The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right. Ellen Fein
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Название: The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right
Автор: Ellen Fein
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Секс и семейная психология
isbn: 9780007385348
isbn:
It would probably be good practice the next time you are at a social event to stand back and watch the Melanies and The Rules breakers. Compare how the two types of women behave around men and notice the results. Notice how the Melanies intentionally don’t carry a pen with them in order to give men their phone numbers and they don’t rush to give their business cards. Notice the way they move around the room while The Rules breakers stand too long in one place, look anxious, or talk too long to one man. They make it too easy for men to ask them out—and, as you will read in this book, that’s a big mistake.
One day, after years of watching girls like Melanie snag the men of our dreams, we asked Melanie how she got such a great catch. She took pity on us and told us about The Rules. She said that we were nice but we talked too much and were over eager, and that we mistakenly tried to be “friends” with men rather than elusive butterflies, or, as she put it, “creatures unlike any other” (see Rule 1).
Needless to say, we were offended by what seemed to us to be downright trickery and manipulation. The Rules would send women back twenty-five years. What would the feminists say? On the other hand, Melanie had what we wanted: the husband of her dreams who adored her. It made sense to rethink our offended psyches!
Melanie assured us that plain-looking women who followed The Rules stood a better chance of being happily married than gorgeous women who didn’t. Thinking back on our own dating history, it did appear that the men we really wanted didn’t necessarily want us. We’d be ourselves, friendly and supportive, and they thought we were great—but it ended right there. And, come to think of it, the ones we didn’t particularly care for, the ones we didn’t notice, maybe even snubbed, were the ones who didn’t stop calling, the ones who were crazy about us. There was a message here somewhere: treat the men we wanted like the men we didn’t want.
Simple, but not easy. But what did we have to lose? We wanted what Melanie had. So we did what she did, and—it worked!
Before The Rules can be applied for the best, most unbelievable results—the man of your dreams asking you to marry him—you have to be the best you can be. Certainly not perfect or gorgeous, but the best you can be, so …
Look your best! The better you look, the better you will feel, and the more desirable you will become to him. Maybe other men will start finding you more attractive and asking you out. You will no longer feel that the man you’re currently dating is the only man on earth. You’ll be less anxious and more confident. And when you look and feel good, you’re less likely to break The Rules.
We are not nutritionists, but we do know that eating right—protein, fruits, and vegetables—makes you feel good. And that exercise releases endorphins which make you feel happier and more energetic. So, in addition to a healthy diet, we strongly suggest that you shake your buns! Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby park (also a great place to meet men who are jogging or walking their dogs). Make exercise exciting by playing music while you do sit-ups.
Diet and exercise and The Rules have a lot in common. Both require putting long-term goals before short-term gratification. You will have to experience a certain amount of discomfort when you can’t eat a cream bun and you can’t call a man. But you want to be fit and you want to get married so you do what you have to do. Make friends with a woman in the same predicament and jog together, go to dances together, and reprimand each other when either of you is tempted to break The Rules. You don’t have to do all this hard work alone!
If you are serious about finding a husband, then you must change your definition of gratification. Gratification is a man calling you, pursuing you, and asking you to marry him. Gratification is not a hot fudge sundae or a hot date where you break The Rules!
Self-improvement will help you catch and keep a man. So try to change bad habits like slovenliness if you expect to live with a man. Men like women who are neat and clean. They also make better mothers of their children—the kind who don’t lose their kids at the beach.
Now a word about clothes. If you walk around in any old clothes on the theory that what counts is only what’s inside, not your outside, think again! Men like women who wear fashionable, sexy clothes in bright colors. Why not please them?
If you don’t know a lot about clothes, read fashion magazines like Cosmopolitan and Vogue, and books on the subject; consult a friend whose taste you admire; or enlist the help of a personal shopper at a department store. Trying on clothes by yourself in a dressing room can be overwhelming and confusing—not to mention painful if you are out of shape—so it’s always good to get a second opinion. Why not a professional one? Personal shoppers can help you find clothes that look good on you and that hide your flaws, as opposed to clothes that are perhaps trendy but not flattering.
Always remember when you are shopping that you are unique, a creature unlike any other, a woman. Don’t aspire to the unisex look. Buy feminine-looking clothes to wear on the weekends as well as during the workweek. Remember that you’re dressing for men, not other women, so always strive to look feminine.
While it’s good to keep up with the times, don’t be a fashion slave. Don’t spend a month’s salary, say, on bell bottoms and clogs just because they happen to be in vogue this year. First of all, they may not be around next season, and, more importantly, you may not look good in them! We know women who have gone overboard with one look—be it man-tailored suits or oversized crocheted sweaters—and ended up looking overdressed, trendy, and not at all sexy. Be a smart shopper, not a runaway spender! Buy a few good classics and mix them with cheaper items.
Keep in mind that just because something is in vogue doesn’t mean that it will look good on you or appeal to men. Men don’t necessarily care for the “waif” look or like it when women wear long granny dresses and combat boots, however popular the look may be. They like women in feminine clothes. Wear a short skirt (but not too short), if you have the legs for it.
Also, don’t feel that you have to wear designer clothes to attract men. Men don’t care whose label you’re wearing, just how your clothes look and fit on you. It’s better to buy a no-name brand that looks stunning and hides your hips than a designer outfit that doesn’t.
While you’re shopping in a department store, stop by a cosmetics counter and treat yourself to a makeover. We can all look better than we do. Many of us don’t realize our potential until we get a makeover, which, by the way, is often given for free with a minimal purchase. Pay attention to which colors are good for you and how the makeup artist applies them. Buy whatever he or she suggests that you can afford and go home and practice putting it on. Don’t leave the house without wearing makeup. Put lipstick on even when you go jogging!
Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; colour grey hair; grow your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. It doesn’t matter what your hairdresser and friends think. You’re certainly not trying to attract them! Let’s face it, hairdressers are notorious for pushing exciting, short haircuts on their clients; trimming long hair is not fun for them. It doesn’t matter that short hair is easier to wash and dry or that your hair is very thin. The point is, we’re girls! We don’t want to look like boys.
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