it. Four maybe? Four weeks to do a really thorough job. And we want a thorough job, don’t we? Then four weeks back in the post. I think, Mr Doubler, you’re anxious ahead of time. I think if you haven’t heard anything back by the beginning of April, you can start to wonder if there’s a problem.’

      ‘What sort of problem?’ Doubler’s face was beset with a frown drawn from all sorts of unframed worries.

      ‘Failure of the post to arrive. Administration error their end. Lost in an in-tray. Then there’s the technical side. They don’t think your work is important. They think your findings are wrong. They don’t think it is worthy of a response.’

      Doubler was alarmed by each one of these possibilities, but the sum of all the possibilities (why would he fail on one count when he could fail on so many?) had his head reeling.

      Mrs Millwood smiled at him reassuringly. ‘But do you know how hopelessly futile it is to worry about any of these issues? We can’t worry about those things that are out of our control. You have your farm. You have your potatoes. СКАЧАТЬ