Christmas Eve. Robert Browning

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      I very soon had enough of it.

           The hot smell and the human noises,

      And my neighbour's coat, the greasy cuff of it,

           Were a pebble-stone that a child's hand poises,

      Compared with the pig-of-lead-like pressure

           Of the preaching man's immense stupidity,

      As he poured his doctrine forth, full measure,

           To meet his audience's avidity.

      You needed not the wit of the Sibyl

           To guess the cause of it all, in a twinkling:

           No sooner our friend had got an inkling

      Of treasure hid in the Holy Bible,

      (Whene'er 'twas the thought first struck him,

      How death, at unawares, might duck him

      Deeper than the grave, and quench

      The gin-shop's light in hell's grim drench)

      Than he handled it so, in fine irreverence,

           As to hug the book of books to pieces:

      And, a patchwork of chapters and texts in severance,

           Not improved by the private dog's-ears and creases,

      Having clothed his own soul with, he'd fain see equipt yours,—

      So tossed you again your Holy Scriptures.

      And you picked them up, in a sense, no doubt:

           Nay, had but a single face of my neighbours

           Appeared to suspect that the preacher's labours

      Were help which the world could be saved without,

      'Tis odds but I might have borne in quiet

      A qualm or two at my spiritual diet,

      Or (who can tell?) perchance even mustered

           Somewhat to urge in behalf of the sermon:

      But the flock sat on, divinely flustered,

           Sniffing, methought, its dew of Hermon

      With such content in every snuffle,

      As the devil inside us loves to ruffle.

      My old fat woman purred with pleasure,

           And thumb round thumb went twirling faster,

      While she, to his periods keeping measure,

           Maternally devoured the pastor.

      The man with the handkerchief untied it,

      Showed us a horrible wen inside it,

      Gave his eyelids yet another screwing,

      And rocked himself as the woman was doing.

      The shoemaker's lad, discreetly choking,

      Kept down his cough. 'Twas too provoking!

      My gorge rose at the nonsense and stuff of it;

           So, saying like Eve when she plucked the apple,

           "I wanted a taste, and now there's enough of it,"

      I flung out of the little chapel.

      There was a lull in the rain, a lull

           In the wind too; the moon was risen,

      And would have shone out pure and full,

           But for the ramparted cloud-prison,

      Block on block built up in the West,

      For what purpose the wind knows best,

      Who changes his mind continually.

      And the empty other half of the sky

      Seemed in its silence as if it knew

      What, any moment, might look through

      A chance gap in that fortress massy:—

           Through its fissures you got hints

           Of the flying moon, by the shifting tints,

      Now, a dull lion-colour, now, brassy

      Burning to yellow, and whitest yellow,

      Like furnace-smoke just ere flames bellow,

      All a-simmer with intense strain

      To let her through,—then blank again,

      At the hope of her appearance failing.

      Just by the chapel, a break in the railing

      Shows a narrow path directly across;

      'Tis ever dry walking there, on the moss—

      Besides, you go gently all the way uphill.

           I stooped under and soon felt better;

      My head grew lighter, my limbs more supple,

           As I walked on, glad to have slipt the fetter.

      My mind was full of the scene I had left,

           That placid flock, that pastor vociferant,

           —How this outside was pure and different!

      The sermon, now—what a mingled weft

      Of good and ill! Were either less,

           Its fellow had coloured the whole distinctly;

      But alas for the excellent earnestness,

           And the truths, quite true if stated succinctly,

      But as surely false, in their quaint presentment,

      However to pastor and flock's contentment!

      Say rather, such truths looked false to your eyes,

           With his provings and parallels twisted and twined,

      Till how could you know them, grown double their size

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